I read this article (actually someone's thesis work) a few days ago and thought it might be of interest to some specifically on this subforum. It is quite thorough and explores a great variety of feelings therapists also had in an ET context.
http://scholarworks.smith.edu/cgi/vi...context=theses

[lucozader]

Thanks for this Xyn! Looks really interesting.

I thought I had read everything there possibly was to read on the subject, but apparently not!

[koru_kiwi]

interesting read...thanks for sharing it.

i would love to see a study or article that actually explores both the Ts and their clients experince and perspective of the ET that played out between them in the therapy...to get the entire story instead of just one side of it.

"Clinicians’ countertransference reactions

Although participants’ countertransference reactions varied, all reported a heightened

affect of some kind. The most common responses included surprise, disgust, and offense"

[koru_kiwi]

Originally Posted by QuietMind

"The most common responses included surprise, disgust, and offense"

i felt similar when i read those responses too...knowing what the true responses are of some of these Ts definilty makes me feel shameful for the some of the things i openly shared with my ex-T during my therapy with him. i doubt very much that these Ts in this study allowed themselves to be fully 'authentic' with their clients and probably never divulged their true reactions. if they did show any reaction, it probably was more on a passive level by withdrawing, etc...similar to what my ex-T did.

I am not surprised at the negative reactions many therapists may have internally in response to ET disclosure from clients, whether it is to being the object of sexual desires or not knowing what to do with it. I imagine it can be perceived as one of the most intrusive admissions they may hear, more than parental transference, anger, disappointment, etc.

I would also love to read reports that explore both the Ts and client's side in the same situation. I imagine that it would not be super accurate though, if for nothing else, because these case studies are usually done and get published in retrospect, about older cases, not ongoing ones. And reviewing these experiences looking back probably distorts a lot, people do not feel about it the same way or even recall many momentary feelings and reactions. I know this is the case for sure about my own ET experiences in the past with mentors (and later as a mentor, from my students, because I got a good bunch of that, too). What I tend to remember most vividly later is a much more distilled, clean version and mostly the lessons and conclusions from it, not so much the ongoing pain and variety of emotional reactions in the moment in detail. I think journaling the process can help with more accurate recall.

But even in this thesis, which is all about ET, there is no mention of how it can actually be used and "worked through" in therapy, what benefits etc. I really think that in most cases the ET comes up at some point, discussed to a certain extent, and then dissipates. Or has a vax and vane pattern, but never becomes the main focus of deep exploration. And the interpretations (if any) remain very superficial and generic, such as it is part of the client's craving attention and love they never received from caregivers etc. I think that often it is more than that and has elements similar to any romantic/sexual attraction, about personal identity (identification), sense of self, the desire to merge with own projections etc. Perhaps if therapists approached it more in an intrapersonal (for the client) rather than interpersonal way, they would be able to remain more objective, less uncomfortable, and more creative with it? Maybe more helpful even in the context of building self esteem and self care skills in the moment instead of grieving old things and what obviously cannot be, endlessly. Don't know, just speculating.

Planned to read it but only skimmed through it so far, but am not surprised to hear about the negative T feelings. I have read other materials that discuss how uncomfortable it can be for the T. Back then, I told my T I worried my ET feelings led to discomfort for him, scared him away, or led to feelings of dreading seeing me. Of course, he never disclosed that but I sensed it at times.

I've been the 'object' of unrequited love (and sometimes obsessions) many times, and while not as a T, I did not enjoy the ongoing focus, and it made me very uncomfortable at times.

There are several facets of ET, and I've experienced several. From what I read so far, the Ts were ok with some aspects of it but more uncomfortable with the more intense type. Xynesthesia, I think when you talk about working through, you are referring to the more intense kinds? Unrelenting unrequited love or a client trying to overtly seduce. I can see why those would stir up negative feelings.

[StickyTwig]

I read the article in some detail and got the impression that the strong negative reactions were for the most part only associated with very intense and persistent "eroticised" transference (for instance the man who exposed himself to the therapist), and were not necessarily related to erotic transference in general. The author didn't make this very clear though.

[BudFox]

TL; DR. I skimmed it briefly.

Frankly I find such discussions of the clinical "handling of" and "working with" erotic desire and impulses rather sickening.

Apparently there is something called “malignant erotic transference”. That is some serious pathologizing and medicalizing of most fundamental needs.

Don't these people have anything better to do?

BTW why is client behavior labeled "transference" and therapist behavior "countertransference"? They are both just transference. Seems a blatant means for establishing hierarchy and control.

[Myrto]

Originally Posted by Blanche_

Planned to read it but only skimmed through it so far, but am not surprised to hear about the negative T feelings. I have read other materials that discuss how uncomfortable it can be for the T. Back then, I told my T I worried my ET feelings led to discomfort for him, scared him away, or led to feelings of dreading seeing me. Of course, he never disclosed that but I sensed it at times.

I've been the 'object' of unrequited love (and sometimes obsessions) many times, and while not as a T, I did not enjoy the ongoing focus, and it made me very uncomfortable at times.

There are several facets of ET, and I've experienced several. From what I read so far, the Ts were ok with some aspects of it but more uncomfortable with the more intense type. Xynesthesia, I think when you talk about working through, you are referring to the more intense kinds? Unrelenting unrequited love or a client trying to overtly seduce. I can see why those would stir up negative feelings.

I don't want to defend therapists because I don't think they're poor helpless creatures but I have to say that "romantic" obsession creeps me out. Like you, I've been the object of some unrequited love and it was not fun nor flattering. Obviously I'm not a therapist but having someone obsess over me would make me extremely uncomfortable and in this specific case, I understand why many therapists have negative feelings when it comes to ET. Of course clients can't help their feelings and shouldn't be shamed but I'm not surprised at all that therapists usually don't handle these feelings very well.

I also understand the negative internal reactions a T might have to intense ET from a client, when that takes over the space of therapy. I believe it is not so different from everyday life, when attraction is confessed but is one-sided, and the person attracted is trying to pursue it over and over. Like others mentioned above, I also experienced it many times and never enjoyed it much, often tried to avoid, etc. Especially being the object of elaborate and graphic fantasies and obsession that one does not reciprocate can feel intrusive and unpleasant. Of course a therapist is supposed to tolerate and handle it better, but I doubt that any amount of training changes the natural, gut reactions to such things. I actually feel that if a T finds such things repeatedly flattering and pleasant over time, that might be more of a sign of the T's issue - I think these can be exactly the most dangerous, unethical, abusive therapists. In my not-so-remarkable experience with ET in therapy, the T that reacted to it with outstanding curiosity, wanting to hear detailed fantasies, alluding to ET even when it was nowhere present on my mind etc was the one with serious countertransference issues that made me disappointed and cause me to leave therapy with him twice, second time more recently. Our conflicts were not ET-related, but some patterns were just present everywhere and I am not willing to tolerate that from anyone, let alone someone I am paying for a service.

Speaking of countertransference, I agree with BudFox in that it's a bit unnecessarily complicated and can be confusing. The "counter" part suggests hierarchy such that that the Ts reactions would always be a secondary effect to the client's transference. Obviously it is not always like that, and then we could also say that clients have countertransference to the Ts behavior, which is often true. Of course it's all semantics, but still.

Good points. Xynesthesia-I'm sorry about your experience with your T. I do think response to ET can reflect overall character and competency of the T, so it's not surprising there were patterns present everywhere.

I don't mean to say there should never be enjoyment of such feelings by a T and would expect some positive feelings by Ts in response to some disclosures or feelings. I agree to be wary of a T who consistently enjoys it and especially who encourages it; some may be covert and undetectable by the client. It seems that was a factor in some of these cases gone bad, which seem to involve a T using a client to meet their needs.

It's parallels incest, in away, where a parent who is supposed to be looking out for the child's best interests uses them to meet their (sexual) needs or need to be admired.

My T responded in a competent way to my disclosures, and although he's made some mistakes, he was competent in handling the transference. So I feel fortunate. But I do wonder about any negative feelings he had in conjunction with my feelings.

[BudFox]

Therapists who can't handle strong feelings are in the wrong profession.

It's a bit like a surgeon who can't handle the sight of blood and guts. Nobody told me about this!

Therapists get paid a lot of money to sit there and do very little. If the worst they endure is obsessive and needy feelings, they got it pretty easy.

I'm sure some of them enjoy it greatly, until it crosses some line, at which point they blame the client and dispose of them, ignoring the fact that they (the therapist) engineered the whole thing.

[CriesAndGoodbyes]

I also think that it's possible that some T's use negative words to describe their experience of Erotic Transference as a way of masking their true feelings. I equate it back to when I was 14 and first started getting crushes on boys.... "What? Me? Oh no I don't like boys at all!" - it's a defense mechanism and the fact that they use such strong words to do so is actually more proof that it's more of a façade than anything because while some of these cases are probably pretty ugly clients and pretty attractive therapists... surely it also happens to pretty attractive clients and therefore it's not really "gross" or "offensive" - then it's just misguided and sad really... why use such insulting terms to describe how they feel? Probably because half the time they are faking it. My T told me we had a very special connection and him and I were the same age and in the same league too really. The fact is, I have dealt with more than my fair share of unwanted obsession and affection and the truth is, it should always be taken positively. Anytime someone finds your looks or your personality attractive or appreciate you, you should take it as a compliment in my opinion. (don't bother disagreeing with me, it wont change my opinion.) Now if that person who loves you is also hiding in the bushes and watching you, or calling your house at 3am every night or crawling into bed with you while you sleep or constantly saying inappropriate things to you, (all of which I have experienced from people who liked me when I didn't like them back) then it's a problem and you should deal with it appropriately and swiftly to put an end to it because that is destructive and dangerous. However if we're talking about sweet puppy love where someone merely compliments you, looks at you with stars in their eyes and thinks the world of you.... why would you respond with disgust to that? Anyone who would do that... is disgusting. In my opinion. I have the sweetest person who for all intensive purposes is not my cup of tea and is several leagues below me but he has the most darling puppy love for me and while we'll never be more than friends because I'm just not into him that way... I would never feel disgusted by him or his feelings. Sometimes I think therapists need more help than we do because to be disgusted with someone having a crush on them is not very mature or well adjusted. Again, provided the client is respectful and lawful about it.

And BudFox - I agree with you... it does seem like they engineer it.

[TeaVicar?]

I've read most of the responses now from the paper. I get the strong impression that many of them felt out of their depth and many of the negative responses where by therapists who either were not conscious of their countertransference or who felt uneasy by it.

The guy who terminated and took a restraining order out on his client because his client was outside his house. He did as he was told by his supervisor who had been attacked...

[StickyTwig]

Originally Posted by TeaVicar?

The guy who terminated and took a restraining order out on his client because his client was outside his house. He did as he was told by his supervisor who had been attacked...

Yes I was quite shocked by that actually, it seemed totally disproportionate (at least in the way he described it) and there was no reflection on how that may have damaged the client.