[BarbiGirl]

My high school best friend hurt me to the core almost two years ago. She and I were best friends for six years. About a year ago I asked her for her forgiveness, and she said yes. However, I did not at the time, and still don't, feel strong enough to restore the friendship. I am not even able to restore contact, except with a gift left on her doorstep on special occasions. To be honest, I don't even know why I do that. It feels like a part of me has forgiven her for hurting me, but a much larger part still hasn't forgiven her, moved on, and gotten over it. I think I've mostly become numb to the topic, but every so often she will contact me in return, and all those old wounds flare up again. How can I get over this? How can I forgive her?

[nowheretorun]

hi Barbi, welcome to PC

i think that there is still some unresolved conflict in your relationship with your friend.. are you able to have full, open, and honest discussion with her? its good that you stated your boundaries with her for a start and now the friendship lingers, torn around the edges just a bit.. you can make an intelligent and healthy decision to 'grow' the relationship from here, by remaining honest with her, or, you can choose that now is not the time to do so, because either you, or herself is simply not ready for such a challenge... praying for you that all works out for the best... be true to yourself and honest with yourself... its hard to leave matters in a disconnected and unhealed state... you can resolve this issue in your own mind without ever saying a thing to her but that might leave her confused and in a dark place... i know its hard, just do your best, no one can ask for more

[Lenny]

Forgiveness,,for me,,is giving up the need to punish...

Again for me BarbiGirl,,,it becomes easier for me to forgive when I am able to recognise the humanity in us all,,that we are not perfect,,that we are driven at times by fear,,that our actions can be hurtfull and sometimes tragic and that I am as guilty as anyone I may judge.

And forgiveness does not necessarily re open the door to intimacy. I can forgive and let go...

IMHO....

Lenny

Originally Posted by BarbiGirl

My high school best friend hurt me to the core almost two years ago. She and I were best friends for six years. About a year ago I asked her for her forgiveness, and she said yes. However, I did not at the time, and still don't, feel strong enough to restore the friendship. I am not even able to restore contact, except with a gift left on her doorstep on special occasions. To be honest, I don't even know why I do that. It feels like a part of me has forgiven her for hurting me, but a much larger part still hasn't forgiven her, moved on, and gotten over it. I think I've mostly become numb to the topic, but every so often she will contact me in return, and all those old wounds flare up again. How can I get over this? How can I forgive her?

((barbiegirl))))) I have a friend , shes been my best friend since well prolly as long as i can remember. Her and I over the years have had a few disagreements. Each time we have reconnected. Either her or I have done it.
I think maybe imo you leave her a gift as in your heart she is still your friend and you care about her.
Forgivness gives healing to you.... it could be she is thinking about you on the other end.
To hang on to something just wears you out more. I know i am imperfect.
In my life i have been forgiven many time. Im so grateful for that.
Having patience with ppl is part of forgiving. Also maybe something was going on with her at the time?
Sending a prayer you find your way to forgiveness.

[BarbiGirl]

There is pretty much no friendship there, that's been torn apart completely. Its almost like I'm trying to put a single piece of Scotch tape on a torn piece of fabric, where the edges are fringed and frayed. I can't talk to her. I'm not ready. I don't know if I'll ever be ready.
Did I mention that I live right across the street from her? She doesn't know it. I think of her, though, every time I drive past her apt. She's married now, I'm single. She's happy, I'm not. She's moved on, I haven't. Why do I hate that she's happy?

I feel like I am getting exactly what I deserve, though. While yes, she hurt me, I hurt her so long ago too. I turned my back on her. I was afraid of change, I was afraid of letting anyone else get close. And All this built up emotion and resentment is the baggage that comes with unforgiveness, I know, but I don't know who I need to forgive first, who I need to forgive more. Her, or myself?

[Lenny]

Originally Posted by BarbiGirl

but I don't know who I need to forgive first, who I need to forgive more. Her, or myself?

Yourself BarbiGirl.

You cannot give what you don't have.

With Care,

Lenny

[Rhapsody]

It is in the forgiving that both are forgiven and light is seen for a better day.

Check out the book I suggested in the review section:
Radical Forgiveness (an awesome book for letting go & moving on)