could really use some prayers...

background on me: i'm in my twenties, living at home with my two parents, and have treatment-resistant depression. i've been trying different treatments (mostly meds) for five years now.

i can't work and don't have any income. i have insurance through the state i live in. i first started seeing my doctor when i was at college, which is in a different state from where i am living now. the big problem is that my doctor doesn't work with the county in which my state insurance is handled. the problem now is that my parents have decided they won't pay for me to see my doctor.

i'm not a trusting person and am very closed off. you see, it took me two years to open up to my best friend at college, and i saw her almost every day. i've been with my doc now for three years, which is surprising to me. but i like her and trust her. only thing is that to see her, it is a 6 hour drive one-way. so i only go once every two months.

i just sent her office a letter. there is one last way i can get my doc visits paid for by my state insurance. that would mean that my doc's office would have to enroll and do paperwork to become a provider of my state.

and if they don't, i'm screwed. this is my last shot! my parents keep telling me that i need to change doctors. what they don't realize is that i can't! it would take me at least a year to find another doctor i could trust and open up to. i don't have the strength or energy to go thru all that crap again. and providing i made it thru that without quitting or giving up, it would take another year for me to actually open up to them to the point where i am at right now with my current doc.

i'm also scared that if i can't see my doctor anymore, i'll just give up right then and there. stop trying and stop taking any meds and won't care about anything anymore. i'm already only hanging on by a thread. so i can't say how much i really really need this to work for me.

please, i would greatly appreciate any and all prayers.......

I'll pray for you, specifically that your doctor will fill in the paper work so that you can continue to see her. Let me know what happens with that. And generally I will keep you in prayers, for healing, and strength. (((hug)))

I hear your despair! I do hope it works out for you.

What type of therapy have you had? I notice many cognitive distortions in your posting, and of course that includes your thinking.

As bad as things might become, the way we view situations has a lot to do with how we feel. I believe, as in CBT, our feeling follows our thinking.

There is always something else to come in the future, maybe not exactly what we expect or want, but something else to try or another way or doctor or whatever. Yes, it's usually easier "if only" but to tell yourself you're out of options and feel out of options just isn't in your own best interest.

Check out the " 10 common cognitive distortions and what to do about them" sticky post at the top of the psychotherapy forum and discuss them with your therapist to see how you can help yourself to feel better about the stuff you're going through.

dear jrae,

am sending prayers to you today. i've found, over the years, that sometimes we have to become our own health care advocates. it sounds like you have done the research and it's just a matter of your psychdoc doing the necessary paperwork. you'd be surprised at how accommodating they can be when your treatment is at risk. i'm in the state system and on disability. they've been awesome in working with me on payment plans, care, and help with medications when i had trouble with medicare part d. i wish you well. please take care. will be praying.

I shall pray, jrae.

Hi jrae...

Just checking in to see what's happening, if you've heard anything about the paperwork yet?

i was to see my doctor last week and the lady who handles the billing for them told me this:
they weren't going to fill out the paperwork! she said they have tried to work with other state programs in the past and it is too much of a hassel to get them to pay the bills. she said she has to call them many times to request payment for the bill.

my last option would be to tell my doctor the details of the situation. that insurance isn't covering my visits and my parents don't want to pay anymore. my doc already knows i don't have it in me to go through the "find a new doctor" process. i don't like making anyone feel guilty, but maybe this is something i have to do to "protect" my life...

and on top of all of this, my great aunt is in the hospital and took a big turn for the worse last night. which means she probably won't make it through the week. my grandma who is 90, would be her sister, have been living in the same assisted living facility for the last year now. they would talk and see each other multiple times a day. if my grandma's sister dies now, i have no idea how it will affect her. but i do know if i lose the two of them in the same year, it would be an incredible blow to an already struggling me...

[quote] and on top of all of this, my great aunt is in the hospital and took a big turn for the worse last night. which means she probably won't make it through the week. my grandma who is 90, would be her sister, have been living in the same assisted living facility for the last year now. they would talk and see each other multiple times a day. if my grandma's sister dies now, i have no idea how it will affect her. but i do know if i lose the two of them in the same year, it would be an incredible blow to an already struggling me... [quote]



just found out yesterday that my Grandma's OTHER sister died, and no one even know anything was wrong with her.

and my great aunt is still in the hospital. my Grandma goes over to see her when she can find someone to take her. i would, but i can't anymore.

you see, i've heard say that my great aunt just wants to die. i can't be around that. i have a hard enough time dealing with thoughts like those on my own.....

jrae, that's a tough one to have issues with your doc. I agree with you it took me quite some time before I found someone to work with myself. I'm sorry to hear about your additional family issues. Insurance too, ack that's almost a four letter word (ok, seems like four but its actually 9 letters) for me, not fun. Getting a second stress helping on a full plate is a bummer too, imho. I will pray for you, pray for a positive resolution with your doctor issue. I will pray for (in my own words) the support you need to make it through the family issues. Take care now... /cie

((((jrae))))

Just wanted to let you know that you are in our thoughts and prayers. Were you able to talk to your doctor? Know that we care and are here for you. Sending you gentle hugs and loving thoughts. Always.

dps