We are told to love thy neighbor as thyself. For those who do not love themselves very much, are we creating a problem for our neighbor?

[Gus1234U]

it's my belief we only create problems for ourselves, it's our neighbors who create their own problems... but that's just me..

[Sunna]

Thanks Gus. I started answering Byz's question with a long-winded dissertation on how when we hate ourselves we know that that is not "loving", but then what happens when we make a mistake and believe that's what good for us, gotta be good for the others, and it's not, and then I read your response. THANKS!!!!

I guess once I accept that it is not THEM that cause my problems, it follows that it is not I that create their problems. But the more I accept this, the more I chose to act with utmost considerate kindness that I am capable, and I am at loss how to explain that logically. (The lack of logical explanation does not bother me that much, though. It's like a bumblebee learning to fly: couldn't be bothered by the complicated explanations of how is that even possible, considering the wing surface, size and shape of the body, etc... Who cares, bzzzzzzz!)

Even so, those who do not have a healthy relationship with themselves seem to have a talent for sharing with others what is bothersome without an invitation.

[unaluna]

I am hereby rescinding my proposal of marriage to my T, and extending an invitation to share my talented, bothersome self with The Byz...

[HalfSwede]

I just hope all the people I've treated like crap know it was nothing personal. Now I'm so afraid to mess things up I can barely move sometimes.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by HalfSwede

I just hope all the people I've treated like crap know it was nothing personal.

After I started taking Prozac, I called a bunch of people and apologized for not going on it sooner.

Originally Posted by HalfSwede

Now I'm so afraid to mess things up I can barely move sometimes.

Works for me, at least we don't go backwards this way.

[SeptemberMorn]

IMHO, for those of us that don't know what love really is, we need to find out. Then we need to ask forgiveness of those we've hurt, BUT we need to forgive ourselves, too. Like they say, "charity starts at home."

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut or brag,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others. This is control, not love.
Isn't always "me first." Sometimes it just has to be "me first".
Doesn't fly off the handle. I think this means being patient.
Doesn't keep score of the wrongs of others, but if the wrongs are at you, you have every right to defend yourself without hurting them.
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in truth,
Puts up with anything, (except abuse)
Always looks for the best in others, (and we need to be aware of the best in ourselves)
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

A warning here. It's hard, hard work to get good at this. If you don't feel that you love yourself, work on it for YOU first.

Blessings.

[Sunna]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

Even so, those who do not have a healthy relationship with themselves seem to have a talent for sharing with others what is bothersome without an invitation.

Agreed!

But, now we are looking at what expression comes out of the person, not whether it does or does not create a problem for others. And of course, doing their best, the person with who who has problems with self, feels unloved may only be able to share their lack of love.

Whether that creates a problem for others or not depends on how well the others are with themselves.

If my perception of myself leaves me feeling inadequate and the means I choose to deal with my sense of inadequately is to project it on my neighbor, my neighbor has a problem to deal with not of his/her making.

[unaluna]

Projection is in the eye of the beholder... uh, projector?

[anotherlightseeker]

Kinda scares me about sharing what is bothersome.

[SeptemberMorn]

I do believe that this site was formed in order to share what is bothersome and from the responses, work on changing those things. It worked for me! Whether I got blasted or received gentle, constructive criticism, I'd cool off and then think about what was said to me. If I found an ounce of truth in the criticism, I set about changing those things.

STOP
THINK
ACT as opposed to "react"... as in knee jerk reaction.

[IceCreamKid]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

Even so, those who do not have a healthy relationship with themselves seem to have a talent for sharing with others what is bothersome without an invitation.

Suffering people will often shove their burden off onto someone else, either through ignorance of how to cope with their own problems, selfishness in not wanting to do the work it takes to become a decent human being (or for other reasons.) One of the components of loving others is not encouraging them to sin. Why have you chosen to minimize the harm people do to others by choosing the word 'bothersome'? Considering your interest in words, it seems your choice of word was deliberate, but why that one?

Synonyms: aggravating, annoying, distressing, disturbing, exasperating, incommodious, inconvenient, irritating, rebarbative, remote, tiresome, troublesome, vexatious, vexing

[unaluna]

It is bothersome to me that others do not consider the word "bothersome" bothersome enough.

[Open Eyes]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

If my perception of myself leaves me feeling inadequate and the means I choose to deal with my sense of inadequately is to project it on my neighbor, my neighbor has a problem to deal with not of his/her making.

I have a real problem with love thy neighbor. As my neighbor has done nothing but feel he and his family have every right to trespass on me, even when I have hung signs and marked my property clearly.

For 9 years I made every attempt to try to work this out and I was curteous and very definite on what I did and how he put that at risk by letting his dogs run onto my property and setting off illegal fireworks right next to my horses.

Finally, every attempt I made to try to get along with my neighbor was a total waste of time and in the end has cost me way too much.

Some people simply do not understand the word NO, no matter how many ways it is presented, even in a lawsuite.

Yes, I have a major problem to deal with none of which was in my making. So we must not forget the neighbors that lack any respect for others and any effort is for their own gain and was never respectful or gave any real consideration to a neighbor.

Open Eyes

[Open Eyes]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

Synonyms: aggravating, annoying, distressing, disturbing, exasperating, incommodious, inconvenient, irritating, rebarbative, remote, tiresome, troublesome, vexatious, vexing

Wow, thanks, I now have a whole bunch of words to describe PTSD.

Including bothersome.

Open Eyes

[cin1]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

We are told to love thy neighbor as thyself. For those who do not love themselves very much, are we creating a problem for our neighbor?

loving myself and how much or how little is me... the neighbor needs to love himself or herself also. but that is neighborly to think of the neighbor...

[cin1]

Originally Posted by hankster

It is bothersome to me that others do not consider the word "bothersome" bothersome enough.

when someone or something is bothersome, let it go, why continue to be bothered by the bothersome. it is enough .

[cin1]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

Wow, thanks, I now have a whole bunch of words to describe PTSD.

Including bothersome.

Open Eyes

what is PDSD? thanks.

[unaluna]

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

I just wanted to say I wasn't feeling botheredsome anymore.

[SeptemberMorn]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

If my perception of myself leaves me feeling inadequate and the means I choose to deal with my sense of inadequately is to project it on my neighbor, my neighbor has a problem to deal with not of his/her making.

Byz, that's your neighbor's choice, though. This life isn't perfect. We all run into all kinds of problems. If you think that you, personally, are causing someone a problem, then put distance between you and that person. Take the high road.

I have a neighbor that deals with his trauma and inadequacy by loving himself far more that is normal, i.e., he's a narcissist. He has been causing me a lot of problems but I decided I'd had enough and I made him understand that he couldn't mess with me anymore (boundaries)... up to and including calling the cops on him. I doubt that he'll ever understand that HE is the problem, not his neighbors. I'm not his only target.

Blessings to you, Byz.

[Fuzzybear]

.....

[cin1]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

.....

Fuzzybear, how sweet.