loss of family&friends due to yer illness

Fayerody wrote................"people from our lives who do not understand or cannot cope with our mental and emotional disabilities. This is very sad, but it happens"

Would anyone like to add their thoughts on this?? This fact causes much depression. It's so sad.

I had a friend who suddenly turned on me. We use to work in the same department and when I took a job in another department we still met for lunch once a week with another girl. I have fibromyalgia and I went into a major flair in February that I'm still not completely out of. I try not to dwell or talk about it too much, but some days it's obvious by the look on my face or the way I walk that it's a bad day.

One day she was just so *****y. No matter what I said she was cocky back. For instance I said I had started the no wheat, sugar, and dairy diet and had lost 10 pounds, to which she replied "well I hope you stick with it this time".

I knew something was up. That night I got a long email that basically said she thought I was a jerk. Okay not those words, but she did say (among other things) that all I talk about is my bodily functions (huh?), that she felt my life hasn't changed much since a year ago and I shouldn't be so unhappy (okay, like she knows how I should feel or that my life hadn't changed?), that I "entertained the ills that plague my body", and that she couldn't be around anyone exuding negativity. She said I didn't take any of her advice and she didn't know how to help me.

I was shocked! She said that maybe this made her a fair weathered friend but that she was going to remove herself from lunch for awhile until she could "learn to be my friend".

Now I know this gal and she's a bit eccentric and off just like me, but some of this stuff was just downright hurtful.

So I took the high road, emailed her back and basically said that yes, she was being a fair weathered friend. My life had changed significantly and I couldn't always be sunshine and roses. I told her that if she suggested something and then I talked about that suggestion, she took it as I wasn't going to do it. I also told her that I thought friendship was supporting one another - they listen to me, I listen to them - that's how it goes. And that I never asked her to "fix" me.

I also told her that I was sorry she was having such difficulty with HER issues and that once she sorted them out, if she wanted to come back to lunches that would be great.

I saw her the other day for the first time since this happened in April and we both smiled and said hi. That's fine with me. I don't hold any grudge. But it was very upsetting because I had a friend years ago with fibro that I couldn't be around anymore because that's all she talked about 24x7. I have been very congnizant not to be that way. I came back to my office and asked my office mates if I was like that and they said no. So I was relieved about that.

My mom? She always plays can you top this. So, its useless to discuss with her because even if you had just been in a car wreck and were in the hospital she would find a way to talk about herself.

I live next door to my sister and we are both very supportive of each other's illnesses (she has M.S.)

Tranquility

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I never asked her to "fix" me.

My mom? She always plays can you top this. So, its useless to discuss with her because even if you had just been in a car wreck and were in the hospital she would find a way to talk about herself. </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>

there are some friends/family out there who do try to "fix" whatever - when nobody asked them to try this - I have had a couple of them too (we would go out and next thing I know one is trying to plan my career, another won't stop interrogating me about every personal question she can think of - then starts the meddling if I make the mistake of answering (all according to her attempts to control the non-conversation)
And I also have a family member who does the "top this" like you described - and I have no idea why - except that it IS attention-seeking (maybe she gets it from learning to make "I" statements - which doesn't help with listening/understanding - some people just have to be talking ALL the time

Result: I don't have much time for the "friend" lately and I dislike the angry or nasty outbursts of either of them (which I have come to notice over time) -no need for angry outbursts - again - why? (attempts to control?)
It gets so that I dislike being around them.