Hi, I realise this is controversial but I need to air out my feelings.

We, my boyfriend and I, have been invited to a grandson's graduation ceremony. I feel extremely uncomfortable and reluctant to attend. You see, it is held in a church and they are conducting Mass. I have problems with church and most definitely have ill feelings when it comes to religion mixing with education. It rather gets me riled up as I believe one has no place with the other.

I can't not attend however. I understand the importance of this to the family. But I am feeling anxious about Mass. I won't go up to the altar to participate. This makes me feel uncomfortable as I will be singling myself out and may offend persons attending including family members. But I absolutely would not 'pretend' and participate. I know it would be wrong. I know it would be a sacrilege.

[nicoleflynn]

You can just go.....I have been in the same situatiion....Catholic church....just don't have to participate. People shouldn't be offended.

[Taylor27]

People should not be offended, if they are thats there problem not yours. Religion is a personal choice and im sure you wont be the only one not taking part in going up. I have been to catholic services, school grads and have not taken part in going up nobody even bothered me for not going up

[Nammu]

That would bother me too. But like others said no one should take offense for you not going up to participate in mass. I sometimes go to church with my mum cause she likes it but I never participate and no one takes offense. I'm just their for mum. You are there to support your grandson that should be enough.

[unaluna]

Another acceptable alternative is to join the procession to the altar, but hold your hand up to decline any proffered communion.

[Candy1955]

Just don't go if you feel that strongly. Or sit in the very back or the cry room, or join up with the family afterwards. Stay true to your beliefs. I don't agree, but so what? Rely on your courage. If it's worth believing, it's worth standing up for, right?

[seeker33]

I really don't think they will be offended. Anyway, accepting the Eucharist without confession would be a sin. I don't know about your local customs, but where I am, at least a third of people in the church doesn't participate in the communion. It's not considered strange or offensive at all. If anything, it's seen as a sign of humility (they accept that they are sinners and don't pretend to be perfect)

Thank you for the replies of encouragement.

Update: So I have an out.

It turns out the church service and the actual ceremony are in two different locations with one following the other. Hence, there is an option to not attend the Mass yet still attend and be supportive of the actual graduation. Whew!

[Taylor27]

That is very good news, so glad you don't have to attend the mass part.

[seeker33]

That's a great solution!

[divine1966]

I attended weddings and other religious ceremonies in churches many times. I was in attendance but at no point was required or ask to participate religiously. I can’t grasp why is it even a problem?

Originally Posted by divine1966

...I can’t grasp why is it even a problem?

Perhaps it is on account I live in a pretty religiously-intolerant-conservative-land-of-red-necked-hicks but my failing to participate in organised religious activities has been quite problematic in the past. So too, I am sure that the fact my father is a preacher causes a lot of tongues to wag. I have been insulted, shunned, questioned, and told I am going to hell for failing to participate in the past. My worries this time is that my boyfriend's family are rather new to me and I would prefer to make a good and not negative impression.

[seeker33]

Sorry for asking, but from what you've just wrote it seems you're not catholic? And the communion you talk about is going to be in a catholic church? If that is so, you are forbidden to take the eucharist, as that is only allowed for confirmed Catholics who do not currently have moral sin. So actually if you did go to the communion, that would be a problem!
Sorry if I misunderstood.

My father is an Anglican Priest (termed Episcopalian for our US friends). This church also practices the Eucharist and takes Communion. As with Anglicansim and some Catholic churches a visitor to the church may approach the altar for a blessing. This too however is out of the question for me.

This graduation is for a small town farming community and is likely at a Cathollic or Ukrainian Orthodox Church. The people in these communities around here tend to be so steeped in tradition and how people ought to behave that, believe me, my not going up for even a blessing would cause quite a stir.

Thankfully though we have our out to not attend the church portion and can, relatively safe from enquiring minds, just attend the ceremony.

I do wonder if this is a problem simply unique to small town Saskatchewan?

[seeker33]

That is a really interesting situation. I wonder what's it like in other places, as well. I'll tell you about central Europe just for a comparison. I hope admins will allow us to compare different cultures when we don't have any intention to preach or gossip.
So in my country, about 70% people are Christian but generally no one talks about it. It's absolutely unacceptable to talk about it at work. You can say oh I went to church or my baby is going to be baptised, that's OK. But if someone tried to preach at a workplace, the colleagues would show him very clearly it's not tolerated.
Also as a teacher, unless you teach religious education (which is optional) you're not allowed to discuss religion in the class.
There are some villages in the north of my country with about 90-95% catholic population. There you might hear some comments. I've been in a church in one such village and even there many people didn't participate in the communion. I think it has to do with humility and people here tend to feel more guilty for things they do so they don't dare to commit sacrilege. No one said anything to them it was seen as normal and something very intimate that you don't question.
I myself have attended catholic churches in various places in my country and neighbouring countries and didn't participate most of the time. No one ever said anything, as there were plenty of people who didn't go.

I'd say here many people do believe in Christianity but it's seen as a personal /intimate decision that is rarely discussed. Active evangelisation is very rare. Of course there are always some fanatics but those are exceptions.

[unaluna]

This is why i want to live on the star ship enterprise, in the future. It doesnt even sound like we all live on the same planet at the same time!