[msinfiniti]

I would like to share my story with everyone. Please be advised it is in regards to a suicide attempt.

Tuesday night I had come home from visiting my husband at our house where he is living. We have been living apart since August. My husband is bi polar and had an affair back in June and July. He came to me in August right before I was to move into my apartment and begged me to forgive him and not divorce him. For the past three months he has been trying to win me back. He has literally begged me for forgiveness and has reassured me that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. The middle of October I decided to take my husband back and call off our divorce. I called my attorney and told him to close the file. About one week later my husband told me he needed his space. He told me he is scared and confused. He is afraid that my anger has not subsided from his affair and that I will lash out at him again in the future and he doesn't know if he can take it. Personally, I think this is a lousy excuse and I honestly have no idea what is going on in his head, other than the fact that he is very manic and depressed.

So, two days ago my husband told me he wanted a divorce. I feel so betrayed.....again. I have listened to him beg me for forgiveness and as soon as I decide to make my marriage work he runs away.

Tuesday night I went to my house to confront my husband. I cried and begged him to not divorce me. I took our wedding album and a book called, "Why I Love You" (a gift from him a few years ago) and tried to show him these things to remind him of our love. I gave him a love letter I wrote pouring out my feelings of love for him.

When I walked in the door my husband said, "you've got 5 minutes to talk and then you need to go". I was devasted. He would not listen to me and he laughed at me as I professed my love for him. He threw me out of our house.

When I got home I was desperately hopeless. I was a sobbing mess and felt as if my life was over. I was getting ready for bed and I took 2 Xanax to relieve my anxiety along with a sleeping pill. As I stood in my bathroom I stared at the medication in my medicine cabinet and just started swallowing every pill I had.

Then I went to bed. I had 3 stuffed animals that my husband had given over the years, my son's first baby blanket (he was with his father while this was happening), a few of my husbands t-shirts, a blanket that my mother made when she was pregnant with me, and my bible. I was in bed clutching the stuffed animals with my bible on my pillow next to my head.

All I could think about was going into a peaceful sleep. I prayed for God's forgiveness. I asked for God to forgive me for my selfishness and all of my sins. I remember crying as I fell alseep.

I woke up Wednesday morning as if nothing had happned. This is a miracle. I woke up and literally said out loud to myself, "what the hell?" I got up out of bed an walked around my bedroom and looked around at everything. My bible was still on my pillow and everything else that I took to bed with me was still in its place. I was groggy, but I was okay.

I walked downstairs and got on the phone to Poison Control. I explained what I had done and gave the operator all the information on the drugs I overdosed on. She said I should be dead. I took a lethal dose of medication and it was God's work that I was alive.

Recently, I started attending church. I have made some very good friends, including the pastor and his wife and I know that many people have been praying for me. The power of prayer is real. God is real. Guardian angels must be real.......or else I would not be here tonight.

I also called my therapist and he was shocked that I survived. My T called my psychiatrist (they work together) and told her what happend. She was shocked that I was alive.

I don't know who was looking after me, but someone was. I have always believed that my paternal grandfather is my guardian angel. He died when I was 10 and I loved him dearly. My mom passed away unexpectedly in 1999. Maybe it was her who was watching over me. I don't know.

Anyway, that is my story. As sad as I am right now, I am grateful to be here. As I sit here on my couch I can't help but think about what I was feeling the other night when I attempted to take my life. I am meant to be here in this life no matter how hard it is for me. I think good things are to come for me. It just might take some time. All I know is I am definitely going to take some time out to really think about life and God because he is real and he is watching out for me.

Thank you.

[Rapunzel]

Thanks for sharing. I am glad that you are still with us. What a powerful shift in perspective! Yes, there must be something better in store for you, maybe waiting just around the corner.

[jefftele]

yes i too feel that for me 'something' has kept me alive during my periods of despair ,when all other avenues of help havent worked,i've learnt that i must forgive myself for my weaknesses, at times death for me ,has felt the solution ,and an end to suffering ,i'm grateful that i'm still around. take care

[sassypants]

While I was reading your post I was crying, because I know
you have gone through so much.When we hurt like that,
it really really hurts. I am so thankful you are still here.

It truly is a miracle, when something good like this happens.
Yes, God has kept you alive along with his guardian angels.

I do believe in miracles. Please take care, keeping you in my prayers.

[old_one]

You have been in my prayers and will continue to be. I am so glad God kept you safe through the night. I have seen His angels work in my life and in others but it is still inspiring every time i hear about it. Accept this as a new life, a fresh start, and move forward.

wishing you peace and happiness

(((msinfiniti)))

[nowheretorun]

Glad God kept you alive msinfiniti... keeps me alive everyday too... glad you made it

Thank you Creator for keeping misinfiniti with us on this earth. May her life blossom from this heartache to be all that Your Love intended. May she see this as a new beginning filled with nw hope and promise.

May the love of her friends and family sustain her while she grieves and renews her spirit with your joy.

May you Creator continue to comfort her and protect her as she journey's on with you at her side.

Thank you Creator for a love that surpasses all understanding.

[recluse1]

we have all asked ourselves what would we do differently if we could start over.....well this marks the begining for you dear. what will you do now that God has blessed you and saved your life??? thru Him you survived death and are able to start a new life. what will you do in this new life to glorify His name and thank Him for this miraculous chance to live life anew???

God has blessed you because he loves you enough to spare you. that in itself is more beautiful than words could ever express.

[TYMBERWOLV]

MsI

God work isn't done with you hun.... He hasnt given up on ya yet ... Now the true tests will come .... I know how it feels to be in ur shoes i have been apart from my spouse for over a year now some call me stupid but i just sau I have faith ...

If u want to have ur marriage speaks the words from ur mouth to stop this attack from the devil

i would love to talk to you more feel free to call upon me for some guidance or just to have a shoulder to lean on


David

[EJ711]

MsInfiniti,

Men!!!

Remember your beautiful calico cat and we need you!

God has pulled me through some tight spots too (not self-inflicted however)! Don't do that again!

Hugs,

EJ

[dragonphoto]

It is true that God loves us all and wants no harm to come to us especially if he has a plan for us. MsInfinti you are a wonderful person and God loves you so very much. You will remain in my prayers.

[DocClyde]

Yes, I am glad to hear as well

Keep on kicking!

[wickedwings]

god kept me alive, too, when i tried taking my own life in 1994.

[msinfiniti]

All of this makes me so sad. I am dealing with so much and unfortunately, I still feel somewhat hopeless and as if going into a peaceful sleep and never waking up would be the easy way out.

Don't get me wrong, I am NOT going to ever do that again. I am thankful that I am here today and I know for sure that God or some angel kept me from staying asleep forever. There honestly is no other reason I woke the next morning. I took over 100 pills and it should have done me in.

Holy crap, I am one lucky girl!!

[Rapunzel]

Recovery after something like that wouldn't be fast or easy, but I'm sure it helps to realize that someone cared enough about you to keep you alive. There must be a reason for that. Try to hold on to the realizations you have made, and keep moving forward from here. Make sure that you have enough support. We're here for the asking, but you need people IRL too.

[recluse1]

(((((msinfinity)))) i can tell you from my own experiences that it has been so helpful to be back in church. where i can hear God's word and about His love. and be around supportive and kind people who truly want to see us grow and be happy and try to help however they can.

if you aren't already in church, maybe it's time to start looking for one. i think it would be a great starting place for you and your husband.

God bless
recluse1

[msinfiniti]

I am back in church after being away for quite some time. I only wish that my husband and I could be there together. Unfortunately, my husband went back to his old church (which is where he met the girl he cheated on me with) and I cannot attend there with her right across the room. My husband's best friend introduced us to his church back in August when we were going to reconcile, but my husband did not like it so he returned to his old church. I am still at his friends church and I have met some great people there. The pastor and his wife have sort-of taken me under their wing and have been a great line of support for me.

Thank you for your kind words, recluse1.