My Rocky Road - Probably "Triggering"

I bought my first computer in 1998 because I'd spent two years being told I was all alone in this country with my rare type of a rare form of a rare disease (familial amyloidosis). I was told I'd lose the use of my arms/leg, be blind within a few years, and very sick from head to toe. I knew it was true because I'd watched my mother suffer for many years in that condition. Finding no treatment/cure options, I found myself posting on boards for depression because I'd become suicidal. It's difficult to fight for life when you know it's only going to get worse, to the point of being unbearable.

After I accepted my fate, I settled into "Sanctuary for Spiritual Support." I'm not a Christian, but I realized how much God had played a part in my life - from the very beginning. People have turned away from me, but God has never turned away from me.

In the previous "Sanctuary," we had people who worshipped in various ways. I thought it was a little strange to see Europeans following the "Red Road" (native spirituality), but their descriptions sounded eerily like Hollywood stereotypes. Their justification was even harder for me to understand. I found it strange the "Red Road" followers were being accused by some of worshipping "evil" spirits, while others applauded them for being so close to God.

At the same time, I'd seen a small news clip about protests of the U of I sports mascot, with the usual "only a handful of Indians protested." I was shocked when I first saw that mascot dancing in 1978. It was hard for me to believe only a "handful" of natives were offended. Our African American community would be outraged if we did the same to them here in Chicago.

Also at the same time my sister in TX informs me my nephew (her son) joined the Order of the Arrow (Boy Scouts) and was learning how to dance in powwows and make his own regalia. She proudly told me he was doing this to "honor" natives, preserve their culture, and teach the public all about natives. Huh? I couldn't understand how a Scandinavian/German boy could possibly preserve all the various cultures by learning how to dance and act like an Indian, especially when I found out his instructors weren't even native. Why were these boys teaching the general public about "native life?"

I joined a native board that focuses on news and real life (non-spiritual board) because I wanted to hear from real natives. I wanted to hear their views and how these three issues effect their lives. I wanted to know what life was really like for them. It was eye opening, to say the least - and very upsetting.

Over the years I've become close personal friends with many people over there, and we've also had the opportunity to visit in person in the "real world." I believe what they say because I've seen it with my own eyes. I would hate to see them suffer any further at the hands of others.

I went into this innocently. I just wanted to understand some things a little better before I'm cut off from the world due to my illness. I'm obviously not blind yet, but I'm homebound now and my vision is getting worse.

I can't physically help my friends, but I can continue to speak out and pray for them. It's a tremendous burden because I care so deeply for them, but I have no where to turn if I need emotional support myself. I'm locked out and told my life is too political to discuss. My vision is too poor to be struggling with trying to hold a group conversation privately.

I bring my burdens to God, but where can I go when I need a shoulder - without being told to get over it, shut up, and/or go away?

(((((((KathyM))))))))

when i first arrived at PC i was bewildered and isolated.. in PC i found a means of expression that soothed my toubled heart and mind...

during my time here and time spent away, ive worked on healing myself and ive used the tools available to me.. one of those tools and a source of blessing has been PC..

i empathize with your isolation..

i have experienced the no where ti run feelings...

you've rested your troubles with God Spirit here and now...

I believe God Spirit or the Holy Spirit accepts us all at any hour of our need...

PC has given me acceptance in my time of need... we all need Sanctuary at times, someplace safe, to gather support from friends and those who can offer compassion and empathy for our hurts and troubles..

i honor and respect your voice, your mind, your thoughts, your work, your experiences...

I will pray that God Spirit continues to shine light on you and the beam of energy love, and hope will lift and raise you above your strife..

((((KathyM))))

(((((KathyM))))

Thank you for sharing. May you find the support you seek. I value you and hope we can continue to support each other emotionally when we need a shoulder to cry on.

I hear your sorrow and pray for your peace. It's not easy to not be political these days. So much going on in the world, in our countries, in our communities that seem unnecessary, unbelievable and/or unacceptable. I admire your committment to a better world. Your love for people is healing for the world. It's healing to me to know how much you care. Not all will recognize your light. Rest knowing you shine sunshine and hope on your path.

Blessings..........

ALONE WITH GOD

When storms of life are round me beating,

When rough the path that I have trod,

Within my closet door retreating,

I love to be alone with God.

Refrain

Alone with God, the world forbidden,
Alone with God, O blest retreat!
Alone with God, and in Him hidden,
To hold with Him communion sweet.

What tho’ the clouds have gathered o’er me?

What tho’ I’ve passed beneath the rod?

God’s perfect will there lies before me,

When I am thus alone with God.

Refrain

’Tis there I find new strength for duty,
As o’er the sands of time I plod;
I see the King in all His beauty,
While resting there alone with God.

Refrain

And when I see the moment nearing

When I shall sleep beneath the sod,

When time with me is disappearing,

I want to be alone with God.

Refrain


Words: Johnson Oatman, Jr. (1856-1922).

Music: Will*iam J. Kirk*pat*rick, cir*ca 1904 (MI*DI, score).

link: http://www.cyberhymnal.org/htm/a/l/o/alonegod.htm

(((KathyM)))

((((((KathyM))))))))

know that you do have people like me here who want to listen and help however we can. you aren't without a friend as long as you have the ability to reach out when you need us. take comfort in the fact that God is always there to comfort you, guide you, and love you. He hears your cries and holds every tear in His hand. i find thru this post you are much stronger than you must realize. for it takes a strong spirit to step up and speak out the way you do. and it seems you do it with all the love in your heart. and for that i am sure you will receive many blessings.

God bless you and be with you.

recluse1

((((( KathyM ))))))

thinking of you (((KathyM))) .... sending prayers ....

(((((((KathyM)))))) have had you on my heart since i read this post. i hope you are doing well and that you have seen the support and friendship offered in the replies to your post.

peace be yours
recluse1

i dont normaly post in here but today i will, sorry you have to search for emotional support, you are welcome to pm anytime you want,we all need some support

((((((((((((((((kathym)))))))))))))))

The Boy and The Starfish

One day, an old man was walking along the beach in the early morning and noticed the tide had washed thousands of starfish up on the shore. Up ahead in the distance he spotted a boy who appeared to be gathering up the starfish, and one by one tossing them back into the ocean.

He approached the boy and asked him why he spent so much energy doing what seemed to be a waste of time.

The boy replied, "If these starfish are left out here like this they will bake in the sun, and by this afternoon they will all be dead."

The old man gazed out as far as he could see and responded, "But, there must be hundreds of miles of beach and thousands of starfish. You can't possibly rescue all of them. What difference is throwing a few back going to make anyway?"

The boy then held up the starfish he had in his hand and replied, "It's sure going to make a lot of difference to this one!"

Think about a time when your efforts made a difference.

sourse: http://www.freemeditations.com/inspi..._starfish.html

(((((((kathym)))))))))

You are a very brave person and your story touched me......

I will pray for you and you are in my thoughts .........

hugs and love Jinnyann xxxxx

Thank you. I appreciate your willingness to provide the support I need. Hugs and kisses are nice, but sometimes I prefer real conversation in order to ease my fears and frustration in life. If the conversation becomes a little heated, at least I know where I stand. I'd rather live with the truth than have my life swept away under a rug.

I have no intention to cause any harm or hurt feelings, and I would appreciate an opportunity to resolve any issue I may inadvertently bring up here.

Thanks again. It's nice to know I have friends here.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
If anyone becomes angry or upset by a post of mine, I would prefer you address me directly out in the open. I have no intention to cause any harm or hurt feelings, and I would appreciate an opportunity to resolve any issue I may inadvertently bring up here.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

share, learn, grow? Loving Spirit ministers to Earthly concerns? sanctuary for suffering?

i can hear you ... sending prayers ((( KathyM )))

just checking in KathyM... hope you are hanging in there... hugs...

(((((((((((kathyM)))))))))))))))

(((((((KathyM)))))))) we walk in the light as we walk in truth. i admire your honesty with yourself and others here. sending loving light and healing strength your way. may you feel better soon.

recluse1

(((KathyM)))))

Praise You in This Storm
words by Mark Hall/music by Mark Hall and Bernie Herms

I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

Chorus:
And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

Chorus

I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

Chorus

please watch

when i read ur story this is what i thought of so i hope this in some way helps you!
if u ever need someone to listen im here pm me ant time

Welcome. I can speak to a few of the things you mention, and perhaps we can talk in the future. I think you may have found a place, and I'm glad that DocJohn allowed us to have this forum. It was not here for me when I first joined.