The little things... some times mean a lot

Cats are awesome too :-) this is like the first time with me with out a cat but funny my first time having a dog lol i agree the dogs help to get you out due to they have to go out :-) and they can be enjoyable.
I hope some day you will try a dog but as i mentioned kitty cats are awesome too.
I do agree with depression and animals have influence to get out of it but some times i feel bad. Cuz sometimes when i'm depressed i've yelled at him for being a dog or me being careless with food It makes me remember my fear of having kids cuz i feel it's not right cuz he's a dog and if i forget and leave food, out he's going to eat it, like i shouldn't yell at him so, i do say sorry to him after i calm down and tell him he's a dog and i'm at fault too, but still.
I'm glad i realise that but feel bad at times i've been that way. And it reminds me of my mom sadly and i don't talk to her due to how she treated her kids among much more of just how she is. She didn't want us i truely believe but whatever, it's ok. I'm here and making it and trying to always better myself in some way :-) even saying sorry and seeing my faults and idk i think the dog understands me too. Sorry if That's strange :-P

I think if the lady thinks you'd do good with a dog i think you should try it, i know illnesses are different but it could help to have a buddy with you too. Dogs are very observant with surrounings and very loving and protector of the pack :-) and good friends that are true and loyal.

Beauflow, don't feel bad about sometimes shouting at the dog. The dog is a dog, but you're only human, I think everyone shouts sometimes. And the dog knows you love him, and is accepting of you.

I'm sorry that you remember bad times with your Mom when you shout. It's painful when parents hurt us. Maybe your Mom suffered from depression too.

Very true Mgran- I think everyone has points of upsetting... it just makes me feel bad.

My mother is probably Bipolar- yes- and she would get depressed, but with her unlike my siblings that I talk to whom which have either bipolar or an emotional issue, she just deep down mean and more..- After reading about Histrionic, it describes my mother-
My mother refuses to be honest or get help, so I can not help her.

I write to much and deleted it due to its me complaining or venting in a way but not letting go of it so it is no use to share plus it is sad.. I kept in a journal today- I will sort it out later.
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I hope you get a Dog Mgran or maybe you could do more with you cat?
My last cat used to walk around with me- even when i was walking the dog, he would trout along with us :-) it was quiet cute-

I hope everything works out great with your housing too.

OMG housing- I just found out today the rent for my boyfriend and I is going up $100 per a month- but I keep telling myself it is only six more months - I should get taxes this year so we will just to move then. No one is getting raises- so how can they up rent? I dont get it. Any who- It will work out in the end as my boyfriend always says )

I'm praying that the landlady doesn't increase our housing benefit, it's tough enough as it is.

My cat is very much an outdoor cat. She lets me stroke her when I'm feeding her, and that is it. Still, it's nice to have a healthy cat! She's jet black, Siamese shaped, haughty, and very glossy and smooth.

I'm going to have to wait for my circumstances to change before I can get a dog. It may be a while now.

Sorry about your mother. Mine was also bipolar, but for the most part was a loving mother. When she'd get into a mixed state she could be very frightening and as you say "mean." That would happen maybe twice a year. It's hard to talk about, and I think sometimes it's as well not to. I get where you're coming from.

Awe i'm sorry to hear the dog may have to wait. Your kitty cat sounds pretty, but sounds like you said an out door cat hopefully the housing will stay as is.

I'm sorry you know where i'm coming from with mom stuff. But i'm glad your mom was mostly loving

My sibling and i like that with each other we can be mean but we can say sorry. Well wait them each with me and me in return, but them- not with one another, i'm the only one that talks to all. Our mom we all don't talk to much my bro and i not at all my one sis in a blue moon and my oldest is living in the same state and i know feels obligated to. I am sorry that may be bad but i can't handle it. She is constant moody and bad attitude. I believe in energy as in positive energy creates more and negative energy creates more negative energy. I can't take a lot of negative stuff as i've learned throu life. I get worse with signs, things not happening, reading too much into things even things not their and ppl after me and so on. Positive energy i do better with controling my thoughts until i get depressed :-| but That's why i want other's suggestions and going to this therapist

Hugs to you mgran! I"m sorry 4 ramblin again. Lol i need to go to bed lol

I'm not sure where to put my paranoia these past days but i've seen signs again. I was getting happier, next week i go meet the county therapist. Sacred but excited. Then tuesday i get told we're being laid off two weeks. I saw this as a sign as i shouldn't go to therapy, felt as if being messed with which got worse on thursday morning someone said it would be 15 days off, and more when a little later i got the call from supervisor and was told oh it's five days off now. I felt like bursting into tears and not of joy but of confusion and stress. Then i submitted help for food i get misunderstood and they think i want to voluntear, if i felt better maybe but i don't feel better and ppl drink on the side walks where this is which drunks when i'm sober make me very paranoid without **** going on in life.
This morning the car key wouldn't work either like i shouldn't be driving. Maybe i shouldn't be i've been more and more spacey here lately. Sometimes i'm driving and do realize out of no where hey i've been driving. I'm not sure if it's second nature or if only the last 6 months i've been driving since 2008, i've had been driving up till 08 then just recently started again. I feel happy then tired or sad out of a moment. I'm not depressed i keep saying. I put applications into other jobs the other day. I'm trying to be positive. I already freaked out on tuesday with mixed state emotions but idk. Signs lately been making me think

I think someone killed the frog- I have good belief it was a person too-- This has made me so sad this week and give up hope off and on, on things. The frog was a lot of things, and if someone comes and kills it (at work mind you!), i can see that meaning that things are being crushed and that one can destroy all hope... I had seen the frog at the beginning of my shift, then a few other smokers went out, and the next time i went out there was blood on the side walk (not a ton but enough for me to know it was blood).... I asked in passing if everyone was ok due to I thought I saw blood outside, got this joke of a thing of we are all ok, then later was told "yeah it is blood- maybe an animal caught something"... yeah- animal being human. Frog is still missing, day 3 why are people so mean some times?? I liked the frog- He may have made me jump a little when i did not know he was there and he hopped around but i liked the frog around despite the signs I saw in the frog....and now a bad sign.

Then today at work- I feel so ****ed with that it is not funny- I tried to be constructive with my reply and not point fingers or blame or anything... I tried to be logical and give a logical theory of how something is missing in the area that just came up missing on my shift I guess the other night. To be Honest I really thought I had seen this object in the area all week, Others note they saw it too, I really can say I thought I did see this object but I am human enough to say I could be mistaken, I've been stressed but really- others too and then all of sudden its gone on me I feel it is being penned on.

I Feel sad right now.. I feel confused. I get angry when in thought of someone ****ing with me then get sad to think it is all in my head. I've been pretty happy lately, why this again of being messed with.

I'm so sorry that you've got so many problems coming at you right now... and yes, I can see how the little frog dying/being killed would upset you. I often feel that a death in the animal kingdom is a forboding sign.

There's something I read just yesterday... a good deed and an evil deed cannot ever be equal. The bad deed is always less than the good deed. So, overcome evil by doing what is good.

Think of something that you can do to make the world a better place, if only in a small way, if only, at first, for you. My son picks up worms from concrete or gravel and puts them on the grass, puts stranded snails in safe places. For every frog killer there's someone who cares.

Remember that although the world is full of wickedness, it's also full of goodness, and you lign yourself up on the side of the angels. You wouldn't get so upset about a frog if you didn't have that goodness inside you which mourns senseless destruction. That's the good inside of you. Listen to your good heart, and remember. Good is more powerful than evil.

thanks Mgran. That's nice what your son does with worms and snails thank you for the tid bit about good and evil actions. I will try my best as always to with being positive. Even before i left work i stayed later even with this little lay off to help out with something that came up and only intentions with it was just to help out ppl next week. i'll try to continue on i good positive path i just can get thrown off by others mean actions but thank you for reminding me of some things of it is just this world but i can do what i can do to do good.

Thank you Beauflow. (((hug))) If it helps keep a record here of the things you see, the things you do to make things a little better. I'll keep looking out for you on the threads. Stay well. (((hug)))

thanks Mgran i'm sorry that i babble sometimes i'm trying to keep my head up and remember some of this is just way of life and not signs of stuff. Some of the writtings has helped on here to track. i wish you well too Mgran! I wish all well too. Idk about trying to explain these signs, on a bipolar question sheet that i'm trying to get in for it had a question like "have you ever thought there were messages for you on objects arranged around you" i was shocked cause yes! Idk why i'm a bit happy about that idk. But i haven't went in yet cause they are non profit and i think short staffed so i'm suppose to call this wednesday again and will do i want their opinion on what they think. I got to see the therapist last monday and see her again on this friday, i want to ask about dissociation cause the little sanity test on here both mania and dissociation are high like almost tied and i guess the two can appear like one another but need to be treated differently . In the end i just want so help, idk though where the signs fit? Maybe they aren't odd? Idk i'm still scared to share :-|

Don't worry about babbling. If you can't be open here, where so many people understand what you're going through, then where can you be open?

I know what you mean about being afraid to share. Just to let you know, when I did, it was the single most sensible decision I'd yet made. It really did help.

Thanks Mgran
Today was my second session, at the end i mentioned the rocks due to i was shocked on the bipolar focused org had a question of have you ever felt things were arranged just for you or was giving you messages. It made me happy in a sad way. But i made the therapist pause i think i over loaded her i brought up dissociation too (we'll talk more next session on that). She wants me on meds she keep mentioning the benefits of it and that i need to be stable before talking about past issues. I got in for a psych evaluation as well there. Idk what to expect.

She paused i noted about my rock sharing. We were wrapping up so we didn't talk about it.idk maybe it's just me today. I feel pushed off or pushed for meds. I don't want meds i said this from the beginning. How can they give meds with out a solid answer on what's wrong with a person. I guess the county for ya? Idk. Therapist seems nice and like she wants to help but i do think her overload is making her quick to go with stuff. She told me she's over loaded with patients. I may ask if i can see someone else to help her out. Idk though she asked me if i really needed therapy cause i seem ok and to be honest she is telling me all i already try to do to cope i've been practicing for years on it myself with step out of the box and look and ask self things (well i seemed ok, until i told about the rocks. I just noted a change in her.but i could be wrong it was in passing about to go and i accidently ran over time feel bad about that) part of me see signs of That's a sign to leave right? Another says no, stick with this for this time Idk i got a gap to think on some things cuz i'm not seeing her next week. I may ask if anyone else can help or space out some visits with her. I get the feeling she either wants ppl on their end or low time or accept meds to help with stuff. Idk just a thought right now it may change with in the day lol. Doesn't help i felt like no one wanted me around earlier befor this visit lol i cried a little when i got home

Oh i should add i'm trying best not to take it personal i know she's busy right

I took all and every thing to mean something at one time, "signs" and i was so out in another sphere, ended up in a hospital. i try now to not see every thing as meaning something, but every now and then someone will call when i am thinking of them, someone will leave a parking space when i need one, on and on...

I often think randomly of a person that I haven't seen in a long time and then within a week that person shows up in my life somehow, most commonly bumping into them on the street. I notice all sorts of synchronicities, and read into them. My husband says I read too much into things, but is often surprised when I turn out to be right.

Sometimes I can tell which houses contain happy people and which houses seem lonely. I don't know how to explain that one.

Sometimes I can tell if a class or activity will be cancelled just because of an energy I feel. It has nothing to do with weather, because that is pure logic.

I can feel my sons' energies calling out to me when they need me and then I will get a call that one of them has to come home from school sick.

I don't know if those are signs, or if they are just random. I am diagnosed Bipolar, rapid cycling, mixed episodes. I had one pdoc once who threw psychotic features in there as well. I can get rather paranoid at times.

Cin1 and BNLsMOM, thank you both for sharing. I get glimps of the ppl but not as much as little things i agree i try not to read everything as a sign i try not to. Idk what this is. Yeah my boyfriend with the rocks even though for me it's or was idk a lot on us being together cuz of what i felt the rocks symbolized and i was a fool and told him but he didn't stop talking to me he instead was understanding to a point and made a simi joke that wasn't making fun of me but of another perspective i just don't like there down signs since the frog has been gone i have lost hope cause the frog ment a lot in my crazy head. Idk what i am. The therapist based on things i bring in these two times is set that i'm mixed and perhaps rapid cycle at times. i don't know how she can make a decision with two sessions. I'm sorry rambling again,

Cin1 i'm sorry you went to the hospital due to the signs. I use to drink a lot after the rock stuff and was still heavy in drugs. I don't do drugs these days but still see signs idk what that means.
BNLsMOM maybe we read too much in them but idk what to say. I think a mom's love can go far if it's true meaning i do believe in connections with people and a great mom and their child i can believe a link is there i am sorry if it's unreal but we can't see love but we feel it.
Thank you both

i saw two frogs the other night they have lifted my spirits i'm not which thought they symbolise perhaps to wait on therapy or that my coworker and i did a good job last night i'm just so happy to see two frogs especially with the other frog being killed a few weeks back. I'm sorry but the frogs are appearing when things are going on with me. The frog was killed then i got bad news from therapy. I'm thinking on wanting on therapy but still going in for the psych exam. Then two frogs pop up my boyfriend sees the frogs too he's just happy to see frogs in the area sorry but for some reason the frogs have lifted my spirits and i'm happier that i've seen them for some reason

Talked today with t more on signs. She mentioned maybe it's validation in a way ie like the rocks were my validation of it's ok to like my boyfriend- i didn't mention the spider to t thou but i did a bit on the frogs. Again she mentioned validation of what's going on in life. Ie tryin to get an answer from a higher power whatever that maybe. I'm not religious but i understand what she means. I just thought i would mention that since i started this post oh so long ago she agreed by puttin too much in or seeing signs every where can make things much worse- agreed with her on that. She reminded me like my boyfriend did on a recent leak in apt. that it's not a sign just life and stuff happens right. sigh it'll be very hard with some things not to see signs but i'll try best.

I was walking back from my violin lesson, and along this quiet country lane I saw a brightly coloured card attached to a branch. It said "Mum." On the other side of it it said my name.

I don't know if it means anything, but I felt as though it should.

It was obviously some kind of momento that someone had left for a dead relative, but it also feels as though it has significance to me. Anyone got any ideas? It was on a blackthorne bush.

Idk mgran i try to see red as love maybe just a reminder of love. You just came back from your violin lesson which i would imagine you like or love to do right? And if i remember right you son loves music too and loves you!! Idk what the bush means- perhaps living cuz it's a plant growing you and your son have living love

I'm trying best with positive but i would see that

Trying to positive cuz crashed my boyfriends car into a sign and field. My fists thoughts was thank the stars no one was around cuz i plowed the sign and i'm ok. And then the next was it's a sign i shouldn't be driving. My boyfriend says no- the police even thou i didn't share my thoughts reassured it's foggy and icy out so it happens tellin me stories of others do the same. My brother i just chatted with too says it's not a sign just an accident. Idk thou. Maybe it's a sign that i need to choose a way, cuz like it was a <---> type of sign and i went straight through it and that obviously didn't do good (lol at least i'm starting to joke about it rather than feelin so depressed). But idk- i've been back and forth with my mental illness and help like meds. But i'm trying to remember- things just happen right? Things just happen. It's my first accident, maybe it.s just a reminder be more careful right.

But i would like to see the red card with mum on it with your name is living love if a sign or reminder

Hi Beauflow... thank you. (((hug))) I saw another brightly coloured sign, just the same, attached to a bush, with the same words on it, as I was taking my son to the dentist. Obviously the sign is being put up by someone else, for reasons of their own, but I'm being careful to try not to read too much into it. It's nice to know that somewhere out there is a person who loves their Mum.

Perhaps it's nothing for you to worry about, the accident. We all have them. If you feel a bit shaky for a few days might be an idea to be kind to yourself, and not drive if it unnerves you. But it won't be for long, I'm sure.

My son's really happy today... I told him I'd get him a present if he worked hard on his exam subjects last half term, and he did. So today, he's sitting with a spanking new Kindle, reading the books he's downloaded. I feel even happier about that than I did when I got my own kindle as a present from my Dad. It's better to give than to receive at times.

Mgran i'm glad to hear your son did well and got rewarded you are a good mom teaching him good morals

I so agree it's some times better to give than to recieve see another's happiness is always great and a gift with in it's self.
It's nice to see that someone also like you said showing love for their mom by posting up notes. That's sweet

Yeah i'm trying to not see the car accident as a sign but hard. Today my boyfriend drove it and i sat in the back cuz of the door stuck but i was scared just riding in the car. I don't know how long i'll take before driving again. Maybe spring idk about winter.

Better news thou cuz the car seemed to drive fine. Still need to get it checked by a pro. But also his family isn't mad (i got worried cuz the car still isn't my boyfriend's in all legality senses). Still feel bad about it all but just an accident. And i'm thankful- i'll try to learn from this get some classes and non owners insurance.

Best wishes to you mgran and hope your son keeps up the good work

I personally do not believe in coincidences and try to be aware of things, especially things that I don't encounter in my normal daily life. When I look back at some of the "signs" I experienced, they seem to fit in with what was going on in my life at that time. When I see an animal, bird, etc. I look it up on the web to see their symbolic meaning. Sometimes it's quite amazing. My sister and I talk on the phone frequently and it seems whenever we talk about family a red cardinal will show up at her place or mine. We see it as "mom" as this used to be her favorite bird. And it does show up at the most uncanny times. Yes, I'd like to think it's my mom stopping by.

that is nice sign of the cardinal(s) showing up when talking to your sibling