I'm having trouble just getting through the day

I was good for a while but my symptoms are really bothering me again and I don't know what to do about all my thoughts. Here are a few....

I am terrified most of the time or lost in thoughts trying to figure things out....when I try to go to sleep because I am sure someone will come from under my bed (I sleep with my mattress on the floor - there is no space under my bed) and slit my throat or that there is a demon in my room somewhere and I'm scared to fall asleep. Luckily my seroquel usually makes me pass out eventually unless I have to take Xanax or klonopin. I am afraid when I'm in the shower because I think someone has broken in and will kill me. I'm afraid all day that cameras are watching me wherever I go, while I'm in my house or driving or at work, everywhere. I am afraid that I'm possessed and that if I went into a church something terrible would happen. I have to keep a rosary in my car and room but am afraid to touch them. I know people can read my thoughts and even as I type this I know that my roommate knows what I'm typing even though he's in another room. I know I have powers like how I said over and over I wanted my friend's cat to get better and then she got better miraculously. But then I get scared that I can do that. I often smirk or laugh because I know that there is another dimension, etc.

It makes me not care about anything. I have trouble with relationships with others and can't keep friends. I'd rather be alone. I'm nervous at work because I work in retail and have difficulty with customers. I'm very awkward and never say the right things. I also don't know if I know people from TV or I've seen them in person before. I can't recognize people sometimes and have trouble remembering their names. I just want to stay home all the time and I'm afraid to leave or go too far away. I get panicked thinking about it. This guy I've been dating wants me to spend the night all the time and it practically gives me a panic attack to do it.....

My life is so hard and I'm kind of in a depression about it right now because I don't know what to do . Nothing helps. My Pdoc wants me to do therapy to help with the thoughts and realize they aren't real, etc. Doctors & therapists always say, "it would be very scary to have those thoughts." Oh, really? Do you think so? But no one can ever help me. I want the thoughts to stop.

Hello Crazygrl882: I'm sorry you are in the grip of such disturbing thoughts. You mentioned your pdoc wants you to do therapy. I take it you have not done that yet. It may be worthwhile to give individual therapy a shot. Something such as CBT or DBT may also be helpful. Nothing ventured... nothing gained, as the saying goes. Beyond that, I'm afraid I don't have anything more to offer than do the mental health professionals you've seen. So I'll simply send hugs your way with the hope you might be able to find deep peace within...

Crazygirl; I'm with this other guy, you might benefit from Cognitive Behavioral Social Skills Training (CBSST). I learned these techniques through the VA, because I'm a veteran, but they weren't easy: it took half a year to go through the training, twice a week for several hours at a time. The techniques themselves are pretty straightforward and sensible, and when my symptoms are light, CBSST works pretty well. When the symptoms are heavy, though, this training doesn't help much. So why, you ask, should I spend half a year learning techniques that don't work when you most need them? Because like with any method for fighting mental illness, your mileage will vary. For you this training might work 90% of the time, without any of the miserable side effects of AP drugs. If you have strong symptoms like the ones you're complaining of here, it might be worth looking at CBSST as a means to fight back.