[volatile]

Okay I know it's going to sound stupid but I think aliens are going to abduct me while I'm asleep. I was home the other day and the power flickered and I started crying because of it. Luckily my friend had just come over and I wasn't alone or I probably would have flipped out. While I'm laying in bed trying to sleep I'll have all the lights on in my room but it doesn't calm me down at all. My eyes will start to cross and droop and I think it's them trying to make me pass out so they can get me. When I finally do pass out I can only sleep for two to three hours at a time.
I ran out of xanax and those were the only pills I would take. Now I've been flipping out over a lot of stuff. I thought demons were trying to posses me before this. I don't know if it's because I'm not taking anything or if its just my disorder acting up. I don't know what to do to stay calm. I try to keep myself distracted with something, but every time something happens my thoughts automatically go to aliens and I freak out. When I'm home alone I can hardly leave my bedroom because I feel so vulnerable in any other part of the house.
I'm trying to find another doctor so I can get rediagnosed and maybe prescribed something again but it's freakin taking so long.
I'm so stressed I just want to throw myself into traffic.

[noctiluca]

have you thought of checking yourself into a hospital? that's what I did and I got the help I needed much quicker...

A Crisis Stabilization Unit might not be a bad idea at this point. Just don't hurt yourself ok.
Keep us posted on your progress. We all do really care. Can you try playing some music or the tv to distract yourself from these thoughts. I will pray for you.

[PaulsonLaw]

This is only my thoughts but if things get to out of hand, go to a hospital. If that is just not an option & xanax helped before try scoring some from a friend or get a joint & smoke it, but have a good friend w/ you in case you still freak out. I use to deal w/ the same issue only the govt was going to get me. After I could not get any proper drugs from my doc, i got some weed. It did & still sometimes does wonders for my schizoaffective. Hope this helps.

Also consider hiding a camera in your room at night to catch them if they do, you'ld be rich, but it really might help you feel more secure at night.

[volatile]

I freaked out last night. I kept thinking about my mother poisoning my food. I'm usually good at ignoring that one but I also kept thinking bugs were in my food so I still couldn't eat. I can't even remember what all I was thinking. Oh.... I remember now. While I was walking home from my friend's house I was so paranoid and my thoughts were racing. I took my knife out because i could hear that car i know is watching me. i know it was waiting for me to go down the road from my street. I was thinking how if they finally got me I would stab myself in the throat or slit my wrists. I was dead set on it too.
I REALLY don't like telling anyone about that, it's not the first time I've acted like that. I'm sure if anyone tries to talk to me or stop me for any reason while i'm in that state I would either attack them or try to kill myself.
and i went mute last night. last time that happened was 4 months ago. that's how bad it was. I just locked up tight. my friend asked if I was okay and I could NOT speak, not that I didn't want to or anything I just physically couldn't.
I feel okay right now because I feel safe right where I am, but I still feel anxious and a bit paranoid and I know the smallest thing could trigger me right now.

i really don't want to go to a hospital. i doubt i really need to go anyway. i think someone i know would notice if I was that bad... i'm lying. no one I know gives two shits about me to notice. and I don't want to go because then it'll prove to my mother (and my family) that I'm just a psycho that will never have a productive life and will be living in half way houses my whole life because I can't take care of myself. her exact words not mine.
ok that made me really sad.

I feel all of your pain, and it is real. Please go to a crisis stabilization unit. If you are having thought of suicide, it is for your own good. I am praying that you will do the right thing. worry about you, and not what others think about you. You are the most important right now.I know you are crying out for help. just take the steps in the right direction. You will not regret it. I promise. Pm me if you need to talk ok.

[jena2nsu]

First, know that aliens will not abduct you during your sleep. Aliens do not exist.

It sounds like you're definitely suffering because you aren't getting any sleep and you're always one guard -- afraid that someone is out to get you. Though I don't have Schizophrenia, I can share with you a technique that I have used to sometime help me sleep when I have a lot on my mind. When I close my eyes to sleep, I simply imagine a solid black walk. I usually go to sleep within minutes.

Have you considered visiting a Psychiatrist to discuss some of your thoughts? Most every insurance plan now have some coverage for mental health services.