[BNLsMOM]

I remember the first time I got really paranoid. I was in college and I had moved out of an apartment and back to campus because of some stressful things going on in the apartment.

I happened to move into a dorm that faced my boyfriend's ex girlfriend's dorm. I got this strong feeling that he was visiting her and being with her behind my back so I spent hours sitting and watching out the window to see if I could see her. I knew that I would be able to see just by looking at her that she had been with him. I would look for her at lectures, in the library, in the dining hall and all over campus. I became a real loner. I should say that my boyfriend lived two hours away and he visited me on weekends.

I remember thinking that everyone in the dorm thought I was "the weird girl" down the hall and that they were always looking at me and talking about me. My only comfort was looking for this girl.

I know this doesn't seem like a major episode, but the paranoia has been pervasive and persistent ever since. It has been 17 years.

Can others share the first episode of illness they ever had?

[MickG]

I don't quite know when my first episode was, primarily due to the fact that I wasn't quite right from the age of approximately four onward. I do recall always having the feeling of being watched by something beyond this world. I am watched by many things. Life sort of had an ethereal/dreamlike feel to it.

Today the experience of paranoia is intense. It is not a feeling of being watched by rather a knowing.

I wish everyone the very best.

[volatile]

First episode of illness? I heard a disembodied voice tell me to tell off my teacher and throw a fit in class when I was 6.

My paranoia though started up when I was in middle school. I thought everyone was looking at me, watching me, talking about me, plotting against me. It steadily got worse from there.
When I was a kid I was always paranoid of aliens or things like that but that can just be excused as a kid thing, even though it never went away.

[bebopalot]

I have had problems all my life, but my first huge episode happened after i turned 25...I went psychotic after watching the movie Fight Club, took off in my car on a country road going real fast, hit a deer, and decided to walk three states over to AZ or somewhere like it and live in the desert...

[FireBird]

I know I had an episode when I was 12-13 years young. I don't remember it well but back then I thought bullies were trying to kill me and if I remember right burn my house while I was still in it. I also heard voices. I am just going based on my old medical records, I don't remember for sure. God my vocabulary is limited. Sadly as of now no one understands me for who I am. Not even my dad. How in the hell can sports be higher rated than his daughter? At least I have SOME friends, but very few. Luckily I have been talking to them more but phones are not a good thing for me. I blank out on phones and anyways they are bugged they track things. So does Google. Nothing is safe. Laughter comes my way. I darken most people's days. The docs say I am having an episode RIGHT NOW. I know I feel depressed, but certainly not psychotic. All people do is lie, cheat and steal. People can't drive right and humans have no brains in general. This is the reason why zombies can't exist, they feed on brains and they don't exist. My IQ is 82. This all makes me sad. I have been crying lately shockingly I hardly ever cry, just a stupid smile on my face. My favorite saying in the world is "its not real." This not only means to delusions but potential positives in life that will never be. Failure is real. Sad. I truly am scared for my life and the lives of millions of others at this point. Guns are constantly pointed at my head.