I'm beginning to think my son hates me

I just read a really excellent book which covered all aspects of schizophrenia, schizoa affective disorders. It's called "Surviving Schizophrenia", by Dr Torrey, and it de stygmatises the illness, explains treatment options, and gives advice to family members caring for a loved one on the schizophrenic spectrum. It also wades through the literature on meds, and helps make sense of it. I can't recommend it enough.

Oh, and it's the book I'm going to share with my family so they have more insight as to what's wrong with me, and why it's not their fault, or mine.

By the way... being on meds for me hasn't been anything like Buddha suggested. I don't feel that my emotions have been flattened or deadened (loss of affect, emotion and volition are all symptoms of the disease anyway, as patient accounts from the pre med era prove) In fact I feel that the muddle and confusion has been largely expunged, leaving me free to think and feel more clearly and deeply than before. Don't get too discouraged by anti medication advocacy. If I had a choice between being on meds and thinking clearly, and not being on meds, psychotic, and convinced that the medical industry was out to get me, I think I can safely say I'd sooner be on meds.

Prior to meds I had difficulty leaving the house, couldn't shop, couldn't plan a menu, couldn't wash dishes or put the bins out. I spent a lot of time in my room when my son was at school, and peed into a bucket because it was too hard to walk to the bathroom. Once every couple of days I'd empty the bucket.

As you can imagine, a house full of rotten food, and stale urine wasn't a nice place for anyone to live.

I'd sooner be "misdiagnosed" and on medication that gave me my life back, and allowed me to be a better mother than in cognitive behavioural therapy (which didn't do anything for me while I was psychotic, because I honestly thought it was a plot to brainwash me.)

You need to treat the immediate symptoms of psychoses, hallucinations, delusional thinking. Only then will cbt work. And yes, it does... when you're not overwhelmed by voices, paranoia and such exhaustion that you can barely concentrate till the end of a sentence, and have no idea what the therapist is talking about.

Hi mgran:

I think different people have different experiences with psychotropics. About a third of people with psychosis find that the meds help them with no or few side effects. About 20 percent get little or no relief from their symptoms with horrible side effects. The remaining half fall somewhere in between, going on the meds (usually by force) when the symptoms overwhelm them, going off again when the side effects get to be too much.

People who find the meds very helpful, as you do, tend to believe that they would be helpful for everyone if they'd just find the right meds and stick with it. I'm not sure that's the case.

Whenever I read the posts on schizophrenia.com I get so depressed, because there are so many people there who are adhering to the instructions to take their medications and they're still miserable. They continue to suffer from psychosis and/or the side effects are awful. Some of the people there have discussed having their emotions blunted. One man talked about not being able to cry when his father died.

I'm really happy that the meds are working so well for you, but for some people it's a hard choice between psychosis and medication.

E. Fuller Torrey is very much a believer in the medical model of mental illness. I guess I'm not convinced it's that simple.

It's probably not that simple, but it is one angle of a multi-faceted approach.

I think the problem with the schizoid spectrum isn't especially unique to it - it's an aspect of the human condition. There are very few things which can be applied like a blanket statement, and work for everyone. Doesn't matter if it's rules, assumptions, medications or coping strategies - we're just all very different people.

Drugs both helped and hurt me. I was certainly more lucid most of the time, but it seemed like my psychotic episodes weren't being curbed as much as put on layaway. I'd end up with these massive, explosive meltdowns every few weeks or so, marked in-between by periods of fairly normal behavior and thinking. On pills, that is.

Without them, it's more of a constant eddy of turmoil that I feel I can manage more easily. Really, neither solution felt more "right" to me than the other, but one cost me a lot less money.

Mgran, 1/3 of those diagnosed with schizophrenia are chronic and refractory-- antipsychotics don't work for them. You obviously are not chronic or refractory. So your saying these people have no choice but to continue a failed treatment plan? For most of them, a very harsh treatment at that. Realize that many of these people are on or have been on depot medication-- it's not a compliance issue. The antipsychotics just don't work for them. These are the seriously mentally ill. I'm seriously mentally ill, I'm chronic and medication intolerant to the point that any med can cause anaphylaxis. I didn't except failure as an option and found all be it a temporary solution with antihistamines for my disorganized schizophrenia. Can't go a day without them or the disorganization comes right back and they are slowly failing too.

Still live in **** like you described the negative symptoms persist.

Many of my friends (who are chronic and refractory) are on medication and some of them want to quit their meds. I don't encourage them because I can't find enough evidence that it is possible to quit these antipsychotics after six month or more of use. I think the medication becomes as big a problem as the psychosis for those that are chronic and refractory.

Okay, I'm sorry. I guess you're all right, and I have been looking at this from a fortunate point of view. I'm more lucky than anything that the meds (thus far) have worked.

Buddha, you say it's difficult to come off the meds after more than six months of use... Could I ask if you have any evidence of addiction to meds? I must admit, that's one area I've worried about a bit. And like others I have had side effects, mainly somnolence (particularly acute in the mornings) and weight gain, which I'm slowly chipping away at.

And again, I apologise if my previous gung ho post offended or upset anyone. As I say, you're correct, I've been lucky.

I wouldn't call it addiction. There's some evidence that these drugs modify the brain after long term use. The brain plasticity is well know. If you block a receptor (dopamine or serotonin) then the brain will produce more of those receptors.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11057521
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21300943
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12418933
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11163778
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/10593448
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/10720329
http://goo.gl/TlT2l

In the 1990's a new term was introduced called "neuroleptic-induced deficit syndrome" which was directly related to the somnolence of neuroleptic medications. Not surprisingly the term never found any traction (money) however I'm sure you could define it better than the doctors. Though research continues.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16513871

Thanks for all that information, Buddha. I'll try not to get too alarmed!

Sorry by the way if I derailed the thread.