Think I'm Going To Die

When I went down on the dose I had more psychotic symptoms. Then it had to be raised again. I also take Trazodone. Without it I would only sleep 2 hours a day. I also take Loxapine which is my anti psychotic. That also makes me tired but if they lower it I go psychotic. I hope the art show will keep me out of the hospital. I hope everyone is doing great.

Going to take my meds again - I feel worse already, didn't think it would happen that soon and I can't sleep.

Going to be stuck on them forver - I'll never get my year of no symptoms.

Firebird - hope you can stay out of the hospital and that the art show goes well

I'm sorry Kureha that you are feeling worse. Sometimes that happens when you start a new med, then your body gets used to it, and it's not so bad.

Also, I know how depressing it is to feel like you're going to be on meds forever... I've sat and looked at my meds, and measured out my life in doses... how many days, weeks, months, years I'll be on these bloody things.

But never say never. I've read that illnesses on the schizophrenic spectrum do get better with age, and you never know what will happen in the future. Live in hope... you never know, you might get that year free of symptoms. And even if you don't, you can live with a lot fewer symptoms as you get better.

Please don't feel discouraged or depressed. Things can get better.

Kureha, you're making good decisions for yourself. Don't fall into the trap of thinking that just because you need meds now you'll need them forever. We all fall into that trap sometimes: things are going bad for me now, it will always be bad. (Or its opposite: things are great now, they'll always be great.) The only thing certain in life is that things change. You have a long life ahead of you, and you may have periods of good times when maybe you won't need meds, possibly followed by relapses when you do. You just don't know what's around the next corner.

The point is don't feel discouraged about the rest of your life over this one moment in time. Just take it as it comes and do your best. Roll with the punches.

(I can give this advice, because this is one of my thinking errors, so I'm very familiar with it. Right now I'm having a bit of a rough time and have to fight not to fall into that way of thinking: oh, woe is me, things will never be good again.)

I'm glad you decided to experiment with not taking the med, and you decided to go back to it. Unless you're a danger to yourself or others, you are the only one who can choose whether to take a certain treatment or to reject it.

We'll be watching for that. I (and the doctor) worry about the very high dose of Zyprexa. The doctor was explaining to my son yesterday that things can be going along well, then suddenly he'll be hit with the famous side effects of Zyprexa - massive weight gain and diabetes.

He took the lower dose last night, and so far he's been asleep over 9 hours - and he's still sleeping.

It's just I'll never get my year if they don't leave me alone - which they haven't done for 2 years so far and I don't think they will when they just finish. That's why I don't see it happening.

I think I'll ask the nurse on Wednesday when I should stop them - maybe I won't need the year.

I'm making all these plans and I don't know how I'm going to do them.

Ohhh,Koreha,so many of us must depend on medicines to make our brain chemistry corrected,I also must do that.I know it kinda sucks,but you know,it's like when a person has strep throat,or a broken arm.Those are in need of immediate correction.Same with my need for meds and yours.We are with you sweetheart.You are not alone.Hugs.Wolfy.

I stopped on Thursday or Friday - I can't remember which day, it was going to be because I wasn't going to see my nurse anymore.

I kept saying it then starting again - but I've stopped for sure this time. I don't need them, it's been kind of proven by what I tread yesterday.

Ooooh Kureha....this worries me darling.Can you let me know how you are please?Sending you safe,safe hugs and thoughts of safety and peace.

I'm ok - I know what's going on - so Ill be ready for tomorrow.

I'll be thinking about you all day sweetheart.

Thanks - they are coming at 11

Who is sweetheart?

Just back from going out with my nurse and doctor, I was ok they didn't try to do anything. I don't understand though - because I was so sure, still don't totally trust my nurse just yet though.

Sometimes our mind doesn't really see the reality of what something is.....like their being out to kill you.

I can understand how you may have the feeling of being watched.....it's obvious that when you are off your meds, your pdoc & nurse are worried & will have your family & friends observing you & your behavior since your pdoc & nurse can't be around you all the time & they all want to make sure that you are safe....but just because people are observing you to see that you are ok.....doesn't mean that they are wanting to end your life.

I hope that you are able to accumulate all the times when things DON'T happen the way your mind thinks they will....that you will start to realize that maybe that really isn't what is going to happen to you & that the observation that you are sensing is really all the people around you who care about you being ok with NO HARM intended.

Glad it went well, Kureha.

They said I have to go back on my meds or I have to go to hospital - sick of being controlled by them as well.

I'm not sure still about my nurse - maybe I have the timing wrong. She asked if I would ever stab her, said only if I needed too.

It's just confusing - not sure what to believe.

Hope you're feeling more reassured that things went okay. Also glad that you were honest with your nurse, even though I'm sad you feel scared of her. Most people who go in to medical careers do so because they care about people. I hope that you'll find soon that you can trust her.

Thanks for posting back today... I'm glad to see you safe and sound.

I'm confused. In the United States, at least in the state where I live, you have the right to refuse treatment unless you're a danger to yourself or others. If you are a danger to yourself or others, you can be involuntarily hospitalized, but you can still refuse medication. It's hard for me to imagine the scenario where a doctor could say, "Take these meds or I'll have you hospitalized." Are things different in the UK?

I was watching Doc Martin a few months back. In one episode his patient is hallucinating a giant rodent (a squirrel, I think?). Doc Martin immediately begins the process of having him "sectioned." I was astonished, but I assumed the writers of the show had taken creative license. Surely a person in the UK can't be involuntarily hospitalized merely for hallucinating?

They use the Mental Health Act for no reason over here.

They want you to take meds - they use that so they can force you too.

My dr said it would happen - because he has a duty of care and he said I need to take the meds - it has nothing to do with that - it's just to control me, I told him that and he just said I'd have less control in hospital.

Kureha.

(((Mgran))) I had meant,Who is coming at 11.I guess it was the nurse and doctor.


Ooooh....You thought I was asking who the 'sweetheart' was.That's funny.We both called Kureha sweetheart.lol....awwe.Yes,Kureha is a sweetheart.

I love it when the internet does that! If we'd been talking face to face it would have been obvious... lol

Hahaha it's all good darlin.

Hey Kureha, how are you?