Think I'm Going To Die

Oh, your profile photo is Gerard Way. I'd never heard of this band before. Thanks for sharing. Sounds like it's really important to you. I'm glad you draw strength from it.

Yeah I like Gerard and my pic is of him, MCR are an awesome band.
Worked out it's the government that are behind all this, think they are testing things out and now I know too much.

Got to talk to my nurse.

She said to take a lower amount - because my meds got increased, because it would calm me down and do that until I see the doctor next week, I told her I couldn't take them - so I guess she thought a lower amount was better than none.

She said the doctor is still thinking about hospital if I don't take them at all. I told her about the government - so she knows now.

I suppose you have a choice... if you don't take the meds, then you run the risk of going to hospital. Well, I know you don't want that... who would? If on the other hand you take the meds, you have a better chance of staying out of hospital.

It's up to you which option you take. I've got my fingers crossed for you that you can find a solution you're happy with.

Well I'm taking 10mg again for now - since the nurse said that would be okay.

When my doctor comes - think I'll have to take 15mg though, don't want to end up in hospital - it isn't safe there.

I'm glad you're taking the meds to a level you are comfortable with. Nobody wants to take more meds than they need to. But by taking them you're likely to stay out of hospital. I think you've made a wise choice. The best option is to figure out what the minimum dose you can get away with is. Once you figure out that, then you can commit to the meds, your doctor won't worry so much, you are more likely to stay out of hospital. I've got all my fingers crossed... well done you on keeping everything together.

Thanks,
My doctor increased it just on Thursday, but I didn't want to start taking it again.
My nurse told me what he said about hospital that he didn't tell me, so I only took 10mg to keep out of hospital and because she said it would help to keep calm.

Stayed safe just by staying in for the last 2 weeks and they still get to me.
My friend wants to meet up, but I just want to be alone.

Do you want to be alone because you don't want to leave the house? Or you just aren't up for company right now? If it's because you don't want to leave the house, maybe your friend could come visit you at home?

Social contact is so important for well-being. We all really need it. And family isn't enough. We need contact with peers and friends.

I knew a woman who was studying entomology. She used to go every summer to a cabin in the woods to study this certain species of mite that lived in the river in Missouri. There were two researchers who lived in the cabin year round. Most of the time the only people they ever saw were each other, and they hated each other. She said they were the weirdest people she ever met, and they got weirder as the years went by. They refused to talk to each other, and they'd split the cabin into halves so they didn't have to share the same space.

We need other people, simpatico people, to keep us sane and level-headed. It's as important as any medicine your doctor can give you. We need alone time too, but please resist the urge to isolate yourself.

I just don't feel like spending time with anyone - I can't be bothered to talk to them. I don't know if they are part of it -so I think I'm probably best just alone for now. I get your story, it got pretty intense.

I'm just trying to get proof - all I have is a camera and a night vision camera, the government have loads of cool equipment - so it's going to be hard.
I got told it's best not to get involved with doctors to avoid medication and I need to stop it gradually.

Got some stuff printed to show my doctor - the police admitting gang stalking does happen

I understand. You have to go with what's best for you right now.

Who told you that? Was it someone reliable?

I agree - if you're going to quit, do it slowly.

A gang stalking activist said it's best to do that, got to avoid psychiatrists and nurses.
Get off meds and avoid hospitals and just agree they are right, so they think I'm fine.

My doctor won't be impressed though if I stop, especially with what my nurse said and I don't want to get sectioned again.
I don't know what Im supposed to do.

Oh, Kureha, what a hard spot to be in! I'm so sorry.

Just try and roll with the punches. Things generally work out for the best.

Thanks,

I just don't know which advice I should take.

There are good and bad points for each, just wish I still could see my psychologist - she would know what to do.

I'm glad that you have a psychiatrist you can trust. Hope you get to see her soon.

I don't get to see my psychologist anymore - I ran out of time, she was awesome though - the government never go to her once - she was always the same.

I totally trusted her.

Whenever I don't know which way to jump, I just stay still and relax and wait. The answer often becomes clearer if I don't try to force things. Just be calm and open and see what happens next. Panic is the enemy of good thinking.

I'm really sorry you can't run this past your psychologist.

Oh, I'm sorry that you lost contact with such a good psychiatrist. I keep forgetting that in the US things like insurance are so important. In this country (at least so far) we're all entitled to free health care... everyone who works helps pay towards it, and everyone benefits from it. Even things like when you go shopping and paying VAT on goods helps towards those costs, which means that even if you're not working you're still helping to pay for your NHS by buying a loaf of bread.

I can't imagine the worry and insecurity of having to rely on insurance, and how traumatic it must be when it runs out.

Still thinking about it - still don't know though, doesn't really matter if I don't see anyone , it's not like they believe me anyway. I'm sick of it though, can't cope with it everyday.

I'm from the UK just had to stop seeing my psychologist because it was time limited.

Can you give her a phone call? Sometimes, even when we don't have any visits remaining, they will still accept phone calls. Your psychologist might be able to give you some advice/coping tips over the phone...

I am keeping you in my thoughts!

You can get back on her books, you need to go through your GP, and he'll set you up again. Also,

Sorry I forgot you are in the UK. I'm a bit of a ditz at times.

Also, Can't Stop Crying is correct... you could always write to her. If she gets it, I'm sure she'll get back to you. You are still her patient, even if you're not able to see her right now...

Really, you need to nag your GP into getting you more help. If you don't feel up to nagging him, perhaps a member of your family could get on his case. You're entitled to far more help than you're getting.

You sound a little tired. I hope you're ok.

My son also gets hooked into thinking too much about things. I always tell him to focus his mind on something else. Can you practice putting your attention on something besides the stalkers? Even if you can only shift gears for a few seconds at a time at first, eventually it should get easier with practice.

I know it must be terribly difficult. This is why it's so useful to have a job or something to distract you and bring you out of yourself.

You're probably right. You're never going to convince them to believe you about the stalkers. It might be easier if you just accept that and stop putting energy into it. Instead put your energy into getting your life back on track - getting back to school or work or whatever, having a social life, etc. The therapists and nurses and so on can help you with that.

I know you're living in a fearful situation, but you may have to make up your mind to move forward with your life inspite of the stalkers and the fear. You just have to play the hand you've been dealt to the best of your ability.

I emailed my psychologist - don't know if I'll get a reply though, because she is really busy, but maybe.
I don't think I could see her - she did say later if I still needed to - but I think that was just to make me feel better. I'm seeing the Early Intervention Team for now.

I'll try and think of some thing else - but they keep trying to get control.
Don't think I could get a job right now - the sleeper cells would only come and be there. I'm even risking failing to get what I need at college, when I start, just so there will be less days. I don't know if I'l even get there yet though.

My nurse doesn't want to help - she just wants to tell me I'm wrong about everything and that meds are the only way I'll be able to do the things I want.

Sometimes I just wish - they'd just do it now.

Oh honey, don't think that. We want you round here... don't give in to the fear. Remember bullies are afraid of you.

I'm glad the Early Intervention Team are involved now, my experience is that these are good guys. They really did help me.

Keep posting, so we know you're okay. (((hug)))

I've been seeing them for a while - my nurse is really harsh though.

I don't think they are afraid - they have the police on their side - so they know they can't get caught.
It's just nearly every target is alone - they have no one that believes them - this is how they get away with it easier - because no one opens their eyes to what is happening.

They just feed them lies - that's it for protection and for their country.

I'm really sorry your nurse is harsh. Maybe she just doesn't know what to do.

The people at the mhc center here weren't harsh with my son, but they weren't really respectful either. They talked down to him, like he was stupid. His new therapist and pdoc treat him like he's an equal, and it helps him so much.

BTW I found out that one of the things I thought was a delusion of my son's was really real. I thought he had imagined a relationship with a woman he worked with. I found they really had dated and been bf-gf for about 3 months. It was such a relief for both of us.

It must be very challenging when people don't believe you when you say something you know to be true.