College Soon

EskieLover - I'm going to talk to my nurse about the medication tomorrow ,I know what she'll say and know she won't be happy I stopped and did it the wrong way.
I just want to worry about doing well, not lots of other things, I already feel different to everyone else. Although are teacher is meant to be really good.
I just want to enjoy college - maybe the meds will make it easier.

I just keep getting really anxious, it goes up and down, I just need somthing to help me relax, this is the most I've ever left the house in years, it's really overwhelming. I'm going to avoid the canteen, there is too much going on there, I need it quieter, where there are less people and less noise.
I think I need a lot of caffiene as well, it's making me so tired.

I'm really proud of you, Kureha. You're doing great.

Be careful with the caffeine. A little is good; too much can make you feel more anxious and nervous. My son loves caffeine, because it makes him feel more alert and he can think more clearly.

Thanks

My nurse said I shouldn't use caffiene pills, because it's going to make me too anxious, I got some anyway, I'm going to be anxious anyway, so it's not going to make much difference, the pro plus website said it helps though. It helps me concentrate as well, just can't take more than 8 a day.

She said I shouldn't get any legal highs either, I need something that works fast though, but she thinks I should just take my medication, I know some people think I should be able to go to college without it, but the anxiety won't go.

I've been anxious since Monday and it won't go at all, my nurse said she doesn't like seeing me like this, but that she had to go. I'm going to see my GP - because I can't cope.

Good luck Kureha!

Thanks

I was thnking maybe taking a high dose of medication will help, if my nurse calls tomorrow I'll ask her how high I should go, I was thinking maybe 50mg.

Probably a normal dose would help if you'd just take it consistently. I fear if you take too high a dose you'll end up suffering so many side effects that you'll quit quickly. But it can't hurt to discuss it with your nurse.

Good luck with your class, Kureha. I'm pulling for you, as is everyone else here.

It was helping - but I stopped for my eyes, my nurse said it was probably not off the medication. I was thinking if I just took a lot before college, it might help like that - I don't want to feel ill though.

Thanks - I'm really anxious, I hardly eat.

I know it doesn't seem like it now, but the anxiety will ease if you keep at it. Once the routine is familiar you won't feel as stressed and the fear level will reduce. Hopefully your appetite will return then.

If you want to take the medications, just follow the pdoc's and the nurse's advice. If you have any discomfort you think might be a side effect, tell them about it.

I think you're an amazing person to face your fears this way and move forward with your life.

I couldn't go, the teacher was ok and said if I come on thursday for the lesson instead we can have a talk before it, I told him I was really anxious.

Starting my meds again. Not 50mg my nurse said it's to high and I'd probably collapse if I did that.

Just hope I'll feel better later

It sounds like you're doing a really good job of managing the situation and making very good decisions.

Thanks

My GP gave me some medication to help with the anxiety. He is going to call my nurse as well, probably because of what I told him, but I did say I had only been thinking about it.

I need something to keep safe though, but if I take a weapon they will kick me out for sure, but if I don't do anything - then I'll be at risk.

What did you tell him you were thinking about?

Don't take a weapon.

I agree with Costello, don't take a weapon.

On the other hand, doing some martial arts might be a good idea. The excercise will improve your mood, help you to feel safer, and might be useful if you ever need to defend yourself. You can be arrested for carrying a knife, but you can't be arrested for knowing how to block a punch and counter.

Well he asked about self harm and suicide - so I just told him I'd been thinking of suicide, but not like to do it in the next dew days.

Martial arts - I'm not really into people touching me, so I'm not sure about that. I just want to be prepared as they are.

This is from the directgov website, so it's all up to date

knives with folding blades, like Swiss Army knives, are not illegal as long as the blade is three inches long (7.62 cm) or less

and that's what mine is like, it's why I bought the one I did.

I managed to get to college Thursday and today, we got to leave early today so that was cool.
I have a plan b in case I can't get what I need. The teacher explained what I could do.

I got to talk to the psychologist, she wanted to see how I was. She's awesome, I asked if I could see her. But she said I'd have to ask my nurse or doctor and they don't want me to see her. Just because I like her.

Still can't stop the anxiety though. Not sure how long I can keep it up, keep thinking people are talking about me , I think we're friends, but I can't tell.

Kureha, I'm having similar panic issues regarding my voluntary work at the moment... I know it helps me to do it, but I'm so fearful of getting there. And I've been worrying about a friend from church... she seems like a friend, but anyone who's been friendly to me I don't feel like I can trust. I don't want to get too close, because that's when people betray me. I was thinking of you today. I phoned a taxi service to pick me up Monday morning to bring me to my voluntary work. I know if I rely on the bus I'll get too panicked and not go in. The fear is that if I miss too much of it I'll not be able to go back. I don't want to close down my options, because then I'll regret it. I think it's better for both of us if we try our best to overcome our anxiety and get in, despite our fears. I'll do it if you will.

That sounds so hard. It's too bad the one day a week thing turned into two days a week. One day might have been perfect. Two days might be a bit too much.

I can't decide if it's better that the two days are back to back or if it would have been better to have it spread out a bit, say Tuesday and Friday. I guess it doesn't matter, because that's not you got.

I think it would be best, if possible, if you could avoid thinking too much about the class and how scary it is during the part of the week you're not attending.

We human beings have such funny brains. We can remember things that scared us or made us angry in the past. And we can imagine things that will scare us or make us angry in the future. And we get scared or angry just as if we're actually in the situation right now rather than just thinking about it.

So the more you think about that class and imagine how scary it is, the bigger your fear will grow. And you're already scared enough. You don't need to add fuel to that particular fire. Try to focus your mind on other things. Positive things if possible, or at least neutral. Read a book if you're able. Or solve a puzzle.

I believe you can do this if you just take one tiny step at a time and be very, very gentle with yourself.

It was meant to be Monday and Friday, but since I went in on Thusday I decided to stay with that class, instead of going into a new class.

My anxiety is still up and down and the sleeper cells are doing more stuff and that desn't help either. They had someone watching the house a few nights ago.

I'm trying to distract myself though and hopefully I'll get to see the psychologist again, because she didn't say No.

Mgran - I know it's hard to get there, I keep wanting to walk the other way. I think it's because there are so many things going on as well and a lot of people.

I hope it gets easier for you as well.

Good luck, KUREHA.

How's it going, Kureha?

I missed today and I'm stuck on my maths homework - I hate fractions.
I couldn't face going out and seeing them everywhere.

I feel like giving up.

I'm sorry you're feeling discouraged. Just take it one day at a time and do your best.

BTW, I love math. It was one of my best subjects in school - even fractions. I remember in sixth grade I had to see a speech therapist for a minor speech defect. I really liked the speech therapist, but I was sad that I was taken out of math class once a week, because we were working on fractions at the time.

Don't give up... if you get stuck with a math's problem, then pm me, tell me what the problem is, and I'll get my brother (who is a head of science) to find an interactive online math's game that you can go on to learn the skill necessary. Fractions really bothered me for ages, then the penny dropped. You're younger than me, which means your brain is fresher. If I finally "got" fractions, I'm sure you can too.

I was feeling very discouraged about my voluntary work recently, but I was able to get into talk to one of the organisers, and we've figured out a solution. So, don't panic! This is a temporary problem, and it does have a solution. Don't panic, don't give up.

Math was a tough one for me too. I struggled to get through a year of calculus for my degree & it was definitely a struggle. I couldn't even tell you anything about calculus all these years later. I can do all the basics, but fractions were difficult for me for a long time also because that was the semester I skipped in grade school. They figured I was smart enough to figure it out on my own.....but it took years to do that.

Just keep working on it & keep going to class because I found when you didn't go to class I lost out on a lot more in the future than just the problems I was having trouble working on.

Be patient & kind to yourself & just keep focusing on the goal of getting through your college classes