[Beautiful_Pain]

I don't know who or what I am anymore. I've forgotten what 'normal' feels like. I feel, perhaps, if I go off the deep end completely--I may end up better than I am now. I don't know why I think or feel this way, but I do. I don't know if its true--I just believe it to be true. I also know I am scared to go off the deep end. So I SI to keep it at bay as long as possible. I know not if it will build in strength as I I avoid it thus--I surely hope not. I know not how deep I can go without being crushed by the wheel of the world pushing me into myself. I still don't feel human--I feel otherly. Something with the semblance of life--without actually being alive. The semblance is strong enough I can 'live' day to day without any large breaks into the facade--with no glimpse into the soulless thing I really am. Sometimes I think the pain I feel is only to remind me that I am, in fact, not real. The pain is actually being trapped in human form and semblance.

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

I am sorry I have no real help or words of wisdom...just wanted to let you know you are not alone and maybe going to see a T or to the hospital will help all this pain stop

[coffeedude]

I'm with butterflies. I just wanted to let you know that I've read what you wrote, and truly hope that you find the serenity that you crave. We're all here to support you. HUGS! :-)

[Beautiful_Pain]

Thank you {{{{{sleeps}}}}} {{{{{andy}}}}}

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((((BP))))))))))))))))))

Good thoughts from the cave,
Fuzzy

[BlueFaith]

((((beautiful_pain))))
I'm here whenever you need me.

[Beautiful_Pain]

{{{{{fuzzy, mp}}}}}

[mortimer]

I don't think going off the deep end will be bad. It's something, an end or begining. There should be a new earth, a new earth would be better. Maybe all of us that don't belong belong there instead, I don't belong here either.
Pain becomes purity, for me. Hospitals and shrinks don't help, the pain keeps me pure and sane. They degrade it, say it's wrong and keep me from it. It's not so bad.

[Beautiful_Pain]

I have no idea what it would be like...I'm just not sure I could make it
'back' to anywhere if I went there. It would be at the very least a semi-permanent state. =/

Feeling the beginning of psychosis again tonight...took my meds etc, but my head feels so--weird--can't explain it. =( I just know it as the beginnings of psychosis *shrugs* This is really not a good time for it either. I'm supposed to babysit my neice Saturday, and have plans for both friday and saturday night...as well as tomorrow during the day. =(

So, of course, it comes to me now...not while I didn't have anything to do

I'm afraid I won't be safe, I usually end up doing something while in psychosis. =/

[Beautiful_Pain]

Getting worse...greying of the world, dissolving of my head, shrinking of the head, confused

[Gemstone]

{{{{BP}}}}}

[dutchess]

how are you today xx in my thoughts

[Beautiful_Pain]

{{{{{gem}}}}} I'm ok today...tired and all but ok.

Thank you dutchess. =)

I don't generally like to do this, but in General or K&A there is a full update...I like to reply to every thread concerning me...but too tired right now, sorry about that. =/

[jmo531]

(((((((((((((((((((BP))))))))))))))))))))