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Going to add some song lyrics - I won't left her forget.

Sorry I was a bit pissy earlier - I was just upset and it's stupid because the only place I can talk about it is here.

HEY
..thats how it is for me.
too.

i wish i could hug myself on here

It's like everyone is going through their own stuff - but people can still post and that's ok - it's not being invisible.

I wish that could happen

I sent 12 emails - she didn't reply to any.

I wonder if my psychologist would be proud.

I was thinking I could write something to be read out.

Just wish I had told her something - god I'm so sorry.

She is ****in pissing me off - I sent her that

Human nature at times is unfortunately very ugly and I learned the world can be a very ugly place. For as much beauty there is, there’s just as much brutality and violence and ugliness.

and a pic of Gerard with **** You

The next email tomorrow

You're ****ing dead *****

I'll upload the video

I bet she is laughing at me, she won't be soon though.

The doctor is coming to see my parents today - which is weird because I told the receptionist not to rearrange another time.
So I'll be staying upstairs, switching between music and straining my ears to hear the conversation.

I always wanted my psychologist to believe me - but not like this

Not a single reply - no guilt at all - those were some good emails and she doesn't care at all

Good luck, Kureha.

Thanks - but I don't need it - don't want to talk to me, just about me.

I answered the phone before - which is rare for me, but I'm not sure if she said Mrs or my name and what if it was the receptionist for me, she did sound kind of upset. There was no number left.

It's now lunch time and still no reply.

How heartless can she be?

Hun, I can't say what was going on with her but it's not abnormal for them not to return calls. When I was working in that field, sometimes we'd get called away to one HUGE crisis and have to leave all the other crises to one side. Or we'd get told not to ring somebody back who was obviously in pain. Or the message wouldn't get passed on. So very many things can happen that could be stopping her from calling you.

She's just a heartless ***** - could have easily emailed sorry, not that it would have changed anything for her.

Besides Murder is a big thing.

Yeah, I think the problem here is that she doesn't think it was murder. She's not going to apologise for something she doesn't think she did -- probably something she doesn't even think happened.
Besides, what murderer apologises? It's an admission of guilt.

I tried to make her feel guilt - didn't work.

She will scream a confession and apology for the camera though - so loud that my psychologist will hear it.

Feel better, Kureha. Honestly? Whatever happened with your psychologist was out of your control... Don't be so hard on yourself. You're grieving, which is one of the biggest signs of caring. I know that your psychologist would be honoured to know that you care about her so much!