Roll Call Take Two

FireBird, it sounds like you have a lot going on right now. The stress and fear is making it hard for you to think clearly. A lot of the things you're worried about haven't even happened. You're just afraid they will. Do you have anyone you can talk to right now?

I know you're finding your brother's attitude to be irritating, but it sounds like it might be helpful to borrow a bit of it. Can you take half and hour a day to give yourself a break? Can you just tell yourself that for one half hour "it is what it is" and you don't have to fix it or worry about it? Kick back and listen to some music or go for a walk? All this worrying is just throwing fuel on the fire.

Hi Costello, I saw your response. Thank you for responding. A lot of the things has taken place and some of the other things we are on the way to. Things like student loans are things you can't avoid. Orkin (the pest control out here) said to find a solution to this infestation it will cost thousands of dollars, around $5000 +. I am using past experiences for mom's surgery. I went to my psychologist a few weeks ago and that was exactly why the psychiatrist at the hospital called in the first place was to see if I was in fact, a hateful, mendacious person that will send the signal to the demons below because of my so called "liar" problems. Yes, I did get kicked out of places. OK, about my annoying brother. He does irritate me because of his lack of feelings toward the situation. He has no feelings whatsoever. I don't think he understands how serious the situation really is. I mean it, my brother would literally tell me "it is what it is" when the parents die and have no feelings or grief whatsoever and just plain old not care. That is what i relate the saying to. I believe the saying means people who use it doesn't care about whatever situation it is. It can mean losing everything, house included meaning ending up homeless. Oh, but its a sunny day! I mean that's good, right? My brother always is an optimist, and I am the extreme pessimist aka realist. The Realist sees things as they actually are. I don't know if my brother has no feelings about the worst case scenario because he is autistic and naive. Oblivious. I mean in school he was bullied everyday and he actually said, "They're my friends" and that is including someone who was going to nearly kill him after school. He was waiting for my brother ready to beat the crap of my brother. if it wasn't for his friends breaking the bullies arm, then my brother would have had broken bones or worse. After all, this bully was a Skinhead. His obliviousness is going to kill him one day. His inability to care is just going to put him in bad situations. Realists are more prepared for the worst. Optimists are not because they automatically think everything will work out for them. When I am manic I am a delusional optimist. I see the glass totally full. I hyperproduce with my art. When I am in my stressed out, depressed, extreme realist ways I don't have any interest in drawing or any of my other hobbies. I just see it as pointless. I am sorry that I can't just blow off what is happening. I can't... I physically can't do it. I am afraid of waking up tomorrow to see what hell awaits me. I do love my brother. Its just the way he perceives things (not relating to real life) that I hate. He needs reality training. He is always happy not touched by what goes on. I wish I can be happy. It is rare when I truly feel that feeling. Yes, there are times that I laugh and smile, sometimes at nothing at all but it doesn't mean I am happy. That is one of the reasons why doctors around the Universe downplay every thought I ever had.

I'm doing alright. Cannot sleep.

Doing very poorly. Had to meet someone briefly but it was raining heavily and I started to cry because I was wearing black jeans with white trainers and I felt like Jerry Seinfeld.

Freaked out because it's true. Really need to talk to my psychologist.

Glad to hear from you again, Erti. Were you able to get to sleep eventually?

I didn't mean to imply you were a liar. I just meant that you're predicting future disaster like being poor and homeless. You can't know that those things will happen. They're in the future still. I can understand why you would fear them, because you're having lots of troubles now and you've had troubles in the past. I'm just asking you to take some energy away from imagining a chaotic future.

I don't think you can really know what your brother is feeling. Maybe he cares very much, but he shows it differently than you do. Maybe he can see how upset you are and doesn't want to burden you with his fears as well as his own.

I don't agree with you about the phrase 'it is what it is.' Possibly some people who use it don't care, and maybe you're absolutely right about your brother and he doesn't get it and he doesn't care. I'm not asking you to not care. I'm asking you to just accept the situation for what it is for a short period of time each day. If 30 minutes is too long try 15 or 5 or 2 or 1. Just give yourself a break from the worries and the fears. Worrying and being fearful will not solve any of the problems you've mentioned. It will only deplete your energy.

You can't see things as they are if you aren't calm. Your mind is like a lake which reflects everything around it. When the lake is agitated with emotion, the reflection is distorted. When the lake is calm everything is reflected accurately. When the lake is very calm, it's as smooth as a mirror.



Then try to remember he can't help it.

here and everpresent.. listening to jazz to promote a calm sunday.
Music is played from the heart. you can even live by it.
wishing all of you a break from your troubles today.

I am also autistic but in a different way than my brother. I am so sorry, Costello. Its just the doctors call me a liar, don't worry its not you.

Here, trying to help people, so maybe my mental issues will be good for someone.

I binged on junk food -- chocolates, two big bags of crisps and wine gums -- and now I feel awful.

Physically or mentally?

Physically; mentally I already felt awful
It might be because I totally blew the whole low carb thing I had going on.

I don't care what anybody says, "family size" is a misnomer. Who actually shares those big bags of junk food with a group? Not me.

Oh, you can just get back on the wagon if you want.

Hmmm... I guess we need to define "family."

I will in the morning. I need berries right now, English strawberries are in season.

Well, I live on my own and I am my only blood relation in this country . . . so I guess I am my own family and I CAN EAT ALL THE FAMILY SIZE BAGS OF CHOCOLATE I WANT. Semantics for the WIN.

Also I have reminded myself of this:

I eat berries. They're not on induction but they're definitely okay on Atkins. In fact they're the only fruit he allows. I have a whole box of blueberries in the fridge right now.

I got stupidly emotional about some Shakespeare earlier and decided I had to have them. It's about the place where I do all my lawyering, because it's the "legal district":

(It's King Richard, Act III)

GLOUCESTER . . .
My lord of Ely, when I was last in Holborn
I saw good strawberries in your garden there.
I do beseech you send for some of them.

BISHOP of ELY. Marry and will, my lord, with all my heart.

Lookit me, breaking my diet for a Shakespeare history play. I really am delusional.

@fishsandwich - I havent' heard that I'm my own Grandpa song in years! It made me laugh!
Also, I LOVE Shakespeare. And good literature is one of the best reasons I've ever heard of to go off a diet.

Stupid f-ing fireworks! I hope they blow themselves up! Please! Soon! Urgently!
Bleh.

Is somebody celebrating America day earlier than is strictly necessary?

oh yea. it's normal. goes on pretty much memorial day until after july 4th. it's just really annoying.