Roll Call Take Two

Not sure, but it could throw you around more than keeping a constant dose.

i heard this. is this true?

what i mean..is missing doses is bad more than not takig any meds at all?

YES! My son has done this. Don't try it.

Can you talk your pdoc into lowering the dose a tiny bit? What is the dosage right now?

well actually im taking 80mg of latuda. but i think i need more to be honest...
im still having all these hallucinations if not an increase of them. im feeling more lost and confused and in my head nowadays than paranoid and aware of my surroundings.
im just going on vacation and idk. plus idk if the latuda doing this. idk.
i told my doc i was still having hallucinations and he kept me at the same level and this was before that incident.
but idk anymore. anymore what to do.

Tell the pdoc what's happening. I worry, though, that the first reaction of most pdocs is to up the dosage or add another med. My son came out of the hospital in March 2011 taking 35 mg of olanzapine. He's now taking 5. And frankly he's doing better now. The side effects lessened with lowering doses.

A lot of hospitals will push the dosage up really high to try to get people stablized. It's not necessary to stay that high long-term. Remember the goal is lowest effective dose.

i will.

but theres no lasting side effects that i see just yet. i was tired and had akathisia but havent in a day or two.. ive been taking it for two weeks straight. its just the hallucinations are more. a lot more. a lot. im hearing almost constant hallucinations daily. the paranoia isnt gone im just lost in the voices more so i cant concentrate on the outside world. its like im daysdreaming but im not really daydreaming. i just look like it on my face but im listening to all these voices and sounds. like im picking up on a parallel world or unseen reality. like right now im hearing a woman trying to speak to me. she just keeps talking but i cant make out what shes saying. shes mumbling at the moment.
ive been having all these visions and scary flashbacks too.
but im also under a lot of stress. so idk.

I'm here. I have firm confirmation that I will not be able to take a pupillage with my bar exam grades, even though I'm getting my call tomorrow. Ready to strangle mother.
I bought a flight to Greece and am planning to go when mum leaves on Wednesday.

Mother visits are certainly a challenge! I hope Greece will be a nice break for you.

I'm sorry fish

Mothers are stressful - you miss them when they're not around but then they drive you nuts when they are around

Hope you have a good time in Greece!

*Willow*

I'm toying with the idea of going to Greece and killing myself there, kind of like one last hurrah I guess.

Don't the Greeks have enough trouble already?

So I'd fit right in, you mean.

I was talking to my mum last night and she admitted that I never had anything "mental illness" shaped until well after I was forced to go into hospital. She even almost admitted that all I have is post-traumatic stress, not psychosis. She keeps remarking on how "sane" I am right now and then going on about how "crazy" I used to be, except all the crazy stuff is drug side-effects like drooling and twitching and being really slow to respond, not actual psychosis stuff.

So, that's it folks. Getting diagnosed with a mental illness caused the only mental illness I've ever had. I feel like Sisyphus.

And I'm getting called to the bar in three and a half hours. I'm a "success story", heh. The old pdoc was trying to take credit for getting me here, so I started screaming at him. All he has ever done is hold me back, assault me, torture me. I told him all of that but I got so angry I switched into French and I dont think he understood.

ive had my family say that to me about PTSD and all that is all i have. although they cant dispute ive had many psychosis symptoms since i was 9 or so.

actually ive tried to pinpoint my problems between ptsd because of flashbacks and i would replay stuff in real life and between aspergers because i match up very well with the social history of most people like with high functioning autism and also between schizophrenia. but with aspergers and stuff theres no psychosis (mainly) with it. as a main thing. but i am kinda convinced i have both. i sometimes get mistaken for having autism/aspergers because my facial expression and social skills and way i talk but im not Dxd. autism is Dxd early and i never was. ever. they also say girls can hide it better than boys and is ok to be shy and a girl thats why supposedly more boys are autistic etc. part of autism is mimicking people and i think because i practiced literally in the mirror for years sometimes for hours since i was younger that i can fake for passing off for a short period of time as normal.

i know it sounds funny but i literally have practiced vocal tones, facial expressions, body movements, etc. but i cant hold it for long. eventually people do see the real me.

im having hallucinations at family reunion... :: sigh ::

that also why i wondered about missing my dose.
i wasnt able to get to it last night. im not in a position i can now either.

i'm now a barrister of the high court of england and wales

Well Done

im wondering if i should get professionally tested for adult aspergers or something.

YEY!!! (Plus it means I get to use my favourite smilie)

That sounds like a good idea newtus. I'm sorry you're struggling at your family reunion

*Willow*

i had a job interview today. i'm not sure it went very well. it was weird. it didn't seem like they asked me very much. i figure that either means they're not interested in hiring me at all, or that they're desperate to get the position filled and will hire just about anyone. i tried to ask smart questions, since they obviously weren't going to.

Does the job seem interesting to you? Would you take it if they offered it?

I would like to take it. I think it would be interesting, and challenging, and that I could do a good job at it. I just don't know that I understood their interview process very well. Now I have to take a stupid personality test thingy for them. I haven't logged on to it yet, so I don't know which kind it is. One time when I was looking for a job before, I kept having to take this same test. The first two places I answered honestly and they never called me back. So at the third place I answered the opposite of what I'd done on the others. They hired me, but I hated the job. I left half way through the orientation training to take another position that I liked a lot better.
It was just weird to me that these people asked so little. Maybe I blathered too much? And pre-emptively answered some things? I've not had a job like this before, so maybe this is standard procedure and I just don't know it.

ugh nm. too much money. plus if i did i dont think schizoaffective will be changed because of the fact that i legit suffer from psychosis. im not gonna lie. i do.never said i was gonna lie anyway. not here anyway

ive learned my lesson about telling people about my mental health issues. its not pretty.