i would appreciate an opinion.

Me too. So much silly regalia, and they must get arthritic wrists from all that waving.

I just want to know I can do really boneheaded things and not have it show up in the paper - along with photos.

i peed in my cats litter box

Any particular reason for that?

idk...
some person on another forum asked whats the craziest thing youve done while psychotic. and someone said they peed in their cats box and i said i did that recently but i didnt think i was currently psychotic.

but i have stopped my meds so idk.

Are you going to tell us you're a cat now?

i used to truly believe i was a reincarnation of a black panther. and i mean the animal.

i believe i have powers though. animal powers. spiders seem to love me. they come around me a lot. i think becuase they know who i am. you know?

like im a spy or something.

im just trying to figure out why these people keep following me.
im trying to pick up on the clues as to why. i have a few things in mind as to why they are.
only about 1 or two make since.
im honing in. dont worry.

THIS IS WHAT THE PLANE WAS DOING TO ME
IM NOT KIDDING

Any no one else has seen this happening?

THATS WHAT I SAID
i SWEAR i said "Does no one else see this s**t?!?"
i promise you I SAID that.

it was like i was ONLY one that saw it.
this plane is surreal.
no one pays it attention and NO ONE believes me that theres a plane
NO ONE!

they think im hallucinating. but im not!

you think im hallucinating too right?

I don't know that you're hallucinating. Is it possible you're interpreting the planes flying over your land as being more threatening than they really are? Is it possible they aren't really aimed at you, but you're seeing them as a threat to you because you're afraid? Maybe your amgydala is overactive because of PTSD or your trauma history, and therefore you interpret neutral things as being personally dangerous?

I know my adopted son perceives threats in situations that other people wouldn't feel threatened. I suspect it's because he spent the first 8 and a half years in a home which was very, very dangerous. So he's always on the alert for danger, and he sees danger where there is none.

I'm not there to see what's happening, so it might be true. But it seems unlikely to me. It seems more likely that your perceptions are skewed. But ... I've been wrong before. I've heard stories I didn't think could possibly be true and later found out they were.

I have to say that the first impression I had of the picture you posted was that the plane is dive bombing a guy in an open area. Your home is surrounded by quite a few trees and hedges. I can't reconcil the plane approaching that close to the ground with all the trees.

Just some thoughts.

think of it the way i am.
they are either trying to kill me. on some cases ive almost been murdered, yes. or they are trying to get my attention. i think its both. depending on how severe i am getting close to the truth.

EITHER WAY: THEY ARE FOLLOWING ME

ive bought some spy equipment.
also look at it like this.

change the "s" and "p" around in spy and its: psy.
like psy-chological. they are MESSING with my mind.
hence: spy or spies are on me.


my homes really not. just next to my house.
i live in desolate rural. where theres open land for miles. then RIGHT at my house theres a tree line on the right side. go on the opposite side of the tree line and its open land for a few miles. thats where i was. yea i was on someone elses property so what. i was trying to hide in the corn fields though from the plane. but thats not the only place theres open land either. theres not as many trees as your percieving.

and the pic is a still from an alfred hitchcock movie.
North by Northwest starring Cary Grant - "A hapless New York advertising executive is mistaken for a government agent by a group of foreign spies, and is pursued across the country while he looks for a way to survive."



do you maybe think im being mistaken for a gov agent with all the knowledge i know and the letters ive been sending in the mail about the knowledge?

my dad says im doing better

but i didnt tell him i stopped my meds recently.

i was losing my powers and gaining weight so i stopped them.
im starting to get my powers back everyone!

Hon, using that kind of reasoning, you can start anywhere and end up anywhere. There's not a connection between spy and psychology just because they have the same first 3 letters.

I recognized it.

I'm sure it makes a good movie, but it's not likely to happen in real life. Plus, planes that fly like that are at high risk of crashing.

I don't think so, no. It sounds unlikely.

Which powers are you getting back?

You were hiding in a corn field... no chance it was getting crop dusted or the pilot was trying to crop dust it and trying to chase you out so he could?

i can see the messages.

ive been buying the newspaper everyday. saving the clippings of the messages from the news media.

ive started back doing the mail.
im thinking of mailing a letter to the local news media
ive mailed some religious leaders.
etc

i see the messages. they are everywhere.

no chance.
theyve chased me everywhere not just corn fields. theyve chased me in cars and on motorcycles too.

in the city too

This is just two works that look similar but are unrelated.
"Spy" comes from "espie", which is a super-old German word for "to see from afar" or "to spot out".

"Psychology" is the ancient Greek words"psyche", meaning mind, and a suffix meaning "the study of", derived from the Greek word "logos", meaning reason.

It's just there are only so many sounds the human mouth can make and only so many symbols we can use to write them.

Well he cuts a dapper line! Can you act like Cary Grant in a Hitchcock film, wear your driving gloves and give them a big old two-finger salute and not let them ruin your life? That's what a Hitchcock star or a plucky English boy like Grant would have done.

As someone who works in a newspaper, I can guarantee we don't put messages in them. Very often, we don't even have enough coffee in us to get them out in comprehensible and grammatically correct English. There may not even be enough coffee in all the world.

i was the vice president of a high school film club once. everyone wanted a peice of me because i had all the thousand dollar equipment. the president didnt even know how to use a TRIPOD.

i have lots of film stories. btw. ive met a good # of celebrities old and young. and a LONG time ago when i got into a bit of liking hip hop i was on the front homepage of a extremely famous rappers website when (at the time) i made a short film making fun of his music track and made my own film dissing it. in a funny way. and he put me on his front page. weirdly i was locally recognized for a few weeks. id literally go into the mall and people would say "werent you on his website. i saw your music video. that was bada**". true story.
amongst others.

i so desperately was going for a film career and i was hitting all the right buttons and literally with all the right people. until this illness hit.

seriously. not even kidding. i was doig everything right (even though the illness was starting) and i was heading to apply to a work for a movie studio in the state where they shot some major works.

and then schizophrenia happened...
prob was the worst thing in the world that couldve happened to me.

it was all the breakdowns/hospitalizations. those ruined everything and my agoraphobic fear.

Do you still want to go into film? I think you can do it if you want to.

I was told I would never be a lawyer because I "got schizophrenia". I believed it for a while. Now look at me. I get to wear the world's most ridiculous work uniform!!

i didnt get good grades in high school. but i oddly had the knowlegde that where i was going i knew i didnt need the grades. what made me different was that i was so persistant about doing things and getting things. i was also able to have some humility when most other aspiring directors were hellbent on being so haughty and uppity. i didnt care. id say let me do it. i always saw the perspective of more experience and meeting more people and id get further in my career.

i may not have been GREAT.
but i knew that humility and persistance was gonna take me a long way as i racked up my skill.

sorry...memory lane...

I don't think you need outstanding grades to be a filmmaker. You need to have passion and vision and a unique eye; and probably humility and perseverance doesn't hurt.

Also, there is lots of speculation that many famous creative people throughout history were experiencing psychosis -- everyone from Edgar Allen Poe to van Gogh. You could google "art brut" if you were interested in more.
The converse has also been postulated -- that creative people's brains mimic those of a schizophrenic: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/10154775
I don't think there's a need to think of your experiences as a necessary disadvantage, right??

I think you could still do it if you still wanted to. And when you talk about it, you sound like it's a very happy memory.