High-Functioning Sz

I want to start this post with a big caveat: nothing I say is intended to diminish in any way people who aren't coping well with sz for whatever reason, or who are not in education/employment for whatever reason (sz-related or not). Everybody goes at their own pace and does what is best for them, I know

Anyway. Earlier today -- at work -- I let it slip to another member of staff that I got diagnosed with sz. She is an absolutely lovely lady and has her own history of MH problems (depression, I think -- something in that vein), so I don't fear any reprisals or discrimination or anything. She told me I should be proud of myself, which was nice of her. Buuut I couldn't help but notice her shock that I had ever had sz. Her first response was, "But Fish, you're a barrister . . . . " like that somehow has anything to do with whether or not I get psychotic.

I hate the idea that people with a sz dx can somehow never do "normal people" things, like work or whatever. It's so f*cking prevalent. But then I kind of wonder if there's a reason that idea is so prevalent. You know, I've met so few people who have an sz dx and who work or study. I can probably count them on one foot, to be honest, or maybe both feet if I think really hard. I know there are a few more "famous" schizophrenic people out there, like Elyn Saks or the game theory fellow whose name has just slipped my mind.

So. I feel kind of trapped, like I either have to struggle to function or I have to do f*cking brilliant things like invent game theory and become a professor, or I can't have psychosis. (OK, I would actually *love* to become a prof . . . besides the point though.) IDK. I've been looking more and more for sources of support, but there's nothing out there for people who can function---especially for people who can function without drugs. There's one group for people with psychosis who work in my city (that I found, anyway), but you have to be actively seeing a pdoc and taking a med regime to join it.

Anyway, that's my kind of semi-coherent rant for the week.

That sucks fish! My guess would be that they're worried about dealing with really ill people and not being able to have pdoc backup...

I vaguely remember from my psych rotation that 1/3 of schizophrenic patients have 1 episode that gets better and they do really well, 1/3 do moderately well, and a 1/3 really struggle. It's a huge spectrum disorder IMO. Hopefully you can find some more support out there. What about a depression group and say you have psychotic depression rather than sz, or would you not feel comfortable with that??

*Willow*

I've heard the rule of thirds before. Just, where are the 2/3???

I've been to two depression groups in the past. I shouldn't discount them. I kind of . . . didn't fit . . . for a different reason. I'm really anti-psychiatry, and people with depression tend not to be so much. I think it's because they (generally) get much more control over their treatment and the anti-depressants aren't quite as horrible as the anti-psychotics.

Yeah I don't think that antidepressants are as bad as antipsychotics. Lots of people complain about them (antidepressants), but personally they're not that bad.

I've never met anyone with psychotic depression. My Mum only has to look at an antidepressant and she starts feeling better (I exaggerate slightly!) I did an audit when I was doing my GP rotation about antidepressant prescribing and review dates and 95% of them perked up after their first antidepressant, which just depressed me further! I've been on LOADS and they've done NOTHING. At least my antipsychotic actually does something so it's not all side effects!!

I personally hate the idea of going to a support group, but I hope it helps you. Maybe a bipolar group might be better as lots of people with bipolar struggle with taking meds, and they'll know about antipsychotic use, and some will have had psychotic symptoms??

*Willow*

IDK. I wasn't really looking for a support group. I just wish I knew other people like me, who got better. Like, not completely better, but . . . you know.

Maybe a different forum might be a good idea then, if you're not looking for a support group per se? I saw some ideas in another thread. The only problem is that, if people are doing well, they don't tend to visit support sites. However maybe there's some moderators etc on different sites that are doing well and stay to help others?

*Willow*

I should go poke around the forums Newtus posted the other day. I don't know what I want. Just . . . something to feel better. Plus I'm incredibly lonely right now and I'll do anything to meet new people.

That's not true, actually. I'm incredibly lonely and I have no idea how to meet new people, especially IRL.

Jesus, I'm about to watch a 4oD documentary called "The Merits of Ferrets". I need a f*cking hobby. Or a DVD collection.

most of mine are about sz or sza
ive got tons of dvds on it mostly fictional and many underground ones that are true to the dx.

thats one hobby of mine. collecting that. it started as a way to understand what was going on with me cause i didnt have any friends of therapists or w/e.

im like..tha sz movie master keyholder.
tell me what you want and i can find it.
docus - dramas - family - comedy - you name it i got a movie about sz on it.

Can you recommend some sz films for me to watch, Newtus? I'm really interested now.

I like docus and comedies, but if you can find me a rom-com about sz I will be well impressed

docus:

http://www.unlistedfilm.com/:A physician's struggle to stop hiding from and start caring for her severely schizophrenic father.

Inside Outside – A film by Pat Deegan and Terry Strecker which depicts the experiences of 8 persons with substantial histories of institutionalization, as they transition from psychiatric hospitals and nursing homes into the community. (got this movie for free from The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration ...
www.samhsa.gov/ they have a list of free things you can order and some are dvds)

My Name is Walter James Cross – A film written and produced by Psychiatrist David Dawson of Hamilton Ontario. The character Walter James Cross is a composite of some of Dr Dawson’s patients. Walter tells the story of his life with schizophrenia – an excellent depiction of what this experience can be like, especially when scarcely available services and supports fail to focus on recovery.

rom-com-borderlining drama:

Crazylove: this woman has a nervous breakdown goes into a institution. falls in love with and marries a man with schizoaffective disorder specifically. she thinks he's not that bad but experiences his disorder firsthand when he has an episode after he stops his pills.



thats just a few. i know more. but i just did all this off the top of my head.

John Nash is who you were thinking about. He invented "Nash's Equilibrium," a central part to game theory... but the theory started a few decades before him... sorry... i say that in advance so you won't yell at me again...

Ah yes, John Nash. I don't know anything much about him or about game theory. Costello linked me to a documentary about him once, but I haven't got around to watching it yet.

@fishandsandwich

any of those sound good?

this is romcomdram

Invisible Sign - Mona Gray is a 20-year-old loner who, as a child, turned to math for salvation after her father became ill. As an adult, Mona now teaches the subject and must help her students through their own crises.

her father is ill with schizophrenia and she starts to get it.

Newtus, thank you for those! I went to HMV today to see if they could order those, but they don't have them on file My mum is going to check in Canada for me -- it may be that they're such small films, they were only produced for Region 1. I'm so excited to watch them, though!

fish I'm not very good at meeting new people either, and I'm a bit concerned about how I will get on at Uni with all these new people. I don't really want really close friends, though it would be a bonus; people I can randomly chat to about the course and assignments would be nice. My plan is to engage people about the course, which will be our common interest - you could talk to work colleagues about work. If they're anything like my friends they'll LOVE talking about work!! Then see if you have any other common interests. I'm also going to try to force myself to join some Uni societies to meet people, so you could see if there are any local clubs you could join that interest you. How does any of that sound?

*Willow*

I know how you feel, Fish. Or rather... DID know how you feel. I used to get so angry because it's as if no one with schizophrenia or anything similar is expected to do anything with their life. But idk... I'm not sure if it doesn't bother me anymore because I know I might be a special exception OR if it's because I keep slipping backwards & am starting to give up on my dreams of success. Meh. :/

I'm sad, I guess, because all my courses ended and everybody moved on. Uni is kind of like a big group of ready-made social encounters, it feels like now that's done I don't have ANY social interaction anymore. Plus my two dearest friends have both moved overseas (well, one will move in two weeks, but yeah).
I'm trying to reach out at work. It's hard, because I'm actually the only person in the office who doesn't speak Arabic. I have to force people out of their comfort zone in order to have a conversation. I go to lunch sometimes with a very nice group of women, but they all chatter in Arabic while I sit quietly. Actually, I find that a bit rude as they all speak English and some speak French as their first language even!! I don't know. I think Ramadan is exaggerating how different I am from everybody there.
I'm also extra down because it's my birthday and I couldn't even find one person to do something with.
You're right, I need to join a club . . . and then talk to people in it.

I worry about doing this too. I think I'm just in a bad place right now 'cause I didn't get the grades I needed on the bar exams. Stupid ****ing wig sitting in the corner taunting me, I guess.

I'm sorry that happened, hun. I guess I just got triggered because I can't go to college AGAIN. My school dropped my application because I haven't actually taken courses & before that? They needed my Mum's welfare/foodstamps benefits documented & I couldn't get the forms on time. They wouldn't answer their phones or emails. By the time I went to see them in person, I found out my Mum is in jail again so it's pretty much all null & void. So I'm trying as hard as I can not to give up on my aspirations because they're one of the only things keeping me together... It's just difficult sometimes. Functioning enough so the people around you expect effort, but still troubled enough to where it seems impossible sometimes. *hugs*

I might take you up on this! I find film a great way of learning more about it

Any recommended documentaries? Or fictional films that aren't 'billy psycho killer' style?

i put some up above these posts

also for a true drama outlook thats true to the dx check out "Clean, Shaven". its fictional but its #1 on my list for fictional true-to-the-dx movies.

also you may try "Keane". the movie doesnt mention the dx. but imdb debates it as either severe ocd or schizophrenia. I think its schizophrenia. you really have to watch it to learn what im talking about.