Roll Call Four

yea...

most people do anyway...

Linlin still isn't home.

My son seems to be struggling. It started Sunday night. He said he was worried there was something wrong with his nose. In the past I would have said that was the sign he was about to go into a psychotic episode. There's always an obsession with a body part malfunctioning in some way. And his nose is really a common focus. One of the guys who used to torment him in high school punched his nose when he was 18 and broke it. We had to have a surgeon set it because it was healing crooked, and it still has a small bump on the side. It's been a source of a lot of anxiety for him in the past.

It's hopeful to me that at least he recognized it as an early warning sign.

Then last night he seemed to want to talk to me, but then he seemed to think he shouldn't be talking to his mom. Sigh!

I'm still working on my little business. I couldn't make that one trial of the software work. Turns out it only works on XP. Idiots! The professional version of the software costs $100, so I kind of wanted to try it first. Then I found a demo for a different program yesterday, and I fell in love with it. So I checked the price - $2600! Ouch. Makes that $100 program look good.

Btw, I found that $100 program on ebay for $83. Think it'd be safe to buy it there?

Linlin's back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i think i know where theyve been hiding and spying on me.



that water tower shack on the right. its got a blacked out window looking towards my house.

...i wonder whats in that shack.

...i wonder if they got communication equipment and thats where all the "voices" are coming from..

i really wouldnt.
but if you really want to...
make sure they have at least 99.9% user feedback rating. i wouldnt buy anything from anyone under that percentage. it weeds out the people who may potentially be scammers. etc. because most people seem have that or 100%.
look at the feedback to. are people being scammed etc you know.

ive been scammed before out of eletronics stuff like that on that place and craigslist. things didnt work or were broken.

make sure its new too. the product key code usually only works on 1 comp at a time with most all software. especially Windows based programs.

i feel like my fear is being justified today.
i went to a coffee shop and its like a sting op was in session?
things were so off. people looked different. there was abnormal people in there. not usual for that place.
i keep thinking the police are gonna pull up to myself and pull guns to my head any second now. but for what? i didnt do anything.

I have this awful fear of going to prison. That they are going to come and take me away.

me too...
everyday.
i think "today is the day".

i wish i actually had 1 person i could talk to IRL uninhibited.
i was just thinking about this.

i HAD one too
but they left the friendship because they got sick of my paranoia and ideas and stuff
they were my best friend for nearly 10 years...

theyre comin to take me away hee hee

i am so glad linlin is back, costello!!!

i have a question.
do you think it's disrespectful to pretend to do something for someone who is delusional, when really doing it is not possible, and pretending to do it makes the person happy? i don't think so myself, but i wanted to know what you guys think. it comes up sometimes at my work.

I've met people, some of them PC members, who do that very graciously and I usually get a kick out of it. Here's an example from when I was fairly new here. I wasn't sure if I was even being included in that particular invitation but I still thought it was cute (and nice of the member). Of course it's possible that not everyone would appreciate something like that.

I imagine there would be disrespectful ways to present the "favor," too, so that you'd expect almost anyone to resent it.

I'm rarely delusional myself, as far as I know.

I think my son fears that too.

thanks FooZe. i really want to know what people think, and it's okay if they disagree. i just want to know. i don't think people at my work deal very well with people who have delusions, and i am genuinely trying to do better than that. i know how it feels.

We are too. I found her on the deck this morning and brought her into the house before I left for work. My son found her on his bed when he woke up. I'm really afraid he's struggling to stay out of psychosis right now. He called me this afternoon to ask if I thought he should go out this evening if he's feeling a little sick. I asked how the his "nose" was doing - meaning the sign of impending psychosis. He said, "Oh, that's okay now. Linlin's home."

I think there's just been too much stress lately. The new neighbor's thrown a wrench in the works. And I think we were both a little afraid he had something to do with Linlin's disappearance.

in that case i am doubly glad linlin came home.

I'm not sure. I guess it depends on the person and the thing they want done. If you've told them you've arranged for the sun to rise in the west tomorrow, they might be upset when it doesn't. Unless they won't remember the promise.

i get less comments on my posts when people think im delusional

i ran out of cigarettes.
they were keeping me calm cause i ran out of anti-anx meds.

idk if im doing well or not
my dad commented on how i stopped taking care of things around the house.
hes been noticing ive been hallucinating i think because he asks me "what are you seeing?"
but idk if what im seeing is real or not.
im kinda lost right now. i think.
im not sure about anything.
i feel really paranoid.

how is your son costello?

I hope he's doing better today. He was out very late last night, so I didn't talk to him. He just texted me that his car is broken down, so he's having it towed to a garage. Hope it's fixable. He needs his wheels.

how is linlin? and the issue with the dogs going?

Linlin is well. She was lying right next to my pillow when I woke up this morning and purring louder than I've ever heard her purr before.

As far as I know there are no developments on the dogs issue. I haven't heard anything more, and mostly Bridey is either at doggie day care or inside my house. Maybe things will be worse on the weekend.

T came back... had a hard session yesterday

now hes ignoring me...

i wish i didn't ****in care if he ignored me or not

I don't understand why he's ignoring you.