Roll Call Four

I have this really bad sinking feeling and it's not even here yet.

Costello, I build model airplanes. I love balsa models the most. World War 2 planes are the ones that I do mostly.

Back to Canada in the morning. My wig and gown need a separate suitcase So glad my company is paying for this. Mr. Wiggy feels like a big burden—like an ex I can't rid myself of.

Ended work (for now) in a big tiff with my co-worker, who manages to be both completely incompetent and completely self-absorbed.

Willow: I've taken Seroquel before. It was about two weeks of zombie for me. They started me on a really high dose.

Cyber: I hope the weather passes you by with no damages.

Fire: Don't know what to say but that does sound unbearably tough.

Hope you have a safe trip, fish.

Safe trip, fish.

I finally got my insurance last Thursday! Already scheduled my mental health **** -- my appointment is on November 14th. I'm starting a medical file, then getting myself officially evaluated (yikes), & they'll figure out from there what would be best for me. Of course, I'm going to refuse medication until we can see how effective therapy is, because I don't see the need to have it any other way. My biggest concern is with the eval! I feel like I can't be honest about certain things -- I'm scared of them being on a record. But I'm mostly at peace with that. But the thought is still anxiety-inducing! I have a lot of, uh, aggression that seems to be spiking again.

Good luck with everyone about everything & whatnot! Not sure what I could say to elaborate that would make any difference.

The water district just called me. Apparently my water leak got way worse. My bill for this month is $800!

Wow, you really need to get that fixed asap. We have a well so I'm not sure what a normal water bill is but do know it's nowhere near $800... and you got a phone call to boot!

Will there be someone coming out soon to fix it?

P.S. Still have lights on but that wind is wicked! Knock on wood, no trees have fallen around or on the house. Though, we still have to get through tonight through tomorrow afternoon.

Someone's coming to look at it tomorrow morning. Don't know when he can fix it. Soon I hope. Right now we're going through as much water in a day as we normally use in a month.

We're sitting here watching your storm on the news.

Glad to hear at least the ball will start rolling tomorrow.

I'm in Central New Jersey, a half hour from the beach. Sandy is suppose to make landfall in Southern New Jersey any minute.

My son and I rode out a couple of hurricanes when we lived in the U.S. Virgin Islands. Luis and Marilyn. Not so fun.

Be safe, Cybermember.

Have a safe trip fish

Costello: sorry about the water bill Hope they fix it soon!

Cybermember: Thinking about you and hoping that you stay safe

I took 25mg quetiapine/Seroquel last night at 9:30pm and woke up 13 hours later, which isn't any different from usual. I'm starting to feel I may have blown this whole thing out of proportion...I expected to be knocked out and so am off Uni, back at home, and now I feel like I'm just playing hooky from Uni for no good reason. And I've just found out that I apparently need a sick note for Uni, but my pdoc is on hol and I'm at home with no GP to get one IDK what to do about that yet. I'm feeling a bit silly so far, like I made a mountain out of a molehill



*Willow*

Wow! 13 hours is normal for you? When my son was sleeping that long, his pdoc was reducing the dose.

Too early to feel silly. I think you're right to be cautious.

I don't sleep the whole time though! It takes me about 1-2 hours to drop off and then I toss and turn all night, but I need about 12 hours in bed at the moment to be able to function the next day. I know 12-14 hours sounds like a lot, but it doesn't feel like a lot to me as I'm still exhausted all the time

*Willow*

Ah. I understand.

A lot of the time I have to sleep 12-14 hours a day. I am constantly tired with no energy. The pills drain all my energy but if I don't take my sleeping pills, it goes to the opposite extreme... sleeping just a couple hours. I am tired all day long as well. I wish there are "awake energy pills." The thing is that energy drinks don't even work. Nothing works.

In other news, every year I am regressing into more autistic behavior. My stimming is at a high level. I rock all day. I flap my hands all day. lately I have been making weird sounds all day. I have been occasionally walking on my toes. Sometimes I haven't been looking at people in the eyes. I like being in my room by myself.

Also I have been hearing minor voices again... just here and there. Today I heard clearly that, "Your Sun will freeze, causing death on Earth." Noticing patterns everywhere I look. Its the stress coming up. Stressors cause everything in me.

My brother had high blood pressure yesterday and his doctor said it will kill him if he doesn't take his blood pressure meds. He is refusing. He wants "proof." So I told him take his blood pressure before you take your pills. Even though I am on blood pressure meds as well, there are times that under stress it doesn't work. During my last time of stress and at the same time of a psychotic break, my blood pressure got as high as 180/110. And that is WITH pills! I could have died if I wasn't having pills because it could have gotten into the 200's for the top number which can cause a heart attack on the spot. This is how severe my anxiety disorder is (GAD).

I hope Cybermember survived the storm OK.

FireBird

Happy Halloween everyone! I had another perfectly normal night, so I'm thinking of increasing it to 50mg tonight (pdoc said I could once I was tolerating 25mg). Will see how that goes. I'm feeling guilty about missing Uni when I'm fine so far; well not fine fine but ok. I've been trying to work but I just can't focus and I really cba...

Oo I've just heard that my SIL has gone into labour and so my nephew should be born today - a Halloween baby

*Willow*

My own destructive tendencies coming to bite me in the ***. Felt this wave of impending darkness over the past few days. Either I'd come to a revelation about myself or something bad would happen. So that's fun... Only not at all.

I have my nights and day's switched again. Now I'm trying to stay up so I can switch it back. Yay no sleep.

I'm back! Lost power and running water Mon. night till Wed. afternoon. Just got cable/internet back early this morning. Thankfully, no damage to the house, cars or property. One of the neighbors lost 12 trees and had some structural damage but thankfully not to the main house.

I think I may splurge on a cellphone with internet access so as not to be so cut off from the outside world next time.

I hear there may be a Nor'easter heading our way come the middle of next week. Great, snow on top of this mess!

Cyber! You made it! Yay!

I think you're wise to try to get back to a normal wake-sleep cycle.

We now might have another problem brewing. The electrical line that is at the end of the property on the street has a fallen tree on it. My housemate says that it's now sparking and smoldering. Great. My housemate called the power company to report it. I panic and dial 911 to report it and they said that the power company reported it. It ain't over yet, folks!

The power company came out and took care of the problem (at least I think 'cause they're not there now and can't imagine that they would leave while it's still smoldering). So we are safe for now.