Roll Call Four

um btw
are these the same people that did that classroom schizophrenia roleplay?

I can't watch it, because I'm out of bandwidth until the 19th. What are they doing?

they are roleplaying "being a schizophrenic" again.

i hear laughing but not too much..

you can actually here it what they are saying though its up close.

same looking classroom but what big uni classroom doesnt look that.

the teachers playing the guy with schizophrenia mimicking what they look like when they hear voices.... :: sigh :: and other stuff. its not as bad as the other one.

I'm sorry to hear that. We thought we had it tracked down to a private school attached to a hospital. I don't know if anyone approached them about changing their practices. Is it the same person posting it as last time?

see i cant tell. because its up close now. instead of being at the back of the classroom. its up right near the table.

the teacher looks diff though.

ugh i hate when people roleplay schiz. it makes me feel like im retarded.

its like "do I look like that?"

Not even Tylenol PM has been able to knock me out. Ugh.

I can't see that video right now since I'm on the iPod Touch. I'm sorry it upset you, newtus. :/

i brought something to light a few months ago and costello fish and some other peeps helped too. some people at another forum called the university and all etc etc etc

it was a video making fun BASICALLY of schiz.

some nursing student psychology class BS.

Wow, what retards. As if there aren't better things their time could be spent doing... And they have to make fun of schiz? The media already took care of that one. Don't see a point.

they were doing a roleplay in psychology class.
the students/teacher portrayed schiz to be violent and over the top.

i found it. i actually got people from 3 diff schiz forums to look into it.
and actually one of the douchbag mods at schizophrenia.com locked my
thread because idk why? and told me to call the people myself instead
of making mirrors. a mirror is just a copy of a video reposted. i reposted
it because the people who originally posted it took it down because i got it
near 1000 views and 50 comments in 6 hours of them posting it.

sitting here all night

i cant stop thinking about what i did back in feb
at that school

they had to bring in not only 3 cops 1 detective and 3 CITs
just for ME. and im even probably missing 1 or 2 in there.

man...
its going round and round in my head.
just like...
they thought i was on drugs and i wasnt...
and it was like...
they roped off the whole building...
and i almost assaulted this random girl...

It was a classroom role play - presented as if it were an educational experience on how to deal with a psychotic person during a hospital intake.

I downloaded that Pattern Maker trial yesterday, but it doesn't work. I emailed customer support, but I probably won't hear back until Monday when they get to work. I asked them to extend the four day trial, because I'll be at work until Friday. And my swimming class starts this week, so I'll even be out two evenings this week.

up all night listening to air traffic control talking about me.

forreal im not kidding.

i think im getting a pretty good idea of who you are.

What do you mean?

well you dont talk about yourself much like give details into what YOU like and do too much. so when i see something i learn more about you. you know etc...

it was supposed to be a compliment but i think i F-d that one up.

I'm not trying to be secretive. I just don't talk much about myself, because I sometimes feel like it's a distraction on a forum for people with sz. On the other hand I'm a regular poster here, so I figure ... what the heck ... especially in this roll call thread which is more of a free-for-all. So, the stuff that interests me the most in my own life - my job, my diet, my dog, my hopes for this business I'm trying to start - I think I can share occasionally. I'm sure I can get advice and support here on those things.

And I hate to share too much about my son. I get anxious about him sometimes and I really really need to talk, but he has a right to his privacy too.

i know. it came out wrong.
it was supposed to be like an excited statement.
like "yesss shes sharing things"
but i messed it up.
sorry about that.

but i see what your saying too.

i actually btw share way too much on here.
way too much.

but probably because unlike most people i dont have anyone to talk to. barely my dad either.

It's hard not having anyone to talk to. I like to talk when I'm stressed too. I'm sure I bore people terribly. I don't do it as much as I used to, but I used to call people and talk to them for like an hour about some stupid problem I had. I wish I could say I stopped doing it in order to avoid boring others, but really I stopped because I realized it was just like ruminating. It wasn't coming to any productive conclusion, and it was continuing to stoke the fires of fear and anger in me. Watering the seeds of fear and anger. Feeding the wrong wolf.

That's why I often suggest people distract themselves. Working on a solution to a problem is great. Turn it over and over in my mind just keeps me stuck in a negative cycle that keeps cuing up destructive emotions.

Your body reacts to emotions generated from negative thoughts exactly as if you were in a real life situation that brought those emotions up. So if you're sitting and thinking about something that makes you really angry, you body's releasing all those anger hormones and stuff. I just decided I wanted to experience some different emotions. Calm. Peace. Lovingkindness. It required I change the things that I thought about and talked about all day long.

i slept.

i got that appt with the case manager tomorrow.
im really scared. idk what to expect. idk what they even do!

ugh and im paying $100 out of pocket.

im so scared.

am also hoping my dad isnt drinking again
cause hes showing signs of it today.

the sucky part of all that is having to like..parent him
when im not ok. and i cant do it. cause it involves
literally every aspect of my being including mental -
emotional and even the physical part of me - having to
move him and pick him up sometimes from places.

im starting to stress out.
i feel like i want to cry
i dont want to go through this right now..

i read this.
then i thought about a dream i just had
where every one i knew was murdered
in one evening. and on top of that my
dream involved watching someone
give birth with no help. wtf.

see what happened was (haha) this
woman gave birth to a baby on a mall floor by herself
and my parents and i were friends with her. so her and her family
came to shop for the baby after she gave birth. then when they went
home we saw police near their house and they had been murdered
while getting out of the car. the baby too. all dead. at the same time
our other neighbors were laying on the side of the road and police
were there.

EVERYONE had been stabbed. so idk what was going on.

Do I share on here? IDK.

I think costello shares enough, at least as time has accumulated. And I don't think you share too much, newtus. This forum is anonymous & safe just for the sole intent of allowing people to speak their mind about whatever. Mental issues, life obstacles, random ********. I get a pretty good feel for people based on the subtelties in their responses. The advice someone gives is a good testament to their character & experience!

Don't worry, costello, I bore everyone too!! I ramble & ruminate & am constantly thinking about everything. Lately, I try not to post about it unless I'm in the throes of an anxiety attack... Which has been happening more often than it ever has on the forums. But I hear you about the stress hormones & reliving a bad situation repeatedly. If it was good for us, there wouldn't be stress-related disorders!!

Newt: You can't parent a parent, as much as you might feel the urge to. I parented my Mother for... ****. I can't even remember how long. Through her alcoholism spells, opiate addiction, cocaine addiction, untreated bipolar, psychosis. You can't do it. And you can't put so much pressure on yourself to perform in situations where it shouldn't be expected of you. *hugs* Good luck with the case manager, hun.

thing is...
i seriously..in all seriousness. i really dont have anyone else.

get it down to the bare bones..
this is the only place i have to live
he provides me food
he provides me shelter
and is the only person i really have to talk to
i have my mom but she is abusive to me emotionally.
my sister lives near canada.

everytime my dad almost dies i think of how much i need him
hes the only person that cares. hes the only person thats
ever provided me with the basics. thats ever cared.
my mom never did. id have no one.
god i feel like im having flashbacks of when he almost died.
ive been having those lately. this month last year he
almost died. i just remember calling 911 and stripping off
my shirt and tying it around him and blood just flowing
everywhere on a brand new white shirt.

i just remember being so angry inside at him for 2 weeks
later washing the shirt and returning it to me.
i wanted to keep that shirt with the blood soaked in there.
idk why. that shirt is holy to me. very seriously. i wear
that shirt STILL. cause he washed it. but TO ME i feel like
that shirt has the blood of jesus on it. i swear. i literally
believe that. i believe that blood is the blood of jesus
christ. im not kidding and dont make fun of me.
i swear to you. something about that day...i just
screamed at the top of my lungs to the 911 operator
"hes dead" "hes dead". thats the blood of jesus
im telling you. seriously.