Home Menu

Menu


Closed Thread
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #701  
Old Nov 15, 2012, 04:16 AM
Anonymous100180
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
I can't sleep... I keep hearing this banging on the walls, like they are made of drums. It's booming & surrounding me, but it's quiet. And of course no one can hear it. Else my boyfriend would be up by now. When his Mom wakes up in a few hours, hopefully I'll be able to go schedule my GP appointment. I need to be able to do something. This feels constricting. It's way too loud & I wish I knew why... I really hope this is some type of physical/neurological condition or something. Postictal Psychosis is an intriguing point of research, but I'm trying not to look up too much information because I know that's a sign of becoming obsessive... Almost unfortunate, since everything is generally going pretty well in my life. So idk.
Hugs from:
Anonymous32810, costello, cybermember, fishsandwich

advertisement
  #702  
Old Nov 15, 2012, 07:30 AM
anneo59's Avatar
anneo59 anneo59 is offline
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: Sep 2012
Location: US
Posts: 1,615
Quote:
Originally Posted by anneo59 View Post
I know the mania is so difficult but at times when depressed or flat for a long time, I actually find myself questioning myself as to whether or nnot a bout of mania would be welcomed at that time? Short, sweet, and non-destructive of course! In my dreams, I guess!!!!
not really funny at all, having been there, but you do make it sound funny!!!! I know it wasn't tho, hope you are doing better!
Hugs from:
Anonymous32810, cybermember
  #703  
Old Nov 15, 2012, 11:31 AM
fishsandwich fishsandwich is offline
Magnate
 
Member Since: Apr 2012
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 2,186
Mum rang me to apologise. I told her it was too late. Did I just break up with her?! Lord, I kind of hope so.

I'm staying with an old friend tonight.
__________________
Psychiatric Survivor
"And just when I've lost my way, and I've got too many choices . . . . I hear voices!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oLCfb54e_kM
Hugs from:
Anonymous100180, Anonymous32810, costello, cybermember
  #704  
Old Nov 15, 2012, 12:49 PM
Anonymous100180
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Good luck with that, fish! And hey. On the bright side, you get to see a friendly face... Not sure how social or asocial you are (probably forgot) but that can be a positive thing regardless.

Still have a weird foggy, headachey brain like last night. I have to have some sort of seizure condition. Or MS? Last night, I had these painful muscular twitches in my left arm that felt like a vice. I worried for a while that I was having some sort of heart attack or stroke. But then they moved to my left leg, then my abdomen, then my right arm... Didn't jerk around or anything, but I felt them. And then my left foot went numb. I took from my leftover nerve meds & though the numbness went away, the headache didn't & neither did the residual weakness in my muscles. And then after all that, the psychosis kicked in. So this is all pretty ****ing confusing to me. Today I'm just trying to "act" hypo so that maybe it rubs off & I'll be too enthusiastic to worry about this ****?

Had to make myself pass out, so I didn't get to go to the GP's office. But I wouldn't have been able to go, anyway, since MIL had her psychiatrist's appointment. And tomorrow she has an appointment too. Better luck on Monday, I suppose!

EDIT: "Although hallucinations may occur during simple partial seizures they are differentiated from psychotic symptoms by the fact that the person is usually aware that the hallucinations are not real."

This describes pretty much everything, except maybe one or two occasions of actual psychosis where I actually thought what I was experiencing was REALLY real. So. ****. I'm not sure about this. I just sent a facebook message to my friend who's going to med school... She has some form of epilepsy, too, so it seemed like the thing to do. I'll probably regret it later. But this is really grating on me. Even if it is seizures, how will they know if I'm not having a seizure during the EEG? That makes no sense to me.

Last edited by Anonymous100180; Nov 15, 2012 at 01:14 PM.
Hugs from:
costello, cybermember
  #705  
Old Nov 15, 2012, 02:03 PM
costello's Avatar
costello costello is offline
Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Dec 2010
Location: ???
Posts: 7,864
Shay: Have you heard any of these interviews with the young woman with the rare condition that caused her to have mental illness like symptoms? At one point someone suggested had bipolar. Someone else said schizoaffective. It turned out she had some kind of rare encephalitis.

http://www.susannahcahalan.com/

I'm not suggesting you have the same thing. I guess it's really, really rare. But it's always sounded to me like you have some kind of neurological problem. I know you get written off when you go to the emergency room. Something similar happened to this woman. Her parents had to insist she be referred to a neurologist.

She was interviewed on Fresh Air yesterday: http://www.npr.org/2012/11/14/165115...-brain-on-fire
__________________
"Hear me, my Chiefs! I am tired; my heart is sick and sad. From where the sun now stands I will fight no more forever."--Chief Joseph
Hugs from:
Anonymous100180
  #706  
Old Nov 15, 2012, 07:06 PM
Anonymous100180
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Thank you, Cos... I am just conflicted. I have family histories of bipolar/schizo-problems occurring just as often as the family histories of autoimmune & neurological disorders! So I'm just... Going to TRY to stop freaking out until I can actually get checked out. The weirdest part is how I'm totally lucid 90% of the time & recognize that what's happening & what I'm thinking can't possibly be real. I just don't know if this is as bad as it's going to get or if it's just a sneak preview of something worse... There really is NO way of knowing for sure. Whether this consciousness will fade or not. But hopefully bloodwork & the EEG I'm going to request will reveal something! And if not, at least I'll still have what seems to be a very nice psychologist & psychiatrist to help me sort this out if I come up dry. *shrug*

How are you, Costello?
Hugs from:
fishsandwich
  #707  
Old Nov 16, 2012, 12:23 AM
fishsandwich fishsandwich is offline
Magnate
 
Member Since: Apr 2012
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 2,186
Quote:
Originally Posted by costello View Post
Shay: Have you heard any of these interviews with the young woman with the rare condition that caused her to have mental illness like symptoms? At one point someone suggested had bipolar. Someone else said schizoaffective. It turned out she had some kind of rare encephalitis.

http://www.susannahcahalan.com/

I'm not suggesting you have the same thing. I guess it's really, really rare. But it's always sounded to me like you have some kind of neurological problem. I know you get written off when you go to the emergency room. Something similar happened to this woman. Her parents had to insist she be referred to a neurologist.

She was interviewed on Fresh Air yesterday: http://www.npr.org/2012/11/14/165115...-brain-on-fire
This!! It's not so rare as people thing . . . I've known at least five people who actually had some form of seizure disorder, but were constantly diagnose with an MI and then treated dismissively. They usually ended up paying for private medical treatment just to get a decent doctor to sort them out.

I'm OK. My friend is nice. I'm feeling sad about my mum, can't fathom what she did. She keeps ringing me, but I turned my phone off and we keep watching films. I'm so sick of being homeless.
__________________
Psychiatric Survivor
"And just when I've lost my way, and I've got too many choices . . . . I hear voices!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oLCfb54e_kM
Hugs from:
Anonymous100180
  #708  
Old Nov 16, 2012, 01:53 PM
Anonymous100180
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Well, I'm glad you're doing okay fish. And it's understandable to be sorry about what happened between you & your Mother. But on top of grating on your nerves, that insensitive comment wasn't at all what you needed. So you need some time away to separate yourself from the situation? I'm sure anyone else would do the same. I know I sure as hell would!!

I feel stupid for feeling so drawn into this seizure thing! I mean, I've been looking up information & even asked my friend who's epileptic & a pre-med student... She seems to think it's entirely possible. I'm just not sure whether I'm obsessing or being observant.
I mean. After reading the pages I'll link at the end of my messages, I feel with absolute certainty that I *do* have something like this. But how often would they realistically occur? Because recall how I posted a few months back about repetitive twitching & how my mind goes blank/fuzzy during these episodes? I even had one string of episodes over a duration of 11 hours after a bad bout of sleep deprivation -- status epilepticus. And about my random episodes of acting especially giddy & fidgetty & literally unable to stop myself from slamming/smacking things & moving my legs or arms.
But at the same time... This doesn't explain any lasting deluded thoughts. How I have to keep the shower door open because I'm afraid I won't see my murderer in time to defend myself. Or how I feel that if I make a weird face in the mirror or do something embarrassing in front of a mirror, it will be somehow recorded by someone to use against me. I've had those thoughts since I was a little kid, so I don't know how to explain that. But... ****. It's so hard not to over-analyze.

Sorry for clogging up the roll call with my stupid ****. I should have just made my own thread, lol.

http://www.livestrong.com/article/179232-about-partial-seizures/

http://www.livestrong.com/article/13...having-simple/
http://www.livestrong.com/article/13...ing-myoclonic/
http://www.livestrong.com/article/72...ptoms-seizure/
Hugs from:
costello
  #709  
Old Nov 16, 2012, 01:56 PM
costello's Avatar
costello costello is offline
Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Dec 2010
Location: ???
Posts: 7,864
The problem is, once you have a psych dx, everything gets blamed on the psych dx.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shayatanica View Post
How are you, Costello?
I'm okay. Not great. Not awful. Kind of wondering what's the point of it all.

My son has a job interview in half an hour. Fulltime, temporary (until March). $11/hour. Customer service. Answering questions about the FAFSA on an 800 line. He's done this work before, so he should be a shoo-in for the job.

He was pretty stressed about it last night. And he always lashes out at me when he's stressed. I told him not to worry about it, and he said the only way he can not worry about something is if he doesn't care about it. I can understand why he thinks that way, because I used to think the same way myself. It's not true, though, as I've learned. You can care very much about something still not waste lots of emotional energy on rumination.

I told him this morning that I care very much about both of my sons, and I've had to learn to let a lot of things go and not worry about them, just trust that things will work out one way or another.

He said last night that he feels like if there's anything at all that he can do to improve a situation, he wants to do it. That's where the worrying comes in, he says. I totally get that. I have a hard time letting go when I think that just maybe there's something that I can do that might make a bit of difference. That's why I push my son sometimes. In the end, he experiences it as controlling behavior on my part. It's hard to let go, though.
__________________
"Hear me, my Chiefs! I am tired; my heart is sick and sad. From where the sun now stands I will fight no more forever."--Chief Joseph
Hugs from:
Anonymous100180, fishsandwich
  #710  
Old Nov 16, 2012, 10:15 PM
junkDNA's Avatar
junkDNA junkDNA is offline
Comfy Sedation
 
Member Since: Sep 2012
Location: the woods
Posts: 19,305
ugh.................................
__________________
Hugs from:
Anonymous100180, costello
  #711  
Old Nov 17, 2012, 12:30 AM
fishsandwich fishsandwich is offline
Magnate
 
Member Since: Apr 2012
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 2,186
Quote:
Originally Posted by costello View Post
The problem is, once you have a psych dx, everything gets blamed on the psych dx.
I sometimes think I could go to A&E carrying my own severed leg in my arms, and they'd say it was all in my head . . .

I'm glad your son is looking into work. It sounds like he's doing really well, even though you both sound a bit worried about it.
__________________
Psychiatric Survivor
"And just when I've lost my way, and I've got too many choices . . . . I hear voices!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oLCfb54e_kM

Last edited by FooZe; Nov 17, 2012 at 02:34 AM. Reason: added trigger icon
Thanks for this!
costello
  #712  
Old Nov 17, 2012, 12:31 AM
fishsandwich fishsandwich is offline
Magnate
 
Member Since: Apr 2012
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 2,186
I really want to do something to shake this horrible depression, the problem is I don't know what the hell to do. I think it has been about eight months of depression (or if I don't kid myself, nearly a decade).
__________________
Psychiatric Survivor
"And just when I've lost my way, and I've got too many choices . . . . I hear voices!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oLCfb54e_kM
Hugs from:
Anonymous100180, costello, cybermember
  #713  
Old Nov 17, 2012, 10:52 AM
Anonymous59893
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
fish, Shay, costello, junkDNA

I'm here. Trying to catch up on my uni work before I go in on Monday. Feeling really sleepy right now though, so will probably go take a nap

*Willow*
Hugs from:
fishsandwich
Thanks for this!
costello, cybermember
  #714  
Old Nov 17, 2012, 05:03 PM
Anonymous100180
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Thanks for the hugs, Willow! And I hope you're holding up, junkDNA.

Hey fish, have you gone back to running? I know that used to soothe you a lot. What about knitting or revisiting an interest of yours? And if you're already doing those, try an ASMR video from the youtube user I'll link. Evidently, there are lots of people who find relief from closing their eyes & listening to these videos. It gives people a tingling feeling on their skin, goosebumps, & can give anxiety relief to people who don't benefit from meditation. Though I know it's depression, not anxiety, that you're going through -- maybe it will help? Enough to get you motivated to working your brain to figure something out?

https://www.youtube.com/user/makesme...ow=grid&view=0


How did the interview with your son go, Cos? I'm sorry you're feeling so much pressure & a lack of enthusiasm or hope. I really hope you feel better soon. Make sure to take good care of yourself!! You deserve it.


I'm not as tense or nervous or confused as I was. Got an e-mail back from my step-grandmother. Evidently my Grandfather gets complex partial seizures where his legs go nuts... But he's been to a bunch of neurologists & they say they can't "find a cause for the seizure activity". So they decided, instead of admitting their lack of knowledge, they called them psychogenic! Ahhh, fun. So while I feel at least certain I know what's going on, I'm no longer anxiety-ridden about it. And though I'm still mildly psychotic & have a hard time getting to sleep because of it? I'm fighting it for the most part.
  #715  
Old Nov 17, 2012, 06:38 PM
junkDNA's Avatar
junkDNA junkDNA is offline
Comfy Sedation
 
Member Since: Sep 2012
Location: the woods
Posts: 19,305
feeling bored, tired,
looking for a new car cuz i totalled mine,
but i was fine-
i walked away just fine...

anyway, yeah, bored

__________________
Hugs from:
Anonymous100180, costello, cybermember, fishsandwich
  #716  
Old Nov 18, 2012, 08:20 AM
lolitahiddleston's Avatar
lolitahiddleston lolitahiddleston is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Nov 2012
Location: Mallard point, delaware
Posts: 94
Omg what happened ? Hope ur ok
  #717  
Old Nov 18, 2012, 10:38 AM
fishsandwich fishsandwich is offline
Magnate
 
Member Since: Apr 2012
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 2,186
I am *thisclose* to hiring a life coach just so I have somebody to be accountable to about my days/diet/exercise/spending habits. Turns out that freelancing is NOT good for my mental state.
__________________
Psychiatric Survivor
"And just when I've lost my way, and I've got too many choices . . . . I hear voices!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oLCfb54e_kM
Hugs from:
Anonymous100180, cybermember
  #718  
Old Nov 18, 2012, 12:53 PM
costello's Avatar
costello costello is offline
Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Dec 2010
Location: ???
Posts: 7,864
Quote:
Originally Posted by fishsandwich View Post
I am *thisclose* to hiring a life coach just so I have somebody to be accountable to about my days/diet/exercise/spending habits. Turns out that freelancing is NOT good for my mental state.
Fish, you should be a life coach. Set up a website and get people to pay you to crack a whip over them. My sister hired someone like that when she was working on her PhD - to keep her on track with her dissertation.
__________________
"Hear me, my Chiefs! I am tired; my heart is sick and sad. From where the sun now stands I will fight no more forever."--Chief Joseph
  #719  
Old Nov 18, 2012, 01:17 PM
Anonymous100180
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Maybe you could do that; I can't see how having a life coach would be negative aside from having to actually PAY them. But I really like Costello's idea. Maybe doing SOMETHING steady could really help you get back in order. Listlessness is the worst thing for one's mind. Maybe go over to the nearby college & offer to tutor or something along those lines?

Right now I'm working on compiling a log from my tumblr account, PC, & psychforum posts to fill in the time period from May until now where I neglected to write in my journal. For my psychologist's visits & whatnot... There's probably a lot of weird experiences I'll overlook & it'd be nice to have a composite view of everything for myself. But really? It's just a way to take up time & feel like I'm doing something useful.
  #720  
Old Nov 18, 2012, 02:57 PM
Anonymous59893
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Glad you're ok junkDNA!

Maybe a life coach or a different T will help fish. It would be nice for you to have someone to talk everything over with.

I'm starting to stress again. I'm supposed to have caught up my stats before my class tomorrow afternoon, which I haven't. I did an hour yesterday, but my brain wanted to explode. I don't understand it at all, and I'm a bit anxious about turning up to class without having caught up, though I can't miss anymore time. I'm also trying to do some research so that I can come up with an essay plan for my social psychology coursework. The lecturer said she'd look over our essay plans to make sure we're on the right track on Tuesday. I've been doing some research, but it's not making much sense. The journal articles are confusing me and I can't think how to answer the question set, or organise my notes into an essay plan. I've got 7 pages of notes and not a clue what to do with them

*Willow*
Hugs from:
cybermember
  #721  
Old Nov 18, 2012, 08:38 PM
junkDNA's Avatar
junkDNA junkDNA is offline
Comfy Sedation
 
Member Since: Sep 2012
Location: the woods
Posts: 19,305

probly getting kicked out of the program im in
because i relapsed last week
and they tested me but i fessed up...

scared, symptoms flaring up badly...
don't want to have to leave but...
i made my bed...
right?

__________________
Hugs from:
Anonymous32810, costello, cybermember, fishsandwich
  #722  
Old Nov 18, 2012, 08:39 PM
junkDNA's Avatar
junkDNA junkDNA is offline
Comfy Sedation
 
Member Since: Sep 2012
Location: the woods
Posts: 19,305
Quote:
Originally Posted by lolitahiddleston View Post
Omg what happened ? Hope ur ok
yea..
rolled my car...
wasn't wearing a seat belt...
ended up in the backseat...

but i am ok
__________________
Hugs from:
Anonymous32810, costello, cybermember, FooZe
  #723  
Old Nov 19, 2012, 01:11 AM
Anonymous32810
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Hi guys. Well, my disability hearing went okay, but the Judge said he needed an additional four to six weeks to make a final decision, which leaves me in limbo.

I was actually blessed to be confronted with my complete medical records from my entire life, and was quite shocked to say the least. I was never diagnosed with Paranoid schizophrenia at all, ever, so far. I have no idea why I was told this by my mother for the last eleven years. I have no idea.

I actually have been diagnosed by four separate psychotherapists across four inpatient visits (out of twelve complete inpatient stays in my life) with "Borderline Personality Disorder" with psychotic features. This explains a little to me, why I don't hear voices etc. but not why the heck I was told that I was a paranoid schizophrenic by my mother for all of these years....I have no idea of a motive for this.

I still have a lot in common with my relative psychotic nature, during times of extreme stress I turn psychotic no doubt. But I have apparently never been diagnosed with schizophrenia but I feel at home here with yall so please tolerate me if you can. I am swirled around by this startling turn of events but I'll get over it. My dad also has BPD and I am learning a lot about it lately. Hope everybody is doing okay, love yall. Yours truly, Lightbulb7

P.S. Oh yeah, I sobered up. Three days now and I am trying my best to stay away from alcohol. It was a drunken mess the last few weeks, but the page has turned and hope has returned to my heart. Here's looking at you, kid! I'm on the wagon again! Keep on truckin I guess ;D
Hugs from:
costello, cybermember, FooZe
  #724  
Old Nov 19, 2012, 01:07 PM
Anonymous59893
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Yey! Congrats on 3 days sober lightbulb

Today was my first day back in Uni, but I only managed half a day. The anxiety about going to stats having not caught up yet was too great Instead I did some more planning of my social essay, and I'm feeling calmer about that now. I was so anxious last night! I hate how hard it is to order my thoughts on paper now. Planning essays was once a breeze and now it's like wading through treacle, trying to make the pieces line up in a neat, logical order when my brain is all over the place. Anyway, I think I'm there now. Phew! Hopefully will get some good feedback on it tomorrow and then can write it over xmas.

Anyway, hope everyone else is okay

*Willow*
Hugs from:
Anonymous32810
  #725  
Old Nov 19, 2012, 02:59 PM
Anonymous100180
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
I wish I could have some sort of totem to prove whether I'm in reality or not. Like in Inception? That would be better than any amount of therapy or drugs or philosophy. Just not sure if I would believe it... Even if it were foolproof.
Hugs from:
Anonymous32810, costello
Closed Thread
Views: 46148

attentionThis is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:59 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.




 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.