Psychosis or Pathological Lying?

Hi everyone! I'm really new to this website and what brings me here is because of the last relationship I was in. I know we can't diagnose anyone but if you have further insight on what I am going to share that'd be great. So to make a very long year short here goes...

I started dating this guy I had known for years but we weren't really friends...had always been attracted to him so when we started dating sparks FLEW! Everything seemed perfect. I was madly in love with him and vise versa....so he said.

He let me in on a little "secret" that he had been in the military. Told me lots of stories about it but not to share because nobody knew. His family thought he was in GA for business. I had no real idea of his past so I believed him. He once said his exwife called the cops on him, that he took one of his ex's ex to court and won a lot of money. He said he had $20,000 in the bank, he said he wasn't talking to his most recent ex,that he started counseling with some lady....

These were all lies. Very carefully plotted lies where he would give me in MAJOR detail the conversations between him and his therapist. He started journaling about his time in Iraq too, giving me detailed descriptions of his missions and what it was like to kill someone. We wore his dog tags 247 bc it made him feel like he still belonged to something. All horrible things i thought.

Fast forward to 4 months in and please don't judge me but I was pregnant and choose to have an abortion. Yes I was in love w him but it wasn't the right time for me/us. This sadly really hurt him and he cheated on me and soon after became suicidal. He was placed in a locked floor for 5 days then did 7 weeks of an out patient program .....this is when i found out that all the "truths" were lies.

We are no longer together as of very recently and I am hurt by all that has transpired but I still am trying to understand it better. Even after the outpatient program he constantly lied...over things that didn't matter at all! And things that did matter. I know he had a horrible upbringing which is why I held on so long ....I thought I was helping.

Any take on this? I know he's out of touch with reality but don't know much more than that. Thanks for any input, I appreciate it!

This doesn't sound like psychosis to me. It sounds more like confabulation or just plain old fashioned lying (since he told you not to talk about it with people who might blow his story).

IMO you're lucky to be out of this relationship, especially if you're planning on having children some day. This guy will bring you and your kids a lifetime of misery. Try to find a life partner you don't need to fix.

Ahh, yes that would make sense- he was aware it wasn't true... Not sure why I didny think of that! I am more blown away about the depths he went to lie. He would cry over these things, it seemed SO real! I still love him and want the best for him but I have to move on....my life has already been affected enough.

Thank you!

I think I'm going to agree with Costello.

Okay well, with psychosis, they are not lies. Psychosis is true, even though it's actually not. How does that work exactly?

Well, a lie is a purposefully crafted thing that is not true, and told on purpose to mislead someone else.

Psychosis is a firmly held belief, which may often seem very strange to others, that the person 100% believes is true. It is their actual reality, even if it is not the reality for anyone else around them. Nothing anyone can say can convince someone that a delusion is false. It would be like trying to convince you that the sky is green and it rains gumdrops.

For example, when I worked in an eye clinic we had a patient with schizophrenia who had a certain name, first and last, which was his real name. There are two other men in the country who were actually somewhat known in the media, and they just happened to have the same name as our patient. One was a political speech writer and the other was a criminal lawyer. Our patient believed that he was both of those men... or more correctly, that those men were him. He had written the book published by the speech writer. He had defended and prosecuted the cases of the lawyer. He could not distiguish that he was a different person with the same name....

So he would sit and tell you details about "his" book or trials as if it were true, because he was proud of those accomplishment.

So, my question is this: when he went to the outpatient program did he confess that he had been lying to you? Or did someone take you aside to make you aware that these things were not true, but he still insists they are?

The lying you mention after outpatient doesn't sound like psychosis to me, though. Lying about anything and everything for no reason. That's not psychosis at all.

Thank you for your response! At first I wasn't sure if he knew his lies were real or not. After the notebook full of military stories I was certain he believed his stories...however he told me he knew they weren't real after I"cracked the case". I found out the stories were not true because like any girlfriend...we can become detectives pretty easily. I looked on his computer, email, facebook and talked to his exwife (they have a daughter together so when he was in the locked down floor we had talked). When I confronted him about it he admitted it all, cried and said he couldn't stop lying. I guess I wasnt 100 percent sure what psychosis is, I've only read stuff online.

I came to the "family day" at his outpatient program but we basically talked about his self esteem/control issues. Never brought up the lying but it was only about an hour long. It was with 10 other people and he said he didn't want to be judged. He started counseling after but I have no idea what they address.

So basically he's just a compulsive liar who's depressed. I still feel for him but gosh, it makes me angry. I hope he gets help tho.

My younger son is like that. Like your bf he had an extremely abusive early life. He was also probably exposed to alcohol in the womb and was failure to thrive - at 3 months old he'd gained no weight. He was admitted to the hospital and gained a pound in a matter of days. I adopted him at almost 13 years of age. I always say when he's talking he's lying. And he can make himself shed real tears on cue. It's very dramatic if you don't know him.

Anyway I've always wondered how much of his problems have to do with emotional/psychological abuse and neglect and how much is down to actual physical damage to his brain from the prenatal alcohol exposure and starvation as an infant. I'm sure some of it is genetic too. It would be difficult to tease out what's what.

Good luck to you.

Ahh, yes. That cannot be ruled out- the affects to his brain. I know his mom was into drugs but idk any details about her pregnancy with him. He was physically, mentally, emotionally & sexually abused. It IS very sad as I'm sure you can relate to.

Idk if hell ever get help that will actually help but I hope he does. I do really love him.

Has it been challenging raising your son?

Extremely.