[Sometimes psychotic]

Just wondering how people first got diagnosed...it's rare for people with psychosis/schizophrenia to recognize it in themselves.

I though I was having a heart attack...had weird shocking sensations in my chest and leg. I called my friend but she didn't get there fast enough so I called 911. Anyway while in the hospital my friends unearthed a few more delusions I was having. They naturally freaked out and got me to a psychiatrist since the hospital refused to do anything for me other than a brain scan and drug test.

I spent at least twenty minutes talking to the pdoc before saying anything crazy until I was prompted by my friend about one of the delusions. Then I thought he was on our side and I told him everything about the voices and he started a more detailed interview. I got to pack a bag then went to inpatient.

How about you guys how did you originally get diagnosed?

[The_little_didgee]

In my mid twenties, I had a psychosis that lasted about 14 months. It started with auditory and some visual (distortions) hallucinations. About 6 months later, I became delusional, paranoid and agitated.

The agitation was very difficult to deal with. It was so severe, I mentioned it to a social worker, I knew. She set up an emergency appointment with a doctor, who diagnosed psychosis, and prescribed Zyprexa. Within three days, I noticed an improvement, especially with the agitation.

I think in the early stages of psychosis (before the delusions set in) one can have insight. As it slowly worsened, my insight became less and less.

At the time, I was diagnosed with Psychotic Disorder NOS. It hasn't re-occured so I consider myself recovered.

[Sometimes psychotic]

Originally Posted by The_little_didgee

In my mid twenties, I had a psychosis that lasted about 14 months. It started with auditory and some visual (distortions) hallucinations. About 6 months later, I became delusional, paranoid and agitated.

The agitation was very difficult to deal with. It was so severe, I mentioned it to a social worker, I knew. She set up an emergency appointment with a doctor, who diagnosed psychosis, and prescribed Zyprexa. Within three days, I noticed an improvement, especially with the agitation.

I think in the early stages of psychosis (before the delusions set in) one can have insight. As it slowly worsened, my insight became less and less.

At the time, I was diagnosed with Psychotic Disorder NOS. It hasn't re-occured so I consider myself recovered.

Awesome I'm glad you're recovered. Are you off the zyprexa?

[The_little_didgee]

I no longer take it.

P.S. You have some very caring friends.

[Sometimes psychotic]

Originally Posted by The_little_didgee

I no longer take it.

P.S. You have some very caring friends.

I know I'm very lucky to have them. Glad to hear you're no longer on the meds I'm starting to taper off them. It's hard to find success stories so happy to meet you.

[The_little_didgee]

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

I know I'm very lucky to have them. Glad to hear you're no longer on the meds I'm starting to taper off them. It's hard to find success stories so happy to meet you.

Likewise.

[newtus]

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

it's rare for people with psychosis/schizophrenia to recognize it in themselves.

extremely common misconception.

ive been in hospitals near 15x. inpatient. outpatient.
private. public. got sent to residential long term facility too.
talked to many folks who were off the extreme deep end and on the mild side of schizophrenia/psychosis.
many dont recognize. but many do too. even if they knew they notice they stopped socializing. or got random paranoid thoughts. etc.
some do some dont. but not rare.

ive shouted my story up n down the broadways of dallas.
up and down the slick tricks of suburbia too. you know.
and made way through through the fricks of rurality.
and through the halls of the intermittent internet.

ive been in the mental health system since i was 9 yrs old.
but got Dxd wit schizoaffective at 17.
paranoid schizophrenia at 21.
@ 17 i had a weapon at school. a razor they says is weapon.
idk but that year i was in back to back hospital 5 times and then sent across state to a long term facility. i would been 4-5 years. but i wasnst.
@ 21 i held up a school and had couple more brush ins with law and yea....that year i got Dxd paranoid schiz.

made my way through slick brush of painy psychiatrists.
i feel militarized against this system.
"STATE YOUR NAME." they say.
"STATE YOUR CASE." they say.
and i spill it in fear.

now. ive been hearing voices since i was 12. i was Dxd wif depression w/psychosis @ 13. but.....wasnt til 17 it just went downhill. but i didnt entirely understand what was going on wif me. just knew i was severely depressed & suicidal and knew i was hearing spirits. demonic spirits.

@ 17 my mother enlisted me in getting an exorcism which i kinda ended doing. but it was against my will. they call it something a bit diff in catholiscm. because it was some sort of partial exorcism.

[Sometimes psychotic]

Originally Posted by newtus

extremely common misconception.

ive been in hospitals near 15x. inpatient. outpatient.
private. public. got sent to residential long term facility too.
talked to many folks who were off the extreme deep end and on the mild side of schizophrenia/psychosis.
many dont recognize. but many do too. even if they knew they notice they stopped socializing. or got random paranoid thoughts. etc.
some do some dont. but not rare.

I guess I don't know enough people with the Dx. I had no idea at all I had an acute onset and was delusional overnight. I'm really sorry for the pain and struggle that you've been through.

[newtus]

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

I guess I don't know enough people with the Dx. I had no idea at all I had an acute onset and was delusional overnight. I'm really sorry for the pain and struggle that you've been through.

no your ok.
i tell people that because
im here to change the misunderstanding of psychiatry in this world.
even doctors tout information to patients that THEY KNOW is incorrect too. it just worsens the whol understanding of mental illness
AND the system that follows it.

some people know a little.
some dunno at all.
some actually know a lot.
i only knew i was very depressed and hearing demons.
but thas all i knew.

bless you
or just thank you
i try to cover religious/nonreligius beliefs^^^
BUT thank you for reading and listening to me and giving me the time of day.

[KUREHA]

Well I was seeing a psychologist for a different reason and she got concerned and got me to see a psychiatrist.

I don't have schizophrenia though - they think I have delusional disorder. I don't have it though - because I know what is happening.

[Atypical_Disaster]

I got diagnosed in a hospital after a suicide attempt when I was a teenager. I was actively hallucinating and delusional at the time(in spite of being on meds... totally useless!) I knew something was wrong, I just wasn't sure of what it was. They still aren't sure what my dx is as far as psychotic disorders go.

[newtus]

Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster

I got diagnosed in a hospital after a suicide attempt when I was a teenager. I was actively hallucinating and delusional at the time(in spite of being on meds... totally useless!) I knew something was wrong, I just wasn't sure of what it was. They still aren't sure what my dx is as far as psychotic disorders go.

idk if you wer on ADs
but i heard ADs cause psychosis in some.
when i was 13 and 15 i was on antidepressants prozac and then zoloft at one time at the time. it may not have been them to make me hear voices and see things when i was that age but i know prozac made me seriously homicidal.

[mimi2112]

Sometimes: I think it is interesting that in your case you were instantly psychotic. Wasn't there anything going on with you as you look back that you can put your finger on as being "not right"? Could it be that you were escalating towards psychosis and had no insight? Were you not sleeping, etc during that time? The feeling you had of thinking you were having a heart attack sounds to me like a type of panic attack/paranoia. What was it exactly that your friends noticed about you that prompted them to bring it up with you and your pdoc regarding delusions? What were your delusions?

My experience is and has been that I am acutely aware of my decompensation. I now know to nip it in the bud and mainly focus on sleep, nutrition, and triggers like stress and negative influences in my life. I think my experiences are not "typical" in that they don't seem to be chronic, and I agree with Newtus' regarding antidepressants sometimes inducing a psychosis in those predisposed to psychotic episodes.

I have had a lot of serious negative experiences with all meds. My recent break/episode was induced by a change in meds and not being under the care of a psych provider. The practitioner I was seeing at the time of my recent event was only a Physician's Assistant. During that time I was under a huge amount of stress and had a lot of grieving and financial issues; no amount of medication is going to cure us from " life", but changing meds around at that time for me probably was the straw that broke the camel's back.

I had been stable, despite life events, on Prozac for many years when I had insurance and was under the care of a Psychiatrist. Regrettably, after my divorce I moved to a state with horrible healthcare options. I assumed I would have the quality care that I received while married, in California, insured etc. Prozac was always the default med for me, so I remained on that and was ok for the most part. I wish I'd just stayed on that and not " gone along" with what my therapist recommended to my PA which was to switch to Paxil. Whithin a week of the Paxil, I was decompensating. I had constant diahrhea. I was not sleeping. I was violent, I was losing tons of weight I was even more paranoid and suspicious. Like I said, a PA and a therapist are not trained in psychiatry, things got worse for me because of that. Things are much better now than last July when I broke, but I have been deemed "non-compliant". So be it.

My episodes in the past and especially the one last year have been fairly brief, no longer than a month. I occasionally have some residual stuff if I am stressed, etc. When the slight paranoia creeps in for example, I have some insight into it and have learned to talk myself out of it. I then prioritize getting sleep and eating right. During these times I will also not go out in public or plan social events or appointments that may trigger me. I just wait till they(the weird symptoms) pass. Then I resume regular ife activities.

[newtus]

@mary123

me???

[mimi2112]

Originally Posted by newtus

@mary123

me???

Hi Newtus---u'd mentioned above in the thread about AD's and psychosis being induced by them.... is that why you put ??????????

i wasn't speaking about your experience personally, but you mentioned it (antidepressants inducing psychosis). that is why i brought it up again, especially my experience.

did i cause some confusion? i didn't mean to.

[Sometimes psychotic]

Originally Posted by mary123

Sometimes: I think it is interesting that in your case you were instantly psychotic. Wasn't there anything going on with you as you look back that you can put your finger on as being "not right"? Could it be that you were escalating towards psychosis and had no insight? Were you not sleeping, etc during that time? The feeling you had of thinking you were having a heart attack sounds to me like a type of panic attack/paranoia. What was it exactly that your friends noticed about you that prompted them to bring it up with you and your pdoc regarding delusions? What were your delusions?

So I was giving a talk at a national meeting on my research and at some point during the conference some of the talks started seeming weird almost fake...that was the beginning of my episode then someone actually laughed at one of the talks, that would never happen its a very rigid professional environment but I believed it to be real I had zero insight. Before the conference I was so busy writing two grants and training in a student into the lab. I also had to write a new IBC(biosafety) protocol. We work on E coli and diarrheal disease. Anway I was fine but stressed during that period, then came the talk then came and then the crazy----I started thinking that the professional organization that I belong to was actually made up of psychics and that I was selected for my psychic ability(hearing voices) as well as my scientific ability for a special subsection of that was interconnected for their psychic powers and they all worked on grants together. I fully believed this as the people I knew in this organization who I'd been interacting with at the conference but not in day to day life all became voices.

The delusion that got me caught was about a former lab member who I thought had raped me. While I was in the hospital for the "heart attack" I remembered that I had also been raped earlier that morning---it was a combination of physical hallucination and delusion. Anyway the former lab member was several states away and had recently announced his marriage so it made no sense---I mean I had to talk to the police and everything and give them my underwear. It was a real thing and I thought it was this really complex scenario where I had been psychically raped but then when I woke up my door was unlocked so I thought it could be real too. But I was supposed to set up this former lab member for the rape because he was also the devil. So I told the cops that I thought it was this guy and later when they called back luckily I had been over the delusion with the pdoc so I realized that just because my door was unlocked didn't mean that I was raped. So I told the cops I had just gotten out of inpatient and that I thought I was wrong. They were very nice and told me they hoped I was feeling better. Sorry if this is complicated but it really was.

Anyway zero insight until after the meeting when I was back at work and I thought the voices could be schizophrenia but that was for like 5 minutes somehow my brain preferred that I be special and psychically gifted...and the voices proved themselves to me with various knowledge that is probably just stuff I learned at one point then forgot. So initially I paid the voices no heed thinking it was a big prank and someone had put a transmitter in my ear or tooth or something then 2 weeks went by and I knew the batteries for something so small I couldn't see would not last that long. So it had to be real----I was lost entirely but I kept going to work everyday at the 2 week point I became manic, doing 3 days worth of work in one and sleeping 2 hours a night if you could call it sleep..it was more like I blacked out. I once had the voices call me a paranoid schizophrenic while I was trying to goto sleep, they were all having a big conversation about me. I was only sick for a month and a half but I remember everything in great detail. Pdoc called it acute, apparently a lot of people have a slower onset. On the meds I can totally tell when I'm hallucinating though so I have some idea what it must be like to know. Frankly it felt better and was a lot more fun not to know; however it was dangerous...when I thought that I had a transmitter in my tooth I was thinking of breaking all my teeth out with a hammer----that would not have been good. Luckily I figured I'd have to go to the dentist after breaking them out to get the stubs removed and I was afraid they'd just put another transmitter in. So I decided I would just put up with it until the batteries died. Sorry this is so long, but that's how my story began.

I don't know if I should reply or not. I've been lurking lately because I feel like I don't really have psychosis and so I shouldn't be posting here, but maybe I can get some feedback before I see my pdoc next week?

6 years ago I became depressed for no real reason. I went on antidepressants after hoping for 6 months that it would disappear on its own, but they never helped. 2 1/2 years later I started hearing voices that said horrible things about me. It freaked me out cos hearing voices is your typical 'crazy' symptom. After a few months, I plucked up the courage to tell my pdoc because it was distressing, but she didn't believe me so the voices continued without treatment.

6 months after telling her, I moved and changed pdocs - this time I was believed. My diagnosis became 'depression with psychotic features'. As well as the voices, I'd started to believe that there was a hole in my brain because it was rotting away, and that people can hear my thoughts if I make eye contact with them. Abilify/aripiprazole made the voices lessen, but never changed those beliefs. Without the voices, I began to fear that I'd made them up to get attention.

Last October, I told pdoc about some mood swings I'd noticed over the years that had started to become a pattern, and my diagnosis was changed to 'bipolar 2 with psychotic features'. I was started on Seroquel/quetiapine which has done nothing for the voices, though I am now on 500mg. Sometimes my depression is the worst problem, but other times the voices and/or worries I have become more prominent. Pdoc has always known about the voices, but I don't like to talk about them, and he never asks about my worries, and was never that interested if I tried to tell him. A few months ago, the voices got bad & I couldn't cope as well as I normally do. I was hearing footsteps follow me, and was paranoid about people behind me. Pdoc was surprised and started pondering a schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder diagnosis, which I wasn't happy about. I don't understand how I can have a sz/sza label if I've never had a proper psychotic episode, or been hospitalised?! Also the DSM criteria for sza has 2 weeks of psychotic symptoms without mood symptoms, which I've never had (although the ICD 10 for Europe doesn't have this). We agreed to leave it as bipolar with psychosis. My stress dissapated and so did the voices, and depression became the most prominent issue again.

Then a month or 6 weeks ago, my housemate's mother came to stay for a week. This majorly stressed me out. Though the voices are bearable, what was an occasional & vague concern about cameras and being watched at times, became a conviction that this woman had hidden cameras all over the house to spy on me. I can't shower anymore because of this and I get dressed and undressed hiding under my duvet so she won't see me undressed. The paranoia became worse about people following me, knowing my thoughts, everyone hating me etc. I still believe that my brain is rotting and that's the cause of my cognitive symptoms. And I hate watching the news because the newscasters are having a go at me for everyone who dies, because it should be me instead. I avoid the news now and have for a few years because I feel guilty for not wanting to be alive when all these nice people die everyday. But now there's a dog food advert that tells me I'm a bad owner and they're going to come and take my dog away.

I'm scared a lot of the time, and eventually confided in my Mum about my fears. She rang to arrange an earlier appointment with my pdoc, which is next Friday. All of those fears are ongoing, but I'm also worried about pdoc thinking I'm a fraud and attention seeking. I've never been hospitalised because I still have insight. My suspiciousness means I don't tell people the crazy fears I have, so no one would know unless I told them. I'm not acting abnormally, or talking weirdly. I was able to force myself to go food shopping this week & have been out walking the dog. So I'm still mostly functioning, though I've not showered in weeks or brushed my hair or teeth. So I think it's not a big deal. Right?

Anyone have chronic psychotic symptoms without clear-cut episodes? Anyone still able to sort of function? Anyone not been hospitalised? I just feel like I'm making a fuss over nothing...

I'm sorry for how long this is, and for going off topic but it's kind of related. I would be grateful for any feedback.

*Willow*

[newtus]

Originally Posted by mary123

Hi Newtus---u'd mentioned above in the thread about AD's and psychosis being induced by them.... is that why you put ??????????

i wasn't speaking about your experience personally, but you mentioned it (antidepressants inducing psychosis). that is why i brought it up again, especially my experience.

did i cause some confusion? i didn't mean to.

no confusion.
yea i said that.
it seemed like it did but idk in my siutaiton. mighta not. mighta just be getting worse. i got worse very slowly in my teens but when i got worse i always stayed that way even now. its slow but it builds up and i never get better. but i did read many times that antideppressants for people who are truly/naturally psychotic is not good for many of them. instead of causing antidepressing effects it causes a psychosis in many.

[mimi2112]

Willow: Thank you so much for sharing.. I don't believe you are off topic. I think you have a lot of valid questions. I wonder the same things you brought up... but I caution that you don't get too caught up in over-thinking the diagnoses. All these symptoms you have had, many of us have on a continuous spectrum. These symptoms come and go for a lot of us, sometimes we need help with them and other times we don't.

Like you said, you forced yourself to get out and walk your dog and get to the market. That is a great feat. I struggle with forcing myself to do these things and the self care stuff too. The problem we have is when we do have insight and appear to function so well, then the pdocs don't think there's a severe issue.

On the other hand if we tell the shrinks everything, (like how I tend to isolate and feel I am being watched at times) then they tend to change diagnoses and overmedicate.

I think if the symptoms are really bad, preventing us from living, then perhaps we do need to get help. I don't know. My suspiciousness of others prevents me from being frank and honest. I don't want another diagnoses or drug.

I am 43 yrs. old and have had to learn to deal with myself and "symptoms" and psychiatry for more than half my life. Treatment started seriously at 13. So, my perspective is very jaded and skewed as opposed to people here who are in their 20's. or new to the wonderful world of psychiatry.

Willow., it sounds to me that you are having some symptoms that are really interfering with your daily life.. I hope they get better. It is a bummer to feel surveilled and to have no privacy.

[Sometimes psychotic]

Originally Posted by WeepingWillow23

I don't know if I should reply or not. I've been lurking lately because I feel like I don't really have psychosis and so I shouldn't be posting here, but maybe I can get some feedback before I see my pdoc next week?

6 years ago I became depressed for no real reason. I went on antidepressants after hoping for 6 months that it would disappear on its own, but they never helped. 2 1/2 years later I started hearing voices that said horrible things about me. It freaked me out cos hearing voices is your typical 'crazy' symptom. After a few months, I plucked up the courage to tell my pdoc because it was distressing, but she didn't believe me so the voices continued without treatment.

6 months after telling her, I moved and changed pdocs - this time I was believed. My diagnosis became 'depression with psychotic features'. As well as the voices, I'd started to believe that there was a hole in my brain because it was rotting away, and that people can hear my thoughts if I make eye contact with them. Abilify/aripiprazole made the voices lessen, but never changed those beliefs. Without the voices, I began to fear that I'd made them up to get attention.

Last October, I told pdoc about some mood swings I'd noticed over the years that had started to become a pattern, and my diagnosis was changed to 'bipolar 2 with psychotic features'. I was started on Seroquel/quetiapine which has done nothing for the voices, though I am now on 500mg. Sometimes my depression is the worst problem, but other times the voices and/or worries I have become more prominent. Pdoc has always known about the voices, but I don't like to talk about them, and he never asks about my worries, and was never that interested if I tried to tell him. A few months ago, the voices got bad & I couldn't cope as well as I normally do. I was hearing footsteps follow me, and was paranoid about people behind me. Pdoc was surprised and started pondering a schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder diagnosis, which I wasn't happy about. I don't understand how I can have a sz/sza label if I've never had a proper psychotic episode, or been hospitalised?! Also the DSM criteria for sza has 2 weeks of psychotic symptoms without mood symptoms, which I've never had (although the ICD 10 for Europe doesn't have this). We agreed to leave it as bipolar with psychosis. My stress dissapated and so did the voices, and depression became the most prominent issue again.

Then a month or 6 weeks ago, my housemate's mother came to stay for a week. This majorly stressed me out. Though the voices are bearable, what was an occasional & vague concern about cameras and being watched at times, became a conviction that this woman had hidden cameras all over the house to spy on me. I can't shower anymore because of this and I get dressed and undressed hiding under my duvet so she won't see me undressed. The paranoia became worse about people following me, knowing my thoughts, everyone hating me etc. I still believe that my brain is rotting and that's the cause of my cognitive symptoms. And I hate watching the news because the newscasters are having a go at me for everyone who dies, because it should be me instead. I avoid the news now and have for a few years because I feel guilty for not wanting to be alive when all these nice people die everyday. But now there's a dog food advert that tells me I'm a bad owner and they're going to come and take my dog away.

I'm scared a lot of the time, and eventually confided in my Mum about my fears. She rang to arrange an earlier appointment with my pdoc, which is next Friday. All of those fears are ongoing, but I'm also worried about pdoc thinking I'm a fraud and attention seeking. I've never been hospitalised because I still have insight. My suspiciousness means I don't tell people the crazy fears I have, so no one would know unless I told them. I'm not acting abnormally, or talking weirdly. I was able to force myself to go food shopping this week & have been out walking the dog. So I'm still mostly functioning, though I've not showered in weeks or brushed my hair or teeth. So I think it's not a big deal. Right?

Anyone have chronic psychotic symptoms without clear-cut episodes? Anyone still able to sort of function? Anyone not been hospitalised? I just feel like I'm making a fuss over nothing...

I'm sorry for how long this is, and for going off topic but it's kind of related. I would be grateful for any feedback.

*Willow*

Totally fine for you to post here, completely on topic. My pdoc gave me the option of being hospitalized or not, but he said it would be faster inpatient so I chose that but we could have gone outpatient. I was however concerned about hurting someone when he asked if I would hurt myself or others. What you're describing is definitely not nothing its the same mess all of us have had to deal with. I was pretty functional even while psychotic, I was still going to work in a basic science field and getting my work done. Now I'm almost fully recovered and with luck it will stay that way. Hope you feel better soon. Don't worry about the pdoc thinking you're a fraud, nobody makes this stuff up. Oh and I was thinking about the cameras, I thought I was under surveillance as well but I convinced myself that only the girls(of my voices) were watching so I could go to the bathroom and take a bath. Still it was so strange peeing with the voices there.

[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by newtus

idk if you wer on ADs
but i heard ADs cause psychosis in some.
when i was 13 and 15 i was on antidepressants prozac and then zoloft at one time at the time. it may not have been them to make me hear voices and see things when i was that age but i know prozac made me seriously homicidal.

I have been on antidepressants. They didn't induce the psychosis but "disaster" doesn't even begin to cover what those drugs did to me. The worst part was that the stupid doctors kept prescribing different ones after I showed up at the hospital suicidal even though they always made me more suicidal and even more inclined towards self-destructive behavior than I already am. I told the doctors that those drugs were ineffectual and dangerous for me to take but of course they didn't ****ing listen. After my suicide attempt I was thankfully sent to a much better hospital and the doctors actually took me off of the antidepressants because they bothered to listen to what I had to say.

I'm still really angry about all of that. If they had just listened to me I could have avoided so much trouble.

[FireBird]

Mine started a long time ago. Difficult to remember because I was in my early teens. I had mental illness before the psychotic break. I had depression for a long, long time. My psychosis started after I got severely bullied to the point of having a breakdown. I would see the bullies and hear the bullies call me names and cuss at me at home after I got home from school. That was me hallucinating for the first time. Then it got worse. I got paranoid that the bullies were going to set my house on fire and I saw flames everywhere. I was deep into psychosis that I couldn't tell what was real and the unreal. Sometimes when I "saw" something they were really there and other times it was just a hallucination. That is the same today, sometimes they are actually there and I try to confirm the sounds or visuals with my parents and if they saw it great that means I not nuts but if they don't watch out! I also thought the bullies were going to kill me so I had nightmares. I know it almost sounds like PTSD. The docs didn't consider that because I had nearly all the symptoms of schizophrenia. It got worse as I got older. Right now (actually for nearly 6 months... starting the beginning of this year) it is my most severe psychosis according to doctors. Especially my new psychiatrist. I don't think I'm psychotic at all. But everyone else thinks so. During parts of the day I am incoherent. But that is due to stress in my mind, not psychosis. Also I see things and hear things that I believe are there. My mission is real. Everyone else thinks its a delusion. The shower talks to me but its not the shower itself its a speaker placed by the government to talk to me, scare me sometimes other times make me laugh. When I took a shower last, it said "tiny little lizards are coming!" I thought it was funny rather than scary for some reason. There have been increased government patrols over our house using helicopters with the search light on.

Mary & Sometimes, you are both very kind. Thank you both so much

I just get so confused about whether this stuff is real or not. I've always struggled opening up to people, and then this suspiciousness and the fact that I've been dismissed before makes me even more nervous about reaching out for help.

And then I minimise everything and think it's not really that bad; other people have it so much worse than me...

And I'm getting a bit dubious about whether medication will help me. Abilify/aripiprazole eased the voices but not the worries. I couldn't handle respiradone/Risperdal, and I've been on Seroquel/quetiapine and it's doing nothing other than making me hungry. I really think I need therapy, but pdoc says there isn't any for me on the NHS. I'm on benefits so I don't think I can afford to go private, but I'm getting so desperate that I was looking at therapists online, but none of them say they can handle psychosis and they're all so expensive...IDK. Sometimes I get so helpless about it all

Oh and Newtus & Atypical: certain antidepressants made me really suicidal and agitated too. Prozac/fluoxetine was one of those. I read recently that Prozac & Effexor/venlafaxine can cause akathisia, like you can get on antipsychotics, which may have been what happened to me, or they triggered a mixed episode; still not really sure.

*Willow*

[newtus]

@atypicaldisaster

yes they can also cause suicidal thinking and actions. prozac has been known too to cause homicidal actions too.

@weepingwillow

yes most therapists dont delve into psychosis. if they do they are prob a psychologist which are more expensive. therapists usually fit in the mold - meaning they deal with stereotypical issues meaning stuff everyone will deal with at least 1nce in their life - like depression/anxiety and stuff like marital issues or problems with alcohol/smoking stuff like those are the most popular reasons peopls see therapists.

[maxny]

Started hearing voices at 20, 10 yrs ago. I told a therapist after a few months, ut no one else for 6 yrs or so. Meds didn't help. Functioned off and on for a while, then had a bad couple years recently. Diagnosed Depression w/ Psychosis.

I might never have told anyone else abt the voices, but the depression and drinking led to hospitals last year, and eventually I just unburdened myself and let the Dr's and my family know.

Meds still don't help w/ the voices much. They're useful to me just in acute situations, short term. The short and long term negative side effects of neuroleptics/antipsychotics are just too severe for me to consider being on them for longer than a couple months, and then only at low dosage, like 100 or 200mg seroquel or equivalent.

I was just hospitalized after a drinking binge activated my depression, so I'm on zyprexa 10mg now. Had to fight them against raising it higher, but it was giving me bad achathysia, as they usu do.

I meet with my Doc again Thurs, and I'll ask to go off the zyprexa. All I really need is the antidepressant.

Sent from Winterfell using a Raven