I just want to be left alone.

I feel like I've been saying that all my life, "just leave me alone!"

but nobody ever does leave me alone.

It sucks because I want to be close to people and have meaningful relationships but most people are stupid and even if they're not.. they don't understand me or our personalities just clash. So what's the point, really?

Easier to just stay by myself. Except I can't tolerate being alone.

But I don't know how to not be alone sometimes. I don't know if that makes any sense. Like, I can't be alone but being around people... it's like it almost physically hurts most of the time. But when I'm alone that almost physically hurts too.

It feels like I'm in an impossible situation, all the ****ing time.

I don't know what I'm trying to say. My thoughts are chaos and I feel misunderstood and like everyone hates me and is laughing at me. >_<

i just told a friend this same exact thing..... i am lonely but i hate people. some i tolerate....certain clerks at the store for example. i do have friends, but they are far away, so i am by myself a lot.--- too much i think. some people get on my nerves to the point that i stop interacting with them altogether. a certain postal worker got under my skin yesterday. i will never deal with her again. i'd rather not get my mail.

i know what you mean Atypical, about feeling misunderstood. I have felt that all my life and i get exhausted trying to explain myself.

I get this. I never want company until I'm alone for a little while, then I get lonely. But if I seek out people, I grow frustrated with them quickly and long for solitude. Even when I'm engaged in a solo activity I feel better with other people in the room, but sparks fly if they interrupt me.
It's worse when I'm feeling paranoid. Then I want to avoid people because they might be spying on me, but if I'm not around I worry that they'll talk about me.

Maybe this isn't what you're looking for but do you have a pet? I know I relate to animals much more than other people. It keeps me from getting lonely.
It has taken me years to learn how to interact with others and based on recent clashes in the forum I'd say I'm still learning. But IRL people used to make me sick when I was around them. Back when I was in high school I actually got called down to the counselors office because I would not say hello to people. So it was a long time ago for me but I just wanted to say that you can change if you want to although there is no need to.

Sometimes: that's just it... I have spent years working on skills to better communicate with people, but so often am misunderstood. Like in the forums, people in real life mistake a tone of voice or facial expression. Aside from getting botox injections there is not much I can do. They will misinterpret my voice or expression and make me into a monster.

I have a pet and he is my best friend. He is my angel and my true love. He doesn't care if I look strange or if my voice is weird. I highly recommend pets. I am not sure
they take away the need for some human contact, but they help.

PS. My dog just tore up another shoe as I wrote this. I am not upset. I can accept that he is a dog and that is what he does. What if I could totally accept people like that?

I was always afraid of being alone, and I always wanted to have friends by me no matter.

But, then I hated being around other people at the same time too. It grew on me, and I didn't want to have anyone by my side anymore.

Somehow, I always have someone there for me, regaurdless of wanting them to be there or not.

Now, things are different. I don't want anyone to come close to, or save me.

I don't want to be saved, I will be fine on my own!

I've had my share of friendships and other relationships with humanity, but I think it is time to put an end to that. I am done with them.

I shall forever devote my love and affection towards cats, whom I have bonds with.