Could this be psychosis?

For 6 months ive been obsessing about solipsism; what if nothing is real, what if my mind created everything. Sounds crazy I know. But it wont stop. Has anyone had this terribly bad and made it through? Is there hope that one day this will be behind me? This is really my first bout with mental issues, so I don't know how much I should hope. Is it normal to have some level of insight? Its like I know theres a problem with me, that the thoughts aren't true, but I just cant convince myself...hard to explain. I just want to feel like I have my family back.... Ill be seeing a pdoc soon, but im just interested if this sounds like it could be something more than just anxiety..

Probably not. Still if it is psychosis then it's true that your mind might have created everything. From my perspective my mind did create certain things and I can't always differentiate them from reality. So far as I'm concerned the brain has created this entire world it may be entirely different than reality...but to that I say so what....it's still the only world I have to live in....while I was sick I thought I might be a part of the matrix and taking whatever pill the hospital gave me was the only way out. Good that you're seeing a pdoc but don't expect an on the spot diagnosis they tend to be a bit reserved when it comes to that.

I think it reminds me a bit like you have dissociation. It's what i had out of the blue a few days ago. like your watching a movie type thing? If not, my brother had this. I think its normal I can't really tell.

dissociation definitely isnt normal if its ongoing.

i have it often. but it happens a lot.

I also have disossication quite a bit. Almost every day at least 1 time but often more. I hate it when it happens, because it just makes me feel off balance.

I say track your thoughts/feelings on it so you can show the pdoc.

I cant take these thoughts forever, they're tearing me up! My parents, I love them so much, but they feel like strangers now when I question if they are real. Why wont this go away...im so afraid the pdoc wont be able to do anything, and I cant take it much longer.

You'll be OK---the pdoc will give you some meds---thats what pdocs do, trust me you won't walk out of there without a script for something. I just meant they often take time to tell you what your diagnosis is. They don't like to do that for some reason, but meds yeah you'll probably be getting at least one. Hopefully it will help.

I think they take their time on diagnosing because since there are no blood tests or anything they have to observe you for a while. I think a doc who gives you a dx on the first visit is not a good doc, and anyone could walk in and say whatever and they will get meds for no reason.

A good doctor will take time and get to know you and try to see the variation in your behavior over time. Besides all those quesntion tests they give us, that's the only way to figure out what's up.

Im afraid if it isn't something actually 'wrong' and its just me somehow, that ill have to live with it.

Oh I got meds on visit one along with packing a suitcase to the hospital---but it was pretty obvious I was sick---I told the guy that I was mother nature among other things. And nobody fakes it for the antipsychotics.

Well the other option is therapy---you can deal with some pretty lousy stuff that way.

One thing I've learned is the more you obsess about it the worse it becomes. There are a lot of things that are very common and really only signify small things. Disossiation (the feeling of beign un-real,) is extremely common and is very common in anxiety, depression, bipolar, schizophrenia, and disossiative disorder, but also many other things.

Panicking will only make you feel like you're going crazy.

It amazes me because telling everyone the magical people were after me for five years got me nothing. It's just interesting how things go differently from one person to the next.

I've heard of people faking psychosis before. It's like anything.... there is that random group of people who think if it will get them attention, they'll do it... I think they are the crazy ones, you how do you medicate for that? LOL Just load them up with sugar pills.

Well my boss is an MD not a psych though and she went through the chief of medicine to get me a next day appointment with the head of inpatient care so I admit that strings were pulled for me. They kind of knew I was really sick going into the appointment. Plus the night before they had given me a head scan and run every drug test known to man. Cant' believe it took five years for you.

You're right I shouldn't say nobody but those fakers deserve the antipsychotics and all their lovely side effects.

Well, im hoping meds can help me stop obsessing, its like I cant. Its stuck on my mind constantly and im constantly afraid.

The more you talk about this the more I'm thinking delusion----there are a few things it could be. Try not to worry just be as honest as possible with the pdoc and they will try to help you.

If it was a delusion, can those be helped too?

Yes---the antipsychotics will work for some people's delusions----we've all had varying results with meds on this forum so other people might tell you differently. Delusions are really hard to tell from reality and just thinking through it doesn't seem to help. It might take a while for the meds to kick in so don't give up. You'll be OK.

antipsychotics never helped my paranoia and past delusions.

Oh, the delusion went away after 5 years. I didn't get into any treatment for another 2-3 years after it stopped (I can't say exactly when it stopped since I don't remember that.) And I was in treatment (saw pdoc 1 time, psychologist 3 times,) for less than 3 months. Was on Lamictle 2 weeks had a bad reaction, refused Risperidol because my mother-in-law had been on it and my husband didn't think it was safe. Went on Lithium instead, was on it for about a month, forgot to take it for almost 6 months. Was on it for a month, forgot to take it for 4 months. Was on it for a month, stopped taking it on purpose. That was 2009-2010 (Spring.) Then was on Lithium for 1 month again last November, but started forgetting to take it again and gave up.

Also, in 2006 I was Abilify for 2 weeks, but I had 0 diagnosis at that time. That's the extent of my treatment.

Hopefully it will help, I know it might take quite a few tries to find the right med. And dark heart you made me feel better knowing that even a long lasting delusion can eventually go away.

I just want to let you know I have no idea why it went away.

I also want to let you know I had absolutely 0 idea it was a delusion when it was happening. None at all. The only reason I even know about it is that after it was over I was confronted with the initial trigger. But, for whatever reason, instead I was able to look at it and realize it was a delusion at that time.

So, that's the other thing I want to tell you. Major delusions are unrecognizable from absolute reality, which makes it less likely that what you're having is a delusion. It sounds more like disassociation which is not a delusion.

Whatever it is I just hope it isn't permanent, its very scary to think about thinking this way for the rest of my life.

In my experience it comes and goes. Everyone is different, though. Also in my experience it's just a symptom that goes along with whatever else is happening. So, the more manic I am the more I disassociate, I've realized. It happens less when I'm more depressed.

But, I do remember when I was a junior in high school I had lifted out of the very long depression I was in, and I was walking home from school. The world around me was so colorful. I remember looking up and realizing trees had branches and leaves and being able to see them. Before the world had just been a muted backdrop. Suddenly it was in full life color. It was amazing and breath-taking, and I remember it perfectly today and how amazing it felt. And that was like 17 years ago.

Otulissa: This was my very first real, giant, scary obsession. I still spar with it on occasion... But a combination of meditation & learning how to cope with my anxiety truly lessened it. And I actually feel at peace with the uncertainty of whether the world is in my head or not. If it is, it doesn't make it any less real, because everything I experience is very real. Hopefully the medication(s) will alleviate your anxiety & hopefully you will see a therapist because they may help you deal with these thoughts. In a much quicker manner than by yourself.