[newtus]

THIS is the same person all in a short time span

remember i said this woman had sz and was homeless and all that?

i said in roll call

"ive been watching this Sz womans videos on youtube. she makes like 5-7 a day. she looks so completely miserable and its just so so so sad. i see so much of myself in her and my potential to be where she is in the future. and each video is so long.

she has a few videos of her in her 30s and then most in her 40s and she looks completely different. you can see the homelessness and stress shes documented changed her to someone very frail physically and emotionally/mentally. she talks about dealing with her mother who is severely schizophrenic and has fought with her in the background before. she talks about her mentally ill exboyfriend that sexually and verbally abused her. and almost all her videos are about wanting to be loved."

[mimi2112]

Thanks Newtus. Watching these links that you post has given me a lot of insight and a kind of gratitude, too.

I have to catch myself from really obsessing and watching a lot of these, but generally I am glad that these self documentaries exist, so it gets the info out into the public.

One I watched on youtube was the brother filming his sz brother. One sz brother asked to be filmed when he was not well. That way I guess he could have some awareness about how sick he could get.

Sometimes it makes me so sad that this illness is so devastating.

[newtus]

i have a few videos on youtube

quite embarrasing

[faerie_moon_x]

This woman's picture reminds me of my mother-in-law a great deal. I met her when she was 42. She was still doing fairly okay at that time. She used to do her hair and change her clothes regularly, etc. Her hair was beautiful, natural spiral curles, which she dyed blond.

Within the first 2 years I knew her, she declined rapidly. She stopped brushing her hair, bathing, etc. That was the first time her hair became to the point we had to start cutting it out to get the matts out. Since then she has continued to decline. In fact, she had to go to court when her ex husband divorced her. She showed the judge a picture of herself when he first abandoned her after she became disabled, (which was a few years before I met her,) compared to herself at that time. It was part of the reason the judge sentanced her ex abandonment.

Even farther back, the pictures of her as a young woman she was a fully put together young professional. She ran the entire department of home health care at the hospital she worked at, (she was a high school drop-out who ended up a success story, very motivational.) Now it's an impressive thing to get her to go the grocery store. And she has 0 confidance any more.

[mimi2112]

it reminds me of my Granny who was drop-dead gorgeous when young. She was a successful operating room nurse and the life of the party socially. Something went very wrong at some point in her mid to late 30's. Same with me. Same with my mom. Now I look entirely different. It's like the terror in my mind has manifested in my appearance. No matter how dolled up I get, there seems to be an indelible expression/look about me that says, " nuts. rough life. ridden hard and put away wet."

[newtus]

i read if anything goes wrong with a woman completely its at least by her 30s