Roll Call Eight

oh yup
im hearing voices alright

they say you know what was voices and what wasnt by what wasnt there when the meds were working.
i hear tons of voices apparently.
i litterally wonder how im functional with them. but i noticed that i am functional even in the throes of physical pain. so im slightly odd with that.
but im SO much more energy ridden without meds and NOT hungry. eating like 1/5 of what i did yesterday. so much more ready to explore the day!!!@!

Costello: That is *exactly* the way I imagine how our life energy, or soul if you will, gets recycled. I tell people that ask that I believe in recycling - our body molecules get recycled and so does our energy. The ocean is a good metaphor for it.

Since we're all confessing about stopping our meds, I'll add mine: I'm Willow and I'm day 3 off both my antipsychotics...It's complicated but nothing most of you haven't heard the last time I stopped them :/

*Willow*

They aren't watching me through the trees anymore.

They ARE the trees. They've changed themselves into trees so they can spy on me.

There's so many ways they can watch you. The trees. Windows. Mirrors. TVs. They're watching me now through the camera on my phone.

That's amazing. That's what I always think too. That same analogy to the body being recycled.

i miss when costello used to like my posts. where is she nowadays? and how is she doing? with her chickies n all?

I am pretty distracted with my birds. I just told my son I had to hang up (which I never do), because I had to get my electric fence working. Trying to do it with one hand wasn't working (the other hand holding the phone), and I gave myself a shock.

I think it's working now.

The bird with the broken leg is still alive and looks alert, but she's not eating much, and she's sitting in the nesting box all day.

I can't sleep. I sleep in half hour spurts. I'm worried. Insomnia. They're watching me all the time. Part of me wants to take my meds again so I can at least sleep but the pills are poison and destroy who I am. I just can't. I don't want to be blinded from the truth anymore.

i cant sleep well either. i shove lots of xanax down my throat to sleep. xanax is poison. its total god. so i feel you lalalabp.

on the other. i turned 23 today.
happy birthday to me.

i feel you.

i miss you too. you know tthat right?

I don't have Xanax. I don't have anything fun to take except alcohol. I was bad before and had fun things... But I'm being sheltered and smothered and protected from fun and sharp objects now...

Happy birthday! I hope you have a nice day.

thank you!

i drink. but have none with me. i made the mistake of drinking alcohol with xanax. good thing it wasnt enough to do damage. now i just drink four loko and gin.

Happy Birthday Newtus!

I feel evil. I feel like I'm going to do something bad. With a smile on my face...

thanks MIMI

Happy Birthday newtus, I hope you're having a good day.

Happy birthday newtus x

thank you!!!
i got some gifts and a handmade cake.
grumpy cat calender and book. and "how to tell if your cat is plotting to kill you" book. and some other things. a piñata.

Happy B-day Newtus!

Happy b-day, newtus!

wow sounds lovely

HaPpY BiRtHdAy NeWtUs!!!

Glad you had a good day

*Willow*

thank you all for the well wishes.

guess i had no other choices.
as today i started on haldol injections...
for being noncompliant...

that bums me out to no end.
i tried so hard to avoid those.
pretty hard yes. even though i didnt always take the meds.

my doc was surprised they put me on 6 meds.
he said "idk how if your noncompliant why they put you on more meds than last time"

cuz you know if i ask to go off them or i miss an appt with the nurse they are gonnna send me to the hospital or come send someone to check on me so

so
my life is pretty much over.

I can't trust anyone I can't trust anyone spies government demons poison trees moon creatures cats microbots hair dye nail polish cyborg synthetics I don't know anymore.

its also the end of my knowing the truth.
completely end.