Roll Call Twelve

medicalfox: I'm so sorry about your kitty. Can you get her into a vet clinic? I know how important pets can be, and I hope you find the right answer. Take care of yourself during this hard time.

yea i heard she wanted to goto fashion school.

she had a rough time...setting herself on fire. idk about how much of it was acting out or pure mental illness? prob all mental illness...she set herself on fire. they said she was speaking incoherently. i hope she can make it at fashion school is what im saying. im suspecting her to have a relapse.

Never never never never never thought I'd be here today. Hear a voice, a choice of words to be indicted with over again then again found my twin hatred of lives and fines. Lines have intersected. Like string, in a ball. A ball of string. Waiting for me. Destroying me with the daggers in the sky. I'm concerned and unnerved. What's going on? Who knows? There's no words for what I am. Am only. My only. Taking up timeless time and hatred of the lines! No one understands me. This isn't poetic. I'm having a hard time. Time time time time time time time time. Do you eat eggs? What's the point of pointless points? Complexities arising. Arise and be. Be. Honey bees and tress and pleas for my freedom from the lines destroying me.

My nurse said hospital would be the safest place for me to be.
The police can't take me out, so I can't get shot by sleeper cells.

I find out tomorrow anyway.

Same here Kurhea.
Im glad you are being an advocate for yourself and if you feel the hospital is the right place to be then by all means go.

You will feel better I think.

but why does she want you in the hospital KUREHA?

im thinking back to all my suicide attemtps i made.

and i always see people say "if u really wanted to have died u would have"

i failed them obviously.
mostly because i didnt know how to do it right. a couple times i took pills just a lot of pills. i thought i was doing it right but i didnt.

i feel embarassed to have those few attempts under my belt. like ima failure cus i did it wrogg or didnt succeed.

i wish i had some alcohol to drown away these thoughts but i dont. but i got xaanax

i wish i had succeeded. i really do.

Hello to everyone. I am having a difficulty in my mind. I feel I am outwardly coping adequately, which is what counts, I suppose.
I hate this cold weather. Is anyone someplace warm? Do you like it there? The plus side of cold weather is the pets being extra cuddly.
Hope all are safe and will have better days tomorrow.

Newtus - she still thinks I'm going to hurt someone by accident - so she is probably thinking of that as well.

ooh i see KUREHA

ice. sleet. snow build up here.
power went out
fa-reeeezing

that reminds me
i need to sleep wth knife under my bed
or better yet a gun by my pillow

Why does that remind you of that?

Didn't go to the hospital, got some meds to sleep and for anxiety.
Coming to see me tomorrow, still don't feel safe.

Obviously they don't believe me - just give me more drugs.

because KUREHA and protecting myself too

i dont think my dad will let me borrow one of his guns

It's cold outside, therefore I am cold. Bolded print. Nothing about sin, take away then. I am the creator and destroyer of worlds. End it there. Taking me anywhere.

Atypical

I don't think sleeping with a gun or a knife is a good idea Newtus. They scare me so I wouldn't feel safe with them. Sorry you feel scared

Sorry you didn't get to go to the hospital Kureha

Sorry you're not feeling good Gr3tta Hope things improve soon. Cuddly pets are good, but sometimes I'd like to live somewhere warm.

I went into town today with my family. I was nervous about it being busy with Christmas shoppers, but was told it was quiet (we met my Mum who was already in town shopping). It was not what I'd consider quiet so that was anxiety-inducing. At one point this group of men were stood against the glass wall I was sat next to (on the other side), and people behind me really freaks me out :/ Even though there was glass between us, it still felt like they were right behind me - yuck! I just worry that random strangers are going to hurt me, for some unknown reason *sigh*

Hugs to all that need them

*Willow*

Lately I have been working on a really tough assignment that involves the design of a psychological experiment. Wow, I did not think it would make my head hurt. It was due at 1 pm today and it is still not complete.

Controlling for extraneous variables is very hard. Confounds, confounds and more confounds.

I am in Canada. Brrrrrr.

that sounds interesting didgee

are u allowed to tell us more about this psychological experiment?

i couldnt help but notice a peice in the dallas newspaper about a marine who was hospitalized for a suicide attempt and he said he passed time with people in the hospital by "making fun of the schizophrenics and people drooling on themselves"...

The effect mood has on helping behaviors.

Oh, I thought something about freezing rain made you think of sleeping with guns.

I agree with WeepingWillow. The gun or knife idea is a poor one. I sleep with a Great Dane. She'd warn me if someone were coming. She looks scary enough to discourage a lot of people. And she even helps me deal with the cold.

I've been thinking about this too. I'm raising this batch of chicks. My fifth and largest batch so far. Ten chicks. And I've mixed buttermilk with their feed, and I swear they're growing faster than any of the previous batches. So, I'm thinking next time I'll split the group in two - feed one group buttermilk and the other, not. Like you say, though, confounding factors.

Btw, I got the idea for buttermilk from this old 1925 article about using buttermilk to treat coccidiosis. They mention in passing that the buttermilk makes them grow faster. So, I bought some buttermilk and started giving it to them. They love it. But I found out that what we call buttermilk now isn't what they called buttermilk in 1925. Live and learn.

Personally I'm holding Canada responsible for the cold air here in Kansas. This is definitely Canadian air.

Charming. The few. The proud.

This morning I walked to school in -36 degrees C. When I take my glove of here, death just starts to take over my hand.