Roll Call 16

ive been hearing a lot of things lately. voices in the vents. a dog barking. voices coming out of the walls. stuff like that. idk what its from. but it scary. and ive been having nightmares.

Newtus I'm very sorry you have been going through all of that. I've been having some nightmares too along with some other issues. I'm feeling very emotionally drained and extremely depressed. So I can totally relate to what you're going through. I hope it gets better for you soon!

sorry to hear that CrackingSlowly

yea idk what its from. ive been under a lot of stress with my dad being gone and me being home alone all day. i get scared. and i worry about him. and i get paranoid about my surroundings. also havent sleeping well in the past few days becuz my xanax is out. and like i had said they are taking so long to put in a refill for it.

i actually feel really messed up these past two days or so.

I feel your pain I'm right there with you

Sorry you feel bad Newtus & Cracking

I went to see my Mum again in hospital today with my Dad. I probably shouldn't go again for a few days though. She's still moaning about everything and it's winding me up, then I'm getting annoyed with myself for being such a *****. And she keeps getting cross with me when I correct her...basically we're annoying each other! She said about not wanting her friend to visit, that she wasn't well enough to listen to someone else's problems right now...maybe that's why she's annoying me so much lately?! Cos I'm trying to keep it all in and under control, and so I just can't deal with her stuff on top which is making me get cross with her moaning when I can normally be more empathetic...idk but maybe? She fell over this morning; they're on about giving her a Zimmer frame, she's not yet 50!!! So I know she's not right, but I also can't seem to summon up the energy to be nice and sympathetic eg she wanted me to look at her bruise from her fall, but I was thinking why on earth do I want to look at a bruise?! And then have to make a big effort to seem sympathetic about it!? I'm such a horrible person!

*Willow*

im sorry willow.

whats a zimmer frame? will it help her?

you know you dont have to keep it all in. i mean you can talk here. but dont stress yourself out by keeping it all in. i know you cant talk to your mom right now or for awhile but you know what i mean?

WeepingWillow: Thanks so much for your hug! I really appreciate it. You are NOT a terrible person. It is hard to deal with another person's issues when you are going through issues of your own. Please don't be so hard on yourself. I hope your Mum feels better very soon

Zimmer Frame Walker

thanks for that crackingslowly

Thanks guys!

It's stressful right now. Some woman I've never met before from the CMHT rang the house and left a message for me to ring her. Well that's not going to happen because I only speak to my parents on the phone!! But it's gotten me worried - what does she want?? My Dad has agreed to ring her tomorrow to find out. I'm scared though because I don't know who I can trust or if they'll be mean to me and treat me like crap like the hospital staff. Just scared

*Willow*

I feel your pain WW

Ive been having a lot of lack of motivation still. Even when the meds are wearing off. I dont know if like Sometimes said - if its cause the weather. but anyway i think ive been getting headaches from being in bed too much too. i havent been sleeping well but i still lay in bed.

Newtus!

I think Bean may be going downhill again....She is being teased at school and made fun of which is normal for middle school. The school handles these things very well but the sad thing is that now that she is on thorazine, she can think more clearly and now realizes when she is being teased and picked on.
She has 2 autistic friends and they are all fighting with each other and none of them have the skills to talk their problems out and the guidance counselor has been out sick all week so they cant handle their problem with eachother very well.
She has been allowed to be on the basketball team even with failing grades because she wants to so bad and its good excercise. Problem is, only one girl will talk to her. The rest are cruel.
I see it in her eyes when she comes home from school. She is suffering. She is trying to do the best she can and ignore it but school is nothing more than a battle zone for her right now. She used to not realize kids were teasing her. Now she does and its horrible.
This is a small school by the way. 500 kids k-12.

She calls me at home at least 4 times a day just to connect with 'home' I think.
We keep home stress free but I'm so scared the stress at school is going to send her back into psychosis.
Im not one of those moms who goes to school screaming at teachers and kids. I usually try to give her advice to be kind and ignore them or give her some of my horror stories from middle school. She gets mad at me for that.
She is starting to see things again and thinks she has all these different diseases that she needs to be taken to the emergency room, word salad is bad......a little help here from my experts? here

My only advice as far as jr high is just to survive and think of the future which will get better....the fact that she has friends at all is better than I was at that age....I actually stopped speaking entirely for like 3 years except with my family or when a teacher directly asked a question...I didn't even have psychosis then. I was just socially awkward...

Visuals...I had no idea I was even having them until one broke when I got distracted so I don't have great control mechanisms other than distraction and input of interesting stimuli they were also infrequent for me...with delusions if you understand it's a delusion then it's not a delusion anymore...they are almost impossible to think through on your own because the rules change to fit the delusion...if it defies the laws of physics then we must be in an alternate reality..they can be challenged but I really think someone else has to just ask probing logic questions without judgement of any kind but this shouldn't be overbearing or too challenging more like genuine interest in the idea and I never had word salad so I have no idea how to deal with that one...anyway all three of those are harder than the auditory in my opinion...as far as the ER yeah I did that twice...I just went to the ER though because there was no one to help me through...some of the things though you can really feel like I thought I was having a heart attack...my brain created a tactile hallucination...like an electrical shock that it thought fit the criteria for heart attack...having a blood pressure reading or some basic blood work done at a normal doc may reassure her and the results can be pulled out for the next time...

Just be the great mom that you are and eventually time will pass and as she grows older people will actually come to appreciate diversity...

greetings friends.

hello Erti!

Hey Newtus! How are you this very early hour of the morning?

Finally finished my math homework which is a great relief. I'm feeling pretty great and taking it easy at work.

i was up more last night than the night before :/

i felt something touch my leg last night and i thought it was a ghost.

im gonna try and smoke less today and see how that goes too. see if i cant cut back and start quitting.

That's good

You get any sleep?

That's good you're trying to quit smoking. My stepdad quit when he found out he had cancer. Says the craving never goes away.

Costello:

i barely got any. i got maybe a few hours.

and yea. its just really really really hard. but its good if you can stop. its healthier. a better choice.

My sleep schedule has been screwy as well. I went to an anime convention last weekend. Now I'm sleeping all day and staying up all night. The weekend was fun though. Spent it taking jello shots and at the rave. Was up all day going to panels. Was an awesome weekend.

Yeah, stop smoking is also cost effective. Save the money you get from smoking and save it for something special.