Roll Call 16

thank you
that makes me feel better slightly but i do still worry.

my bossy nurse kept telling me "i just want to see you well". but idk how much she meant that.

ive learned my depression (i hate calling it that) or SADNESS has always been situational. or for the most part. i was severely depressed in my teens. but i realized in my 20s after i became psychotic with no depression that it was because i depressed cuz i was bullied in high school.

then i got depressed in my 20s because i had no friends and nothing to do. still am like that. but its so situational. but i seem to not be happy with things. with what i have.

i just wish i had friends.

if i relapse will you guys be there to support me still?

I'm not going anywhere, I like you and want to support you whether you're psychotic or not.

thank you. you guys right now are the only support system i have besides my dad. but he can only do so much since hes just my dad.

I wonder if your sadness had something to do with the doc saying you have schozoaffective instead of paranoid sz?
I dont know. Just making conversation....

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I'll be where ever you need me to be. I don't talk much and don't give good advice but if you need to talk I'll be there.

hm? no? no it doesnt. he told me i seem like i have more than just schizoaffective like i have paranoid sz but he never put it down. he could be lying to me too. but anyway ive already been diagnosed as having chronic paranoid sschizophrenia by another pdoc. last year. i know its a fact now after ive been through everything that i have schizophrenia to some degree. now whether theres a mood component idk. because i think my sadness is situational.

thank you Erti!

Of coures dahhhling.
U know we are all here for eachother.

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You do the same for me?

Yea. Thats what I thought.
What I meant was, you said your sadneas is situational.
So maybe that day you were sad and the doc decided you were schizoeffective. Sorry to confuse you. Sometimes my wording comes out all wrong. I do that a lot by accident.

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i actually made the mistake of giving him forms from my hospitalizations that said i had schizoaffective. i thought thats what i was supposed to do but its ok.

Well this is what you want but you can't take 5mg on top of the shot....so get the prescription filled and just keep it until the shot starts wearing off...then start taking it...you want to use the fresh stuff anyway...you'll just have a little more than you need.

yea thats what i plan on doing

Don't you need the Xanax to sleep?im all for you getting off but it took my cousin a full two years to get off that stuff....there is like actual withdrawal like as if you were taking heroine or something...if she can't taper you down it could be a problem...

Well of course.....

i do need xanax to sleep. last time i saw her she wouldnt prescribe me xanax. so idk. i realize theres an actual withdrawal. thats why i plan on bringing in at least my xanax bottle. i thought about bringing in both my haldol bottle and xanax bottle. both emptied. cause if i just SAY i was on xanax she might not believe me since some doctors wont prescribe that.

Well some docs will prescribe it long enough to get you off if you were prescribed by someone else...hopefully she's one of those....or maybe she'll switch you to ambien for the sleep or something...

i have this feeling she will switch me to ambien.

anyway god i hope im making the right decision by doing all this i feel shaky

i just wanted to share with yall i put new gauges in my ears 6g. it hurt putting the metal through my 8g small earlobes.

Newtus I'll always be here to comfort and support you any way I can

thanks crackingslowly. i really appreciate that. i really really really do.

I LOVE this!
Jealous..just sayin...lol

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Just wanted you all to know how much u mean to me. Being here with friends has changed my life. You are all awesome.

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im burning incense to rid off demons