Roll Call 19

thanks sunshine1995

and im sorry for running away everyone from me and not posting after me. im just scared of the medicine.

i mean kill my personality. my emotions. my visions. i see great things. my not being able to gain energy. kill who i am.

OK...that I understand but I wish you would taper more slowly...we went 6 weeks between each quarter dose reduction so I wouldn't relapse when I got off...I mean I know you have some psychosis now (perhaps even a lot)but I don't think this is a full break for you(correct me if I'm wrong)..I'm worried about it getting much worse if you go off abruptly.

I agree with willows assessment though that they'll put you back on injection if you get too far gone so you have to be very careful not to make things worse.

I really liked what cracking said about not giving up what you want most for what you want now...

You didn't run me away Newtus! I was driving my girls to the mall earlier. I dropped them off and ran a couple of errands. I'm sorry if me not posting after you made you think that.

Newtus, this is how my paranoia is. I haven't taken the garbage out or left my apt in over a week bc I think everyone thinks I'm crazy and knows I have bipolar. I'm particularly worried what my neighbors think. I know rationally that the worst they may think is that I'm a recluse, but oh well. Once I get out I feel better. I live alone and its hard. Ur lucky to have ur dad. Both of my parents have passed. I was very close to my mom and its been really hard without her.

About the weight gain, have u tried latuda? I was gaining hella weight on risperdal and seroquel but with the latuda I've actually lost some. I had to go through a lot of aps until I found the right one. The latuda really helps with the depression too. Just a thought.

Woohoo! That's great news!

Glad things have eased up Sunshine

I appreciate what you're saying, but full-blown psychosis also kills your personality. You've said that you can't capitalise on your creativity when you're too sick. What I'm saying is that you need to be actively involved in finding a balance that you're happy with. I truly believe that you can find a med/dose where you have the energy to be creative and achieve the things you want without the bad effects. It's about finding a balance: enough meds to help you focus without voices/paranoia, but not too much to zonk you out and dull your creativity.

The only way I can see this balance occurring though is if you are an active participant in your treatment and that requires compliance and trust. If you take a little bit of meds, like you're on now, then your pdoc will listen to your concerns about side effects and adjust/change accordingly. If you put your foot down and refuse to take anything, then very soon you will get forced treatment and have no say in your treatment, and I know you don't really want that

*Willow*

this is almost a full break for me. signs here there come and then comes the full break. im almost there.

ill try to take my meds as prescribed.

Newtus, I have the same issue you do. I don't want to take my meds either. In fact, not long ago, I completely went off them and I paid for my mistake. It was horrid.

Take your meds even though you don't want to. The alternative sucks.

You didnt run me off Newtus! Were here for you.

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i understand. thanks RRex

thanks cracking and punky

The haldol helped. Thank ****. I hate schizophrenia. I had to take a nap because the haldol obviously made me a bit sleepy lol, but I think I needed the rest. I've been so stressed out lately.

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Well I finally showered and ate. I've lost 5 more lbs, yay! Now to get the garbage out....I'm gonna wait until later tonight when nobody is around. Still having some paranoia...

Sleep schedule is all screwed up. Need to get back on track.

Thx everyone for the support.

I just finished watching the movie 12 Years A Slave! That movie made me cry more than once! So very sad!

It's good though. I just finished watching valkerie. Was good saw it in the theater with my son too. I'm obsessed with studying slavery and the holocaust. I'm a believer that the more we know how those things happened, the more we can hopefully prevent it from happening again.

Gonna be a long night for me. Stay up til like 5am. I might try staying up all night to change my sleeping schedule. Idk, hope everyone is doing ok.

Yes you are right, it was a very good movie. I just really bothers me that it was a true story and those things really happened. So very sad!
I just started the movie The Hunger Games- Catching Fire. The first one made me angry. My daughter said this one would do the same.
I love staying up late watching movies. I have to be careful though or else I will get my sleep schedule messed up too. This is my Spring Break week so no tight schedules to keep. That's when my sleep gets out of whack.

Me too. I don't have anything going on. Just finished with really intense therapy. So now I don't have anything to get out for. I will be seeing a case manager though so I can continue seeing the psych nurse. And my old therapist told me that I might be able to join some groups for bipolar and PTSD. I'm hoping something comes of it.

I haven't seen catching fire yet. It's sickening what all has happened to ppl in this world. But I try and remember that there are ppl that are trying for justice. I've had it hard but nothing compared to a holocaust survivor. I won't get into the race thing bc too controversial....but I'm half Spanish and half Caucasian. Very proud of my Hispanic side.

I might watch 12 yrs a slave again. It's gonna be a long night now that I'm not sleeping and I'm actually up. Now I've gotta work on the sleep schedule...ugh

hows everyone?

Better today.

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im glad. hows ur voices?

Not too sure. I'll found out later. I have my nights and day's switched around. lol it's almost "bedtime" for me.

I have an Ambien hangover. Great day for Daylight Saving Time.

i like ambien

I do too. I just don't like the hangover I get. I hear some people don't get it. Do you?

How are you doing Newtus?