Roll Call 19

pros taking the medicine

pros:
little voices
medicine doesnt help paranoia
not going to hospital

cons:
massive voices
lots paranoia
disorganized speech
hospital
police

Newtus did you take your pills this morning?

but also pros not taking the meds is weight loss. energy back. getting up early and doing what i want to do instead of laying around tired.

i only took my AntiDepressant (AD)

Maybe once it gets leveled out in your system it will be better and you won't be so tired.

they said that about the injection and it never did i had been taking that injection for 7-8 months.

Yeah but this is less and in pill form. It might level out IF you take it like you're suppose to.

hopefully you know. not like im willing to try it out but maybe.

Newtus you should do a two week trial with yourself. Take all your medicines like you're suppose to at the same time everyday. Just try it for two weeks and see how you feel. See if it levels out or not. What do you think?

i think thats a long time. im trying to harness my psychosis into something i can use.

It's totally up to you. I'm just trying to make helpful suggestions. If two weeks is too long then try it for a week. And don't forget you want to be in control of your medicines. You don't want forced injections again.

your very much right. i might try a week. i hate those forced injections so much. i wanted to hurt the people that gave me them and step on those injections and break them in half. HATED IT SO MUCH

I know you did hun! So please remember how that made you feel and every time you want to NOT take your pills.... remember....

Ok, the way I see it:

Take tablets
- less voices (you've said they're less on injection which was a higher dose, and they increased when the injection wore off, which shows that haldol helps a bit)
- active participant in treatment/control (if you don't take tablets, you could end up back on forced injections which you don't want; taking tablets faithfully builds pdoc trust that they can work with you on stuff like side effects rather than against you)
- reduce risk of hospitalisation (2 pills a day keeps the pdoc away!)
- reduce risk of police involvement
- less side effects eg fatigue, weight gain than on injections

Don't take tablets
- rapid withdrawal from AP leading to withdrawal side effects
- increased risk of psychosis, which leads to increased risk of alienating your family who are pro-treatment, police involvement, hospitalisation and forced treatment. Plus new pdoc may refuse to work with you if non compliant so you'd have to go back to CMHT you dislike
- less weight gain/weight loss & fatigue, but only until they forcibly treat you and then all the weight you lose goes right back on again cos they'll over medicate you.

That list is probably not comprehensive but it's off the top of my head. It may feel like you're pushed into a corner, but actually you have the opportunity to be in charge of your life again, but only if you can reconcile yourself to taking some medication. If you stay compliant then you can work WITH your new pdoc to BALANCE the pros and cons of psychosis and meds. I really think that you can work together to improve your quality of life so you can reduce the troublesome parts of psychosis and med side effects and increase the creativity and freedom from high AP doses. But only you can make this decision. I must admit that it will be frustrating to hear you stop meds and descend into psychosis and hospitalisation, but at the end of the day it is your choice and we will be here to support you through that as best we can.

*Willow*

but i feel like these meds are gonna kill me. in every way.

Ditto all that.
We can be here for all the help and support you need
but if you don't help yourself then all of our suggestions are not going to make a difference my dear.

We don't want to see you go back to where you were two months ago.
Your decision.

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Hello Justme!
You can say whatever you feel comfortable saying here.

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i know and i want people to help me
but im scared.

im scared to take the medicine is what im trying to say and thats why i dont want it

i just got a call back for a job at lowes hardware. i called them and they didnt answer so i left a message. omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Woo hoo!
This is awesome news!!!!

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Well that bout of paranoia and depression has somewhat lessened.

Thank u willow and punky for ur responses.

I haven't really been online for a couple of days. Just in bed sleeping or watching tv. Today I hope to get garbage out. Take a shower and clean some.

Man do I hate having to deal with that paranoia. I just shut down when that happens.

Hope everyone is doing ok.

Glad you're posting. And I'm glad you're feeling a little bit better!

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I think I understand somewhat. I just messed with my meds too. I was trying to take the latuda every other day. I did that for like a week. Then once some of it was out of my system I got the paranoia and depression back. I'm back to taking it every day but it's gonna be awhile until I get the full effects.

I know a lot of people don't understand why I mess with my meds. But it's bc with all the mania gone I get really bored easily on the meds. And it feels like my creativity goes down. But....I'm just gonna have to deal with it bc for me I hate the paranoia so much. So it's a trade off I'm willing to take.

I know it's hard newtus. I'm sorry u have to deal with it too. Yours is probably more intense paranoia than mine. But I think I can relate.

I'm just telling myself for now I need to be on the ap. Just one day at a time.

Why do you think they are going to kill you....it's only 4mg that's relatively low since it goes up to 30mg a day....