Roll Call 19

no i dont get it but i heard of people getting it

my paranoia is high. its not letting up. its been high for days now. idk why its so high. i feel unsafe everywhere. i went to my moms and felt unsafe there and came home. and now at home i feel unsafe. like people are watching me.

I can understand that. Last time I felt that way I ended up wondering off in the middle of the night in freezing cold temperatures going god who knows where. Luckily my younger brother found me because I did not know where I was going at all. Ended up going back to my dad's house and we baked cookies. Baking and talking to my dad and best friend help me cool down some. Maybe baking might help you too?

im not that into cooking/baking. i dont have any cookies to bake either. kinda wish i did tho.

Erti, I did that once on a -15 night. Ended up on a 72-hour hold because I told the cop to shoot me.

I'm fat and now you've got me thinking about chocolate chip cookies.

Had to go back on my meds, because my nurse said I'd go to the hospital if I didn't start taking them, she said when I'm sick I'm a risk to myself and other people.
I want to be back on abilify but they won't let me, it sucks.

What do you think they want from you?

You can always make them from scratch. Then again that would require different ingredients that you may or may not have. Ah, is your dad home? Maybe talking to him may help you feel better or something as small as a hug?

how are you?!
maybe you can convince them to put you abilify?

yea but hes not home for long because he has to goto work. i wish he didnt have to work.

i also did the same thing. i went walking at midnight in the rain. the neighbors ended up taking me home. im lucky i didnt get shot in the country or abducted or got the cops called on me.

I've done it twice. The first one was when I was living in Cincinnati. It was also freezing cold... I ended up walking up to 4-5 miles and somehow ended up walking up at a hospital. Was paranoid and confused. Not sure what made me get to the hospital but I did. They couldn't even take my temperature because I was so cold. Of course I ended up at a psych hospital after they checked up on me and made sure I wasn't physically sick.

What meds do they have you on?

Yeah. It's no fun being alone in the house all day. It would also raise my paranoia. Always found refuge on the computer while people are away. However doesn't really help when you're home alone and you think someone is in the house that isn't suppose to be.

(((hugs))) everyone.

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I want to respond to everyone's posts but I can't right now.

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How you doing Punky? How's your Bean doing?

Still there off and on unfortunately.

i feel so much anxiety. its unbearable. i took my xanax but i keep having to take more because my body is growing a tolerance to it. its truly unbearable.

I'm feeling like I don't want to leave the apartment today. I'll have to though. I'll have to take my daughter to work later. Poor Daisy woke me up throwing up. She did it four times then took a big poop on the rug! I'm not sure what she ate yesterday that made this happen. At that point she had not had any breakfast yet. She's got me a bit worried today.

Post with us when you can. I hope everything is okay!

~Trigger Warning~

hmm, listening to Eminem song Stan. The part about cutting wrist and see how much he can bleed triggers that feeling of wanting to cut. Blood excites me.