I haven't written a poem in 4 years, but this is how I feel tonight:

In too deep:
Nobody notices.
Voices scream;
Interesting none.
Sobbing
In the dark,
But no one cares.
Lying all alone:
Everyone’s gone.

*Willow*

Misdiagnosis

Subjective reality:
What’s mine is not yours,
But I’m no fraud!
You are just blind to my truth.
Suffocated by your own assumptions,
But I will breathe again…one day.

MaximillionKisses on deviantART

*Willow*

[newtus]

thats good willow! :: claps ::

[Atypical_Disaster]

Your poems are powerful and they say a lot. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way.

Originally Posted by newtus

thats good willow! :: claps ::

Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster

Your poems are powerful and they say a lot. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way.

Thank you Newtus and Atypical for your kind comments, and everyone else for the hugs. I was scared to post these, because the only other person I've showed some of my poems to before was my Mum and she wasn't very interested, so I felt like they weren't any good... IDKY I posted them, other than they express how I feel right now.

I feel like I'm stuck in limbo. I don't fit in with 'normal' people because I don't have a job or a life. And I don't fit in here either because I don't have a diagnosis any more. I feel like whenever I post, people are thinking that I shouldn't be here complaining about my stuff because, compared with REAL MI, it's nothing. And I feel like my advice is meaningless because I no longer officially have experience of depression or psychosis or anything, and so people will think that I don't really know what I'm talking about. We don't have the MI experience in common any more, so I feel like the kid at the park that's just loitering about watching because no one else wants to play with them.

And I'm sad because I have no one IRL to talk to, and no one who will tell me that I'm not faking, that they believe me. I told my friend that they thought I was faking and she ignored me, just saying "I told you so!" because there was no borderline diagnosis like I suspected. It really hurts that she might believe them over me, despite knowing me 9 years. I know that she's a Dr, and Drs tend to side with each other, but she's supposed to be my best friend!

And I hate the infighting here lately! This forum was always safe before, and managed to avoid the bickering of the other forums I've been in on PC. But the fighting just makes me feel like this place is not safe and that you guys don't want me here because there's nothing wrong with me and I'm just cheapening your real experiences by pretending that I experience it too...IDK

*Willow*

[justmeandmyhead]

Sorry you feel like this willow. People used to think I was faking so I know how horrible it is. I can't understand why they think you don't have problems you seem to struggle a lot to me. Sorry you feel invalidated it's such a horrible feeling. We here know your struggles your safe here we don't think your malingering

[Atypical_Disaster]

Just because you don't have an "official" diagnosis doesn't mean you're not allowed to post here. A lot of people here don't have official diagnosis and they still post. You have a right to be here and I doubt that anyone who's been around here for long will think you're faking. I've seen you struggle with depression and psychosis, and I'm sorry those stupid doctors think you're faking. It's not right. It was very wrong of them to just completely dismiss you like that.

[KUREHA]

Willow - when I got near the end of seeing the EIP team, the usual Dr was away, so they got someone else and he seen me twice and after the first time, he changed my diagnosis to some personality disorder.

I don't know which one because he didn't even tell me he changed it.

So I had my new nurse - since my time was up with EIP.
She thought I was faking and she didn't say it out right, but she used this example that was " you'd know it wasn't true and so would I"
I was pissed immensely and it hurt as well.

Then she realised I wasn't faking and my Dr agreed.
Not that agree with their diagnosis, but it's better than them thinking I'm faking.

I'm just telling you this, because I get a little bit of how you are feeling
That's really harsh what they are doing to you

[justmeandmyhead]

Originally Posted by KUREHA

Willow - when I got near the end of seeing the EIP team, the usual Dr was away, so they got someone else and he seen me twice and after the first time, he changed my diagnosis to some personality disorder.


I don't know which one because he didn't even tell me he changed it.


So I had my new nurse - since my time was up with EIP.

She thought I was faking and she didn't say it out right, but she used this example that was " you'd know it wasn't true and so would I"

I was pissed immensely and it hurt as well.


Then she realised I wasn't faking and my Dr agreed.

Not that agree with their diagnosis, but it's better than them thinking I'm faking.


I'm just telling you this, because I get a little bit of how you are feeling

That's really harsh what they are doing to you

That sounds exactly the same as what happened with me. Sorry you went through it too

[KUREHA]

Yeah that's what happens when you get a Dr that sucks.

Sorry the same thing happened to you.

Originally Posted by justmeandmyhead

Sorry you feel like this willow. People used to think I was faking so I know how horrible it is. I can't understand why they think you don't have problems you seem to struggle a lot to me. Sorry you feel invalidated it's such a horrible feeling. We here know your struggles your safe here we don't think your malingering

Thanks Justmeandmyhead, though I'm sorry it happened to you too How did you convince them that you weren't faking?? The thing is that it isn't just the one person that thinks this about me, but the whole CMHT, so I don't know what to do. I guess I just have to wait until I return to Uni pdoc.

Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster

Just because you don't have an "official" diagnosis doesn't mean you're not allowed to post here. A lot of people here don't have official diagnosis and they still post. You have a right to be here and I doubt that anyone who's been around here for long will think you're faking. I've seen you struggle with depression and psychosis, and I'm sorry those stupid doctors think you're faking. It's not right. It was very wrong of them to just completely dismiss you like that.

Thank you so much Atypical

Originally Posted by KUREHA

Willow - when I got near the end of seeing the EIP team, the usual Dr was away, so they got someone else and he seen me twice and after the first time, he changed my diagnosis to some personality disorder.

I don't know which one because he didn't even tell me he changed it.

So I had my new nurse - since my time was up with EIP.
She thought I was faking and she didn't say it out right, but she used this example that was " you'd know it wasn't true and so would I"
I was pissed immensely and it hurt as well.

Then she realised I wasn't faking and my Dr agreed.
Not that agree with their diagnosis, but it's better than them thinking I'm faking.

I'm just telling you this, because I get a little bit of how you are feeling
That's really harsh what they are doing to you

Thanks Kureha It's crazy that this has happened to 3 of us here and all from the UK...is it something about the training here???

*Willow*