Roll Call 27

Can your dad pick some up on the way home from work?

he doesnt come home for another 8 hours.
i dont think he would anyway. he wants me to quit.

How much do you smoke in a day? I would ask him anyway he might because it makes you feel better...

still he doesnt come home for another 8 hours. i can smoke two in one time. i smoke maybe 6 in one day or so. 6-8 cigarettes. its jumped from 1-2 to that. idk how or why. i might get them myself or if not..get them tomorrow morning because i have to be at the therapists tomorrow morning anyway.

Oh I wasn't sure how much you smoked I know some people that do just 1-2 a day as a stress thing---you know they keep them in their car or whatever so they aren't right there.

Feeling very crappy and on edge today...also struggling with these transference feelings for my T.

ok i just went and got them myself. that was so hard for me to do. im sweatig cuz of anxiety and i feel like like someones watching me. panicky. i got two packs. but i sat in my car for like 5 min thinking if i should leave or not. then i went back in the house. then i came back out and sat in the car again.

i have a migraine its so bad. on the other hand its makig me nausoues but for some reason ive been nauseoes for a long time now idk why.

I wonder if the heat is causing it? It is incredibly hot today! I've been in and out of it all day and I am getting a headache from it. Thank God I am headed home now.

idk it could be. its 95 last time i saw. but i feel nauseoues too. i think the less i eat the more food makes me sick.

That could be part of it too. i just got home and I feel sick to my stomach and headachey from being in and out of the heat all day. Yuck!

soooooooooo....
i got up really early and went to work. it was ok i guess. 7 hours of scanning groceries...so....yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

im tired now. i went to CVS to pick up the metformin and the pharm tech asked me if i was getting off work and i said i went in at 7am and that i was really tired. well she scanned my med and said there was no charge but i tried to slide my card anyway. she was like Sarah..........you're tired. i was like yup! but she seemed worried and she told me to call the pharmacy when i got home to tell her i was safe at home. LOL. so i did.

im meeting T tomorrow. he will be out on Friday. i texted T and asked if the lady from my school called him back. he said he just talked to her and she said that she cant do anything about last semester but i can fill out an application for fall semester. so im gonna do that. i told T i was bummed but it was kind of what i was expecting. he said "yeah......Punks!!!" lol. well im really tired. but i feel ok. the seroquels helped last night when i was paranoid. 9 more days and i will have gone a whole month without hearing any voices!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

you have an amazing team working with you junkdna. im surprised about the pharmacy bit. good luck with the therapist

i was surprised at the pharmacy too! i must have looked really out of it!

That is awesome!

JunkDNA you need to plan a celebration for yourself if you go without voices for a month.

When I got to a year post psychosis I had kind of a yay for sanity party at work where I bought 4 flavors of fruit cake mostly for the irony---they didn't taste very good though---I was planning on getting stuff from a place called popcorn asylum for my freedom party but pdoc wants to see me again so it will have to wait....

well i dont want to get too excited cuz im worried that the shot will wear out before i get the next one. but i think T and i are gonna come up with some kind of med plan to prevent that from happening. like taking oral invega or trying to get my shot early

sSOMEONES WATCHIG ME

yeah I remember when mine were going away I was so proud I had reached 2 weeks and I happened to run into the pdoc while waiting to see my T and I told him and he was excited too and then the next day I heard a voice again....

ahhhhhhhhh that sucks!!!!!!!!

I saw the nephrologist today. Apparently my kidneys are ok despite an abnormal test, but the results of the 24 hour blood pressure test say my blood pressure is consistently in the 140s and sometimes 150's (the top number at least) even when I'm sleeping. So I started on blood pressure meds today. I was considering asking if I could go on a beta blocker because I've read those work on anxiety too, but I decided to let the doctor do his work.

Hahahaha, that is horrible.

are you taking your meds as prescribed?

i didnt take haldol this morning. trying to lose weight

For the love of God. Stop sabotaging yourself. From my perspective you are setting yourself up for failure here.