Roll Call 27

It's tricky...they definitely increase your appetite but they affect AMPK which is actually a metabolic regulator...AMPK changes a lot in the way the cell uses energy. AMPK in the periphery is actually good and that's what metformin activates but in the brain it has opposite effects increasing appetite etc.

At the same time they change your gut flora...so just some background if you take an overweight mouse and give its intestinal flora to a newborn mouse that newborn mouse will grow up fat even eating normal food. There are certain changes in the abundance of bacteria that are associated with this. Those same changes have now been seen in mice given zyprexa. So it really does make you gain weight beyond the calories your are eating.

http://www.nature.com/tp/journal/v3/...tp201383a.html

So based on what we know about the microbiota the best current way we have to change them is by changing the types of food you eat. So it's the basic eat healthy thing....lots of fruits and vegetables....anything with prebiotic fiber...so when Costello was on here about resistant starch that was interesting to me. Ideally we'll come up with a mix of healthy bacteria you can take orally but were not there yet. The only fast way to change flora is a fecal transfer which they only do for c. Dif infections right now. So the idea is it's not all about the calories so much as the content of what you're eating and how it affects the bacteria in your gut.

ohhhhhhhh ok. didnt know all of that

im meeting T for 30 min today at 2. hes out tomorrow and his thursdays are usually really busy. but its better than NUFFIN!!!!!

also i have to go to DSS at 10 30am with my recovery coach cuz they are reviewing my Medicaid. why couldnt they have done that with my disability review? i thought if u have disability u automatically have Medicaid? so why do they need to review it??? they sent a huge form in the mail and said it had to be done by the 14th. wtf dss? they want proof of SSDI , proof of rent i pay, and proof of other income. the form was confusing so we are going there to meet with someone to help us.

well i took my first metformin pill. i guess we will see how that goes. T said it takes around a month to start affecting prolactin levels. i hope it works out. im worried about long-term effects with raised levels of prolactin.

toby is acting crazy. its annoying. he needs to be sedated!

fecal transfer sounds gross....idk what that is

no one believes me about the knocking I heard they think I was just hearing things again.I know this wasnt a hallucination this was real.

im taking my meds this morning guys so dont worry and i took them last night

Wish my nurse and doctor etc were right, I really do, but the gang stalking is real.

Yeah it is but if you are desperate you'll try anything...and it works for C. dif infections that occur after long term antibiotic use---typically they'll give you the option of using a family member or partner as the donor although now there are stool banks---seriously---the GI docs joke about it being the brown cross instead of the red cross---

They haven't done any studies on weight yet but its only a matter of time....

Newtus: I'm on a depot and I haven't gained any weight at all. I'm actually maintaining a lower weight than I was before. I'm on depixol with is an old generation AP. Could you ask about something like that? At a low dose too not straight in at the deep end

I saw the psych from hospital today and he remembered me and said I look really well. He was so nice when I was in there last year I feel privileged that he remembers me. Although I hope for good reasons

there are some drugs that are allowed in Europe but not allowed in the US

went to my therapist today. she wanted to discuss my mom but i just couldnt handle it so we tipped in it a bit but not really. i told her ive been drinking alcohol with my meds and she just said be careful and that i should let my pdoc know. all my pdoc asks is if i have a problem. i dont have a ProbleM. i just drink. then we talked about my lowered libido which i was glad we talked about and she googled it but she said she couldnt find anything about it from haldol in women but only in men. then i told her i bought a playgirl book from barnes and nobles.

now what im saying fits in with my libido because i can...i can start to masturbate but i cant finish a lot lately. she also said to speak to my doctor about this but im so nervous to but i suppose i will. or i will TrY.

then we talked about how i cant accept that i have an illness. and gave me some homwork to write down what i want to change about myself and what i want to accomplish and to set some goals next time i come in.

I am on stress overload today---I didn't feel great even this morning because I knew we had this special equipment demo today and I had to handle it...but then I got on the bus and this random dude sat next to me and said hello, good morning...this never happens...then when I got off he told me to have a nice day etc. I was not in the mood for chit-chat so I stared out the window the whole ride but it still felt like some sort of test to me. The I got to work and apparently we are having drills from 8-12 so alarms every 5 minutes...they're all fake do we really need to evacuate for a fake fire fake code etc. I have no idea----I have things to do I can't spend 4 hours running in and out of the building so I decided to stay put since nobody else left either. But there is still this nagging sense that I'm doing something wrong and I really need to leave. I wish I had known about eh drill. So guy doing the demo was supposed to get here at 10:30 but they don't even know where they are going---can we switch to noon? OK fine----now that they see the map parking is too far---they can't carry the equipment....we have a cart we can meet them with---long pause can we make it 1-2pm. Keep in mind to be able to use the bacteria we do I have to grow them for 3 hours in special media so I have to guess when they'll be here and finished setting up. I just want to go home----at least the drills will over in ten minutes.

The whole thing fits entirely with the elements of the reality of this world but part of my brain keeps questioning whether there is more going on and I have to tell it no there is no pattern its just random coincidence.

Wow it sounds like she's actually giving you therapy for real now----interesting.

Anyway she must not have looked very hard---what you're describing is called anorgasmia...here is an article that specifically mentions haldol

Female Sexual Dysfunction - Lack of Orgasm -Treatments for Painful Sex

therapist also asked me if i had video proof of these planes flying over my house and divebombing it. i said yes cuz i do. i have a few. im going to try to show her these videos next time. i told her the guy following me was real.

thanks for the link.

i think part of it was i wasnt talkig much in therapy so i wasnt putting anything in. but at the same time - yea shes actually working with me now. i like her. she just always puts me in the hospital. she jumps to conclusions fast.

even ON meds im hearing voices seeing things and becoming paranoid. so i think whats the point sometimes

maybe she won't do that as much now that you're talking---we tend to have more trust in people we know better...

maybe.
she asked if i was suicidal and i said NO! and she said "that was a strong no" and i said "cuz i dont wanna be going to the hospital".

From the outside it seems like less---I know its not all but less is enough to keep you out of the hospital and let you make your own choices instead of having those choices made for you....it may not actually be less, it may be that you are less driven by them I don't know but either way it seems to keep you safer and in control. Maybe after you work though some stuff in therapy things will get even better I know they did for me.

So was saying "no" a lie?

Ugh...more drills...more beeping---this was supposed to be over an hour ago....

yea it was. i did talk to her about what my dad would do if i died. so i had some sucidal talk there. on the other hand - it was a lie. i dont want to goto the hospital just for feeling suicidal. i have no plan right now.

Maybe you could talk to her about the distinction? My pdoc knows me and the distinction between suicidal ideation and having a plan. She won't put me in the hospital unless I have a plan and am an immediate threat to myself. If I'm suicidal, I can talk about it and get help, and I won't be shipped off to the hospital unless I say I have a specific plan and will carry it out.

so ummmm i went to see T but something weird is happening. my head feels really weird like fuzzy i dont know how to describe it. T and I talked to the nurses and she checked my blood sugar and it was fine. i dont know if its the metformin or something else, like psychosis coming back. i cant tell. i feel like really spacey and fuzzy inside my head. i asked pdoc about it cuz he was free at the moment and he said to cut the 250s in half. so im gonna do that. then T and i and pdoc are gonna re evaluate on tuesday morning. i didnt talk much to T because i feel so weird in my head. so he asked if i wanted to play cards instead. so we did that. i hope this feeling goes away soon and i hope its not psychosis related

i feel bad that i didnt utilize my time with T .