Roll Call.....#30

We always have new people though...no need to be sorry about something so inspiring....

No bother at all, Newtus. There's no shame in being proud of an accomplishment. Post it everywhere! :P

I got 55 pages of my textbook read today. That's my accomplishment! And I also arranged the song All This And Heaven Too by Florence and the Machine for 8-part choir.

Awesome!

Thanks!!

It said I'm moderately to severely manic I'm typing sol sast I'm making so many errors but I don't care!!!! Whatever manic is it feels really awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Yes so I hear.....you might want to mention it to the pdoc if you ever end up going....the major issue with mania is it can sometimes cause or enhance psychosis...but hey enjoy it while it's good....

What's up, jD?

Yyyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Even though its like 10 pm I really wanna go outside and run around for hourssssss this really is a lucky break from my 3 weeks of feelings like sh_t!!

I feel like I can't stop moving!

bad things. but some good things.

felt suicidal yesterday. thought that T was fed up with me. he asked another T to meet with me this week. so i thought that meant that my T didnt want to talk to me anymore. but i wasnt being rational. T told me today that he still wants to talk this week. he is still out sick. but he said we can talk. and i will see the other T on wednesday. theres been a lot of bad things going on. i feel like its my fault. i feel scared. right now. like unsafe in here. in my apartment. like someone is gonna murder me tonight. so scared. i get my shot tomorrow.

Yeah if you can't sleep at all especially for a couple of days you might need to talk to a doc...

so tired of being scared and feeling like im being watched etc. it made me want to kill myself yestereay. i wanted to wreck my car. i had to work too. at least i have support

It sounds like your T is really sick...is there anyone else you can rely on a little more heavily like maybe your mom or a friend until T gets better?

Maybe you're just stressed because your therapist is sick?

well i have my nurse to talk to and my coach. and a friend. T must be really sick.i think he is dying. but he says hes not. T said we can still talk this week maybe on the phone or meet somewhere. and i will talk to the other T on wednesday. i have support. i felt suicidal bc of accumulation of things. idk

yes i am stressed he is sick. we talk about it. he promises that he is not dying and nothing bad is gonna happen to him. but i still get worried. its just one of the many issues right now

When you want to kill yourself is it more the feeling of just you want things to be over like this second kind an impulsive thing or it's it more considered like you've thought it through and things suck period. I think it's clear you don't want to end up doing this. Can you just take a break for a while....maybe plan a getaway for the weekend or whatever....set up something to look forward to to get you through the week....

Ok that dounds good to me!

JunkDNA...I absolutely know how much you and frankly all of us hate the hospital but if it gets to that point....put yourself in...seriously....

its more of a long thought process. i am impulsive. but honestly i dont want to die. at all. i just want to feel normal. i want to feel good again. i felt bad so much lately. T says its my meds. the shot wearing out. etc. i just want the fear and anxiety to stop. i always need something to look forward to. otherwise i feel like crap. im looking forward to hanging out with my friend maybe tomorrow. and tlaking to T. and the other T. the other T knows me pretty well. we have talked before, like a lot. he is a good T too. he is my freinds T. idk. when i feel suicidal i think that everything is fu_ked up beyond repair

I think you need to keep in mind that your fears - about being murdered, for example - are just your way of dealing with a great of stress. I'm sure I'm not telling you anything amazingly insightful. I just think it would help to remind yourself that this is your mind's way of trying to help you cope with a huge anxiety. I can't imagine how frightened you must be. So when you start thinking someone's watching you or is about to murder you, maybe it would help to remind yourself that this is misdirected fear?

thanks sometimesP. i thought abt hospital yesterday. i talked to m nurse a lot. i just have to see what the shot does. if it doesnt help anything then idk. just have to hope it will help

I doubt things are at the "beyond repair" point yet.

yes im trying to keep that in ,mind. T said something similar on friday. thanks . i need to try to tell myself this more. i get so caught up in the fear. its all i think about. im going to try to remind myself that