Roll Call 36

read a website saying how neuron speeds change when a subject hears voices, so i changed my neuron speed, barely a peep for 3 days now
try it fellow sufferers

Yeah, I remember it now. It's really pretty. I liked the painted flowers you did as well. Idk if zentangle started as squares, but the stuff I found online today used dots, rectangles, triangles, swirls, basically anything you can think of. The zen bit was because it was a repeating pattern, so I don't think it would just have to be squares. But there are so many pictures online that have taken the free hand doodle repeating pattern idea and gone with it, like your pic and there's really cool elephant and giraffe and so many really cool pictures. Anyway the idea has kind of evolved (it's not really that original of an idea, I think it's just because it has made drawing more accessible as lots of people, myself included, get intimidated by the idea of drawing as it's seen as such a difficult technique to do well, but anybody can doodle). I'll see if I can find the pic I did a few years ago...

*Willow*

The zentangle form is copyrighted so it's a specific thing but the squares are subdivided using strings and then the actual swirls etc....but the way they described it there are certain things that are official tangles and others that aren't it was kind of rigid. Here is a zentangle I did....I prefer doing colors and shapes though like flowers instead of a square frame....I'd four dots in the corners of a square.

Oh, the stuff I've seen today then isn't actually zentangle. I don't like that it's so rigid - you must use squares! What I liked about what I googled today was all the break downs for each pattern so you can see how this huge, complex thing was created from simple repeating shapes. It kind of de-mystified drawing. I'm already so rigid and conforming - art & craft is so I can loosen up a bit and go with the flow; make mistakes and learn that it's not such a big deal...official zentangle sounds like more rules and rigidity, completely opposite to the spirit I'd imagined it having.

Anyway, I had a look for the tree picture I did, but it's not with my other art work. God knows where it is! My room is still a complete tip from moving bedrooms months ago. It's easier to force myself to be productive outside of the house, because when I'm home I just want to sit in bed crafting/surfing the net/watching TV/doing nothing rather than organise my bedroom and craft room - MUST TRY HARDER! :/

I took my trazodone 4 hours ago and I'm not the slightest bit sleepy and it's gone midnight! *sigh* It might help if they'd just turn the volume down a bit, but that's not going to happen. It's my own fault though for going to see my GP

*Willow*

Nice patterns Sometimesp.

what exactly is the noise that u are hearing? like what does it sound like?

whats everyone up to tonight?

Yes, I am doing better, I'm still not completely well but I'm much better off than I have been. Thank you for asking.

I'm watching TV.

Yeah well I'm not exactly following the rules so you know....

sometimes the world seems like a vacuum. And I feel like its going to suck me up off the face of the earth.

Feeling bad about the weight I have gained I have never been overweight until these medications. I wish I could just carve open my skin and take all the fat out then stitch my skin back up but I know its not that easy.

Just took my meds about 20 minutes ago. Been a very lazy day. Slept until almost 3 pm cause I didn't go to bed until late last night. Hoping the medication will knock me out early so I can get on a normal sleeping schedule.

i know how you feel. ive been battling my weight for around 14 months now. i never been overweight until i was on these meds either. i gained 80 pounds a few years ago from seroquel and lost it and gained 50 pounds from haldol and trying to lose that now.

i wish you luck lillybird. i know ILL need it. im trying so hard.

anyone lurking?

Yup I'm lurking. (hiding)

Having a reasonable day so far... not very different from any other day but I don't mind it that way. Got a call from my Sister which was nice even if I had like nothing to say!

Are you up to much?

someone reported me on instagram for having an eating disorder

It's a continuous high pitched frequency. A bit like tinnitus, only tinnitus is caused by some hair cells in your ear signalling to your brain that they hear a frequency when they don't, where as this is a real noise that only I can hear cos they've matched it to my brain frequency. It's a slightly different pitch and volume in each ear, though sometimes they vary it. It's really loud since I went to the GP and the stupid trazodone isn't even helping at all

I'm glad you're having fun with it. I took it into my craft group today, but that wasn't such a good idea. I don't know what MI most of them have, but this one lady must have OCD-type difficulties because she got so stressed out trying to make the lines straight and symmetrical with a ruler, even though I said to free-hand draw it. I felt so bad for her, and about not thinking that aspect through, but I managed not to cry.

Today has been such a crappy day in general. I had a meltdown before my class because I was late (because I didn't want to go) and then couldn't find anywhere to park and it was chucking it down. Luckily I had some make up in my bag to touch up where I'd cried, so I looked presentable. And my Dad is ill in bed, so I'm in charge. I'm hoping it's just a 24 hour thing because I'm so exhausted that I can't face him being in bed for a week. Mum is still refusing to get up, so it's all on me right now and I'm just finding it hard to cope. Ugh!

I've wanted to do that myself, many times. It's not just the meds though for me, because I'm not on anything, but the apathy makes it so hard to lose the weight I gained from the meds. I'm right on the border of being overweight and I hate it cos I always used to be very slim.

*Willow*

i called the clinic today and finally got a call back from the therapist this morning. im seeing her finally for the first time tomorrow morning at 9:30am! im nervous.

i had a team meeting this morning. my morning started off bad. i got in a text fight with my friend. she is my program therapists client too so i saw her when she got out of his office and i was going in. we apologized to each other.

the team meeting was ok. we are planning for my discharge. i am meeting the nurse who can give me my shot wheni leave the program and offer kind of like prn support if needed. she is coming to part of my session with my main T tomorrow. i am nervous.

also this is around the time my shot wears out. i feel so anxious today. im not sure if its bc of this morning with my friend, the anxiety of the team meeting, etc or if it is the start of me going off the deep end again. i took a seroquel prn anyway.

idk. my friend and i had plans today to go see a movie but she bailed on me. the fight we had was about this stray cat she took home on an impulse and i told her i didnt think that was a good idea. for multiple reasons. she got defensive and then told me she didnt wanna hang out today.

im just anxious abt a lot of things right now

cool! hope it goes ok and she is a good fit for u

newtus take heart you might feel better after the meeting, if nothing else just to have gotten it out of the way!

I told my pdoc something about being nervous the first time we met and she was careful to say that it was totally normal so you aren't the only one-----how is the non-smoking going?

Yeah it's natural to get nervous before a meeting newtus...

I do for most but having had some worksheets for anxiety I think the most helpful bit of advice was to know that just because something feels bad, doesn't mean it is... it's just an automatic response from your body/mind.

I hope you get off to a good start with this T, I'm sure you will.

I generally don't get nervous before mtg a new therapist. I've had soooo many quit on me, not be a good fit etc. I think THEY get nervous though. I know a lot about different approaches they use so I kinda quiz them.

But once I'm in therapy and becoming vulnerable I get really nervous.

I barely slept again. Fell hard half asleep. But I do feel somewhat rested.