Roll Call 36

I had to fill out a long and annoying form from social security. They're reviewing my case so I have to justify and explain yet again why I am disabled. I mean for ****'s sake I don't even leave my house most of the time. I'm either in my bed or on the computer. That's my level of functioning. Social security always pisses me right the **** off.

gr3tta i am always glad to see u when u post here.

Apparently codeine can be sold in canada without a prescription because its no lonbger considered as a narcotic.

negative symptoms be gone..

Caution: May be habit forming.

There's nothing for us to be mad about. Sometimes people are misdiagnosed and there's similarities with different disorders.

i responded to ur similar post in the what was neg about today thread

Thanks for that.

I'm just glad I got it over with first thing this morning.

This **** always puts me in a foul mood. I am irate. Yes I'm still disabled you ****faces otherwise I would have CALLED you idiots and TOLD you that I'm no longer disabled!

my review should be here soon. im nervous

So if I worried any of you this weekend, I think I owe you an update:

Saturday night was awful. I had very intense urges, and I was one step away from acting on them. I knew that I couldn't, however, because my parents are going to Florida tomorrow and I didn't want to ruin their vacation...

But as the saying goes, "it's always darkest before the dawn". I woke up Sunday feeling almost fine. My psychic pain was almost completely gone, along with the urges. I've been free of those terrible thoughts since. I don't know if it is the lamictal finally kicking in now that I'm at a therapeutic dose, or if the saphris just works that fast...anyway, I'm not questioning it. I'm just accepting it gratefully.

So I'm doing much better, and I'm out of the woods for now. Thanks for all your hugs and well-wishes. It really helped me get through.

Saphris does work really fast. It did for me anyway. Too bad it gave me akathisia from hell...

saphris burnt my tongue too

Well I'm out of the hospital. Did something go down about me while I was in? Do you guys not want me posting here anymore? But I won't be ran off by ppl that don't like me. If u have any kind of problem with me let's deal with it through pm...But not on here.

Well the consensus is bp 1 w/ptsd and sleep apnea. My family is mad at me for leaving, but u can't stay in forever and other than increasing my depakote more can't be done until I get the sleep study and get treated for sleep apnea.

I did my best. I'm cutting my coffee intake and the pdoc really wants me using more self grounding skills. I'm just gonna have to really work hard. It's so hard... I wish my family understood. They think u go to the hospital and get cured...

theres a new episode coming on dr phil tomorrow about a guy with schizophrenia.

Welcome back

Funny... everyone seems to be saying that lately... not true that I know of though!

Hopefully the sleep apnea dx will mean you can get a handle on your sleeping problems now!

^ Yeah for what it's worth I definitely don't want anyone to stop posting here either. Why would I? I like my roll call peeps.

Thanks you guys.

Yeah, I think the sleep study will change a lot. It's gonna take like 2 months though. I'm on a waiting list...sigh.

I'm feeling better, just tired, lol. That should be my new motto, "Moody and tired."

There was no need to stay longer. Staying there actually made it harder to sleep. Last night I went to bed at 8pm exhausted and my room mate came in at 11pm and couldn't sleep with my snoring so they woke me up and put me in the quiet room. I had asked the earlier shift if I could just sleep in the quiet room and they said no. Then they wake me up and put me in it....go figure. And the pdoc kept messing up my night meds so that caused problems...Ugh. I'm better off at home.

im reading this book T ordered for me. it's about paranoid and suspicious thoughts. i think it is really cool. it's CBT focused. i see a lot of myself in the personal stories. it's really weird yet comforting to see the things i think and experience when i am paranoid written down and explained in the book. i recommend it.

Overcoming Paranoid and Suspicious Thoughts: A Self-Help Guide Using Cognitive Behavioral Techniques: Daniel Freeman: 9780465011094: Amazon.com: Books

Man, I need that book. This is what I think cbt is good for. I have a lot of paranoid and suspicious thoughts...thanks junkdna.

Wow, seriously? That's totally messed up!

<rant>
Hi guys, can I just throw this out here? Yeah? No? Ok then...

Well I rang the community mental health nurse today to tell him I wouldn't be in to get my depot. All he was concerned about was had I moved and how long I was staying in my house and if I was thinking of moving out of the area. I had suspicions that my house was bugged by them before but they kind of went away, now I know they've had my house bugged and they know I've moved out, even though I'm telling them I'm still there. The same the last time I saw my pdoc, all he was concerned about was if I had moved. They obviously know and just want me to say it.

I'm still living in the area but don't want them knowing my new address for this very reason. I was starting to trust them again but now I know they're f*****g with me. It's all a big experiment to push me over the edge! The same with the chip in my head, though I think I got that out before I ended up in hospital a few weeks ago.

I hurt myself pretty bad but my dad said when I did it I came in and was talking about how I got it out. I trust my dad and believe him when he said I got it out.

Nothing has changed though, I still hear the voices and the noises. They're still following me and destroying my life. Trying to poison me with meds. Thankfully this depot is wearing off and I'm starting to see clearly again!

</rant>

Yeah, this was my pdocs first week. She just moved here from Portland for the job. I take zyprexa as a prn. Well u have to put in different codes for insomnia. She kept messing up the coding so some nights I would get it and other nights the night staff would say if I'm not actively hallucinating or hearing voices I couldn't get it. She would fix it and it would be fine for a night then messed up again.

The day shift wouldn't let me just sleep in the quiet room from the get go. It was exhausting. I'm trying to stay up and off caffeine, then I'm heading to bed at 7 or so...I'm exhausted...

They've ****ed things up for me like that when I've been in the psych ward, too. It's so irritating and downright maddening when you seriously need some sleep.

Yeah, it's been like 2 and 1/2 months now that I've been lacking sleep. If I can just get 5 consecutive hours of sleep I'll be happy...

Taking all these meds and not getting enough sleep is really hard. Hopefully I'll adjust in some way before the sleep study...

My families answer? You should have stayed...sigh. they don't understand IT WASN'T HELPING BEING IN THERE ugh......I swear.

Also at least now I can smoke, lol. I'm just not ready to quit although I plan on cutting back, if I can.

Maybe this here outlaw bit has done got out of hand!!!!

Welp, I tried pot for the first time today. Only thing it made me do is space out. Nothing exciting happened and I don't think I smoked enough to get high.