Roll Call 36

wheres somestimesp been?

Busy at work but also trying to stick to my half hour limit (or at least 1 hour limit----trying anyway)

Went to my old job today... Got lots of people telling me hello and it's been a long time and hugs... lots of hugs.

well heres the dr phil episode of the guy with schizophrenia yall

I watched it. He did say he didn't think he was schizophrenic and he did say he didn't think he is as sick as he thinks he is. After watching it, from the symptoms they describe it does seem like he's schizophrenic. Nothing in it did it seem that he had bipolar disorder. They talked about his voices, his mood swings, and wanting to kill "bad people". There was just not enough to go on in this episode but I will say this... I like the guy. Lol he seems endearing.

Hi guys! I'm not sure if my last post made much sense, but I don't have the patience to scroll back that far and check. Anyway, I'm fine, though the GP appt that I made 3 weeks ago is now tomorrow and I don't know what to say. I've wanted to cancel it ever since I made it, but I need to sleep better so I've stopped myself. Still don't really want to go though.

I've been preoccupied with the meaning of words again. T said earlier not to worry about it, but it's important. If I tell my GP stuff in the wrong way, he's not going to understand that it's real. T said I should tell him about the dementia, he actually took it seriously today unlike last week, but I know that people my age rarely get dementia so he's going to dismiss me as being silly. Also I don't know if he's been corrupted too.

I just feel hopeless though, like it's pointless going to the GP and wasting an appt that someone else needs because he can't help me. What I need is for the Govt to leave me alone, then I wouldn't need meds to sleep or anything else, but they keep messing with me. They want me to kill myself. That's their game: one less person on benefits and wasting NHS resources. I wish they'd just do it themselves though; make it look like an accident or something... Sorry, I don't mean to be so morbid. Happy, happy, happy: that's the rule.

Sorry I've not caught up on threads. I don't know what to say for the best, but thinking of you guys and hoping you're all ok

*willow*

Well if you're not sleeping well it's a good thing that you're seeing your GP. It's best to be upfront and honest or else how are they going to help you?

I just dont know whats wrong with me I feel tired like all my energy is gone and I have been getting headaches more often I feel weird I keep having these weird hallucinations where I think I head someone say something and I know they didnt cause their mouth never moved I was wondering if I had started developing the sense to read minds but that seems odd. I keep having these instances where something that just happened like someone walks into a room wearing a red shirt with japanese letters I think hey I think I had a dream of something like this didnt I? It seems too familiar like it happened before but I dont believe it ever happened before.and I wonder if it has anything to do with the lsd I took while drinking? I know its worn off now but I just feel so bad. I feel like I hardly have the energy to do much even taking a shower I dont feel like it.

Its been a while now since I did that though so I dont see how it could still be effecting me and I have not stopped taking my meds so I know it cant be from that.

My favorite part is they show him this luxury island resort and and he's just like can I smoke there?

I like him too but seriously the first five minutes when it was all swearing and wanting to kill people I was like was Erti being sarcastic. So far as I can tell dr Phil didn't want to make a Dx and deferred to the pdoc and the resort dude to get a complete work up. Pdoc just felt bipolar should be considered I think not that it's what he had but he definitely had this dark side in addition to the controlled side when he was on the show. I don't know enough about bipolar though but they are always asking me about irritation and anger etc.

I'm sure things will be fine with your gp you said he's a nice guy and I'm sure he can give you something to sleep.

Happy might be your rule but I made the what was negative about your day thread so I can tell you it's not my rule...

Thanks for thinking of us all....I miss you when you're not around....

Have you talked to your pdoc about this? You should probably tell him about the lsd too....it may trigger something longer in people with sz....I don't know much about drug induced psychosis at all.

Just watched the Dr.Phil episode, reminded me of me when I was about 16, though I wasn't so vocal about it. I was told I had antisocial personality disorder traits. Maybe that could ring true for him too.

I think when he said "I don't think you're as sick as you think you are", he meant that he could get through this and it won't be as hard as he thinks it's going to be. Don't think he meant he's not unwell.

Interesting episode anyway.

I just painted my toenails and put lipstick on....the lipstick was originally for Halloween but I'm thinking about trying some out.....I've never really done makeup I need to get some different colors I think... This is all based on living to your values....whenever I make a video game avatar I go through a lot of work to make them look pretty but I don't do it myself. Why? Why can't I be as awesome in life as I would create a persona for a game?

Is that a part of CBT sometimes? I went to DBT as I self harm (rarely but when I do it's bad), I only went to a couple of sessions but I couldn't relate to anything they were saying. It seemed very focused on relationships with people and how to tolerate problems arising from these situations. To be honest, I self harm when I dissociate, when I don't know what's real. DBT never covered that.

SometimesP, what does CBT cover in brief if you don't mind me asking?

So the values part is act....I can't remember what it stands for really.

CBT is great though it's cognitive which is thinking and behavioral which is acting so you can change either your thoughts or your actions to change the outcome. So if you are sad you can sit in a room and laugh for ten minutes that's behavioral, similar you can pick three really fun things and do them all at once, that also behavioral. The thinking part is more complex there tend to be these negative self thoughts and your T helps you sort them. So like I thought I was stupider at one point and T was like what do you think of your boss....and I was like she's really smart and intimidating I suppose. So she was like if your boss is really smart would she have kept you around for ten years if you were stupid. The obvious answer is no so I must be smart enough for my job. That's the cognitive part. We also did the pie charts and stuff so I could figure out that there was more than one possibility to every situation on my own. Overall CBT is a big bag of tricks for dealing with life.

For me they don't really focus on relationships at all unless I want to because something is bothering me. A lot of it is about alleviating symptoms as much as possible or normalizing them. In cbt I learned that 5% of adults hear voices but only 1% have sz so voice hearing in and of itself isn't entirely negative or intolerable. I also go this great book of techniques of how to stop the voices. Before that I never considerd them to be controllable outside of medication....for me singing helps as well as some complex visual manipulations....but the point is once you know they can be reduced you can start looking for that control switch. Anyway that's the basic gist of it....

That sounds good, I might ask my pdoc next week if I can try it instead of DBT. It'll be tough to persuade him but I think with this info I could make a pretty good case for it. Cheers sometimesp!

Anyone here have memory problems? I can't remember 99% of the last two times I had episodes and my short term memory is really bad. I keep telling people the same stories over and over forgetting I'd told them. Could be the drugs.

i have some memory problems. i say the same things over and over sometimes and forget that i do that. and other stuff.

Yeah that's what I'm experiencing. Plus I can't remember feck all from my last two psychotic episodes. Is that normal in the context? I feel so different since then, like I don't own my thoughts. It's weird.

This website is definitely addicting. I can easily waste a lot of time here especially when I should be doing other things. It has also increased my computer usage. I used to go for walks and look for mushrooms a lot more. Now I am lazy. Sometimes I think I need to cut back, but it is hard. How are the withdrawals?

Small world I have my appointment today too, although it's with a CPN.

I can relate to a lot of what you say about trying to get yourself across properly to your GP. I have tremendous trouble trying to say what I want & often my GP will hear it in a certain way, not understanding what I meant. That just seems to make it worse because the GP picks up on that & starts steering the conversation & I forget or don't want to bring up what I was actually meaning.

I too actually briefly wondered about early-onset dementia but a) it's just the health part of my GAD talking & b) it's just cognitive effects of what is most likely sz.

I do tend to have quite an addictive personality, my CPN which I was seeing for anxiety put it down to all or nothing thinking.

But... there's no doubt forums can be addictive in their own right too. I think part of the reason I choose to spend a lot of time on forums is a) social interaction of sorts & b) as a time filler c) because it doesn't require as much concentration as other activities.

Not forgetting other motivations like seeking or giving advice of course.

Hi Lawscot, let us know how your appt goes!