Roll Call 44

I would see about that but it's really helping my hyperness I was experiencing at this dose and she even wants to increase it because of my paranoia, I guess I'd rather be tired than hyper or even manic. This could be a thyroid issue though and unrelated to the med, I should be able to find out tomorrow. I'm not sure why not just increase the Invega Sustenna though that would make more sense

My voices are worse today for some reason...

I just wish I could be on a med that got rid of them completely without having bad side effects. They've never went away completely on any med I've tried so far during either period of psychosis.

Good morning, I hope you feel better soon Loial

If you don't mind me asking, what all have you tried?

Good morning everyone. I didn't sleep much. But I'll want to sleep later. Ugh...having a rough time changing my sleeping schedule...My body wants to sleep in the day and be up at night.

Going to call in a little while and see if my bloodwork results are in yet. I'm curious about my thyroid, and also to see my valporic acid level so it can be increased.

Good morning ^^

I'm almost done my big sleep... A few hours and I'll be given 72mg Concerta and then back to school. I've noticed it's like a pain killer for me cuz my lower back is in so much pain right now like from the trampoline accidents as a kid..

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Olanzapine, Amisulpride & now Abilify.

I'm not sure what my p-doc will have to say about the voices but I think basically Abilify is working mostly so he'd probably be a bit hesitant about changing.

Not sure if I'd tolerate a dosage increase well... tiredness during the day seems a little less the past few days but there is no doubt my akathisia which is manageable at the moment would get worse.

Just have to wait & see what he says in two weeks.

i get invega shot too

the more and longer i am at this website the more i want to be involved here in just a member. idk if that would ever happen though because of my past troublemaking here of being on moderation. and with so many people here i doubt DocJohn would ever take the time to recognize me. i just really have my sights set on changing the mental health system in this country. i have done a few things in college and attempted one thing with NAMI but thats it.

oh well.
idk
plus its not like im completely well or even near well like sometimesP.

There is nothing wrong with setting your aims high newtus... I think the quote in my signature is a good one here too - working towards your goals can be just as satisfying as reaching them.

Do you have any ideas how you can raise awareness of the mental health system to make change? I mean think small at first, do something and build on that. Who knows, maybe you'll be able to make some change.

I guess something like writing to government folks about the mental health system, as someone who has been in it might be a good first step perhaps?

well when i was in college the first time (lol) i was a member of an organization called ActiveMinds which brough awareness college-wide to mental health. i also was in psychology class at the time (dropped out later mostly becauase i couldnt handle being in there talking about MI and having active symptoms myself). anyway the group i was in and being in the college course was weird because - between those two things i was the only person who would attend college held seminar/round table discussions about mental health. and i thought surely at least the people in the organization would. and it really put me aback and made me feel like they werent serious if they wouldnt at least attend an hour seminar/discussion.

i figured they hadnt gone through the stuff i went through in the system. and i say that because many of them in that Org said they either had anxiety or bipolar or depression. absolutely no one was there on the schiz-spectrum.

anyway THEIR loss because i got to personally meet the Texas president of NAMI and i was supposed to meet the former president of NAMI who had schizophrenia himself but i ended up relapsing bad and going into the hospital. and thats when everything just ended.

Wow that's good going!

I can sympathize with Uni organizations being a bit lax sometimes, you really need a good president in them for them to help push things along.

Maybe picking back up where you left off would be good... do you think you could get to meet the ex-president of NAMI now you are a bit better. I'm sure they could help you & give you suggestions about how to work towards those goals. Certainly becoming involved with NAMI could be a good route.

Sorry to hear your voices are in full swing Loial. heres hoping theyre the good voices! I took my AD twice over the last three days and it really does get me wired and a bit loopy but at least it breaks the depression trend quickly. If i have to take again Im planning on taking half as much.

Newtus i think it's great you want to change things and raise awareness for mental health issues. You have a real fire about you that most of us lose over time, i hope you have many successes!

thanks neil. that means a lot to me!

loial. im sure i could pick back up where i left off but its not that easy just to start talking back to the president of texas nami again. i dont even goto that college anymore.

I feel weird after not having a morning cigarette for 6 months just for focus like a coffee. My mom kidnapped them and murdered them!! .. Maybe I can take a nicotine gum in the morning.

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not sure if i should have a coffee this morning. the past two months coffee has been making me have lots of anxiety. well not lots but some.

I had a terrible day yesterday. I was actively suicidal and I was very close to winding up in the hospital again. My mood is very off. I'm thinking I may be schizoaffective bipolar type after all. It's just hard to admit it. I feel like having mood symptoms makes me weak but I'm too tired to give a damn right now. I'm pretty sure I'm in a mixed episode. I'm just glad I got through yesterday. I'm not suicidal anymore but I'm still not doing very well.

I drank two strong coffees before I read this because I was used to sleeping for 2 nights and 1 day and now I know what you mean. Caffeine is nothing like methylphenidate (A calming mellow stimulant - lol I probably over exaggerated that for a lot of people..). But when ritalin and caffeine is mixed (like too much dopamine in schiz and caffeine) it has that weird paranoia like effect. I think it's because I'm in school though.

Either way I'm stopping the caffeine. Back to tea.

If I had your level of anxiety I would limit my coffee intake. Any kind of stimulant can make anxiety worse and I hate seeing you struggle so much with it.

yea but its weird because for rarely does caffiene make me have anxiety. even 6 months ago i was drinking one 5 hr energy drink a day and it did nothing. but ever since the stresses of school its like my anxiety is just...unstoppable. i mean i have anxiety all the time. at different levels. but i dont always have panic attacks. it wasnt until november i started getting these very severe panic attacks. its so weird because idk what brought them on. sucks cuz i even called my therapist about it and she never returned my call. my old therapist who left wouldve always returned my calls. wouldve even talked to me on the phone for 15 min or so. ugh.

Maybe you could just limit your intake of caffeine for now until your anxiety goes down to a more manageable level?

i suppose so. it sucks because i really like coffee a lot. maybe ill replace it with tea.

I like coffee a lot too and I hate it when I can't drink it for whatever reason.

i told loial i was gonna take a nap but then my mom called. and then my dad start *****ing at me about he couldnt find the battery to his computer. so i looked ALL over the house for it and it was in the freaking drawer next to the freaking computer. so now im up...