Roll Call 44

how are you junk?

im ok. about to go to bed. gotta work tomorrow morning. i feel pretty good though.

how are u?

had some anxiety today and am nervous about leaving the house tommorrow...
but yea :/

i guess most everyone is in bed or offline.

i had a good talk today with everyone.

Hey everyone, I'm new to this part of the forum, I technically have SZA but my friend said it would be okay if I post on here if I would since it's way more active than the Schizoaffective forum and they're similar. Hope everyone is well

you are very much welcome here bluebird.
yea its tons more active.
enjoy your stay!

I'm still here. Staying up late to watch the UFC

Thank you newtus!

Kind of sad. I texted my friend this morning and this evening, but they didn't get back to me and I know they're on their phone because they liked my picture on instagram and one of my fb statuses not too long ago. They still want to be in my life, but I guess not directly in my life.

I'm hoping when I dorm I make a lot of friends and I don't intend on telling them about my illness so that way there won't be a reason for them not to like me.

On a positive note though I cleaned my house today, took a shower, and have been getting better at make up. I do my wings pretty well now

Hi bluebird and welcome.

Man, I've been pretty irritable the last couple of days. The only thing that's changed is the increase in mood stabilizers. I feel really tired but also really irritable. I've lost another 5 lbs since being off risperdal. My pdoc said that more than likely abilify and other aps like it will give me some akathisia. That I'm sensitive to it. So he said if you need an ap take risperdal or zyprexa. But he wants to try and stabilize me with mood stabilizers and my other meds. So take an ap and deal with weight gain or deal with this...Ugh...

But this irritability has got to go...

What does wings mean?

I'm sorry. I was communicating with this guy last summer. We were both pretty into each other. About 2 months in I told him I had bp. He completely changed, and eventually we just stopped all communication. So I'm not gonna share that with ppl until it's been at least 6 months from now on.

Eyeliner wings



Also, that's not me, just a image of someone on google lol.

Yeah it's pretty hard opening up to someone. My friend told me I could tell them anything which I did like my hallucinations and such. They eventually got sick of it and stopped texting me back which sucks because they were a huge support in my life since we used to talk everyday for almost a year.

Well what I've also learned is that there's more to us than our illnesses. My family is completely sick of hearing about my bp and PTSD. And I really didn't share much with them other than when I ended up in the hospital. So when I was in crisis. I don't think most ppl that don't deal with it want to hear about really.

That's why here is good support and a therapist.

Oh, I thought that's what you meant, lol. I've been wearing makeup since I was 12. When I was younger I used to wing out my eyeliner. But ive toned down my make up now that I'm older...

Yeah I've found that people that don't have the same illness can't relate to it and end up being more detached from you. The only person that isn't like that is my boyfriend thankfully.

I started wearing makeup only a few years ago and I'm getting better at it. I was a real tomboy as a kid so I didn't bother with it when I was younger.

That's cool

Yeah I've always been pretty girly. Well not as much anymore but I always wore heels, dresses and makeup when I was younger. Until my back injury at 34. Now I can't wear heels bc my foot and calf are partially numb. I just fall in them. But I used to love to get dressed up.

Good morning I have 2 tests in my college classes today. I hope I do well, I took a lot of good notes and actually understand the material.

Hi blue bird welcome to the forum. I hope your tests go well!

I've had problems with eating and self harm since I was 14. My delusions started a bit younger than that. I've also had problems with depression for a long time.

Thank you justmeandmyhead, I passed both! I got 100% on the first one, and in my weaker subject only got 4 wrong out of 20, I understand what I did wrong too, I misread a few of the questions. I'm so happy lol