Roll Call 44

I always had the main psych problem I've had since I was 7 or 8, but anxiety wasn't a problem until I was a teenager.

You should try to go out tomorrow. I used to carry Klonopin with me too.

Sent from my A0001

I used to take seroquel for sleep. Before the psychosis 25 mgs and after 300mgs. It made me feel zombiefied. And I put on 50lbs. That psych nurse refused to take me off it.

But for sleep you should be ok on 25 mgs.

Now I take 250mgs trazadone, 50 mgs hydroxyzine for sleep and all my other meds I take at night.

how are you sunshine?

did anyone else have multiple psych issues young?

No you need to vent. I know, I know it's so hard to choose. I really do miss the confident, energetic, optimistic, joyful woman I used to be. On the meds I'm pretty dull and boring, not creative at all.

Having mental iillness sucks big time!

Those are all great ideas. reminds me of grounding skills. But I never learned any of that when I was doing cpt. I've been told by a couple therapists she wasn't doing it correctly.

Oh please don't do that. you're a very kind soul. You're needed on this planet.

im like REALLY good at predicting winners for all different types of events like sports and the Oscars and stuff. this year ive been thinking about finding a site to bet money on the Oscar winners this year.

My pdoc told me xanax daily is very, very unhealthy for your mind and memory. Not to mention needing more and more to get the same effect. He doesn't prescribe as a scheduled med for anyone. He said if they really need a benzo its lorazepam that he gives.

I take a tiny dose of lorazepam, but only bc this idiot psych nurse put me on it when I was having severe akathisia from latuda. She's like u need it to calm down. I didn't know at the time I was having akathisia. I should have been put on benadryl, congentin or other meds for akathisia.

I would never increase the lorazepam. Too hard to get off of. And I deal with anxiety too.

I just looked at my worksheets and this is actually dbt....distress tolerance...maybe I'm more a fan of dbt than cbt? All I know is you get to eat chocolate with this one . They should have a book called chocolate therapy...I would buy it

I'm ok, didn't fall asleep til 5 this morning...

yea i think your right about the xanax.
my pdoc prescribed me to take 4 pills a day. which is a total of 2mg a day. um i actually never had a doctor do that before ill admit. i personally really like xanax over other antianxietys. ive taken klonopin and ativan before too. idk if i took lorazepam. but he probably gave me so much to begin with because he also has me on 3-4 pills of haldol a day and 2 pills of an AD. and like 3 pills of trazodone. its just a mess. hes honestly wayyy overmedicating me with each medicine actually. but i need that xanax. ugh i need it all but just not so much...

Oh, I love dbt, those skills have helped me tremendously. Yeah I'm craving chocolate a lot lately...

++++Potentially triggering++++


Well it was a number of things. I had a really bad episode (my worst) where I shaved the side of my head and cut into it quite deep. The result was a handful of stitches and no chip. Then I got a hold of my psych medical records which I thought would be full of documented evidence about the chip and being monitored, again nothing special there.

My fiancee had left me at this stage because he couldn't get through to me and I ended up moving home to my parents. My whole life was torn apart because of this delusion. I got mad into drugs like mdma and it was on these drugs that I started to explore my mind and analyze these ideas when they just kept getting that bit harder to believe. I realised I wasn't 'special' and that I was just like everyone else slogging along in this World trying to better themselves and do good.

I was also on a depot. It was the first time I've ever been med compliant because I attended every three weeks. These thoughts just kept getting pushed farther and farther into the back of my mind. I started focusing on things like getting a job, hanging out with my friends, getting my fiancee back (which I did), education.

Granted I'm still in a ****** situation, I've yet to find a job and have not returned to college, but I'm still here.

Lorazepam is generic for ativan. Oh I thought you were taking like 4 mgs a day. I've seen some ppl on pc on like 2 different benzos at high doses a day.

That's just not healthy at all. And those docs prescribing it, should be investigated.

I had ADHD. My hyperactivity really destroyed my opportunity to get a decent education as a child/adolescent. I'm just lucky that I'm naturally somewhat intelligent and could keep up in college without the same foundations everyone else had.

I reckon I still have the attention problems, but that could just be from a lack of stimulation.

work was ok got to come home early. looks like there's been lots of talking! but i have nothing good to add. as usual

I always like your comments...

Well my dad died when I was 4. Then my mom attempted suicide like 7-10 times in and out of the hospital. Was sent to relatives frequently. Was bullied and dealt with some racism. Was pretty much a loner. I would rock all the time and missed grades 3 and half of 4 bc I was too terrified to leave my mom's side. I was a very scared little girl...But wasn't diagnosed with anything. I'm sure I would be today though.

oh ok. good to know.
and yea its just 2mg a day. pdoc said i could take more if i needed it and there actually have been times where i took a lot more because of multiple panic attacks a day

aw well thank u.

Omg just reached out to one of my sisters. She's so freaking fake and phoney. Lives in her little la la land. I don't understand ppl like her and I don't want to. She's not truly happy. She doesn't feel anything at all with any depth. It's all about having the big house, nice clothes. Now one of my nephews is just like her. Just a bunch of judgemental snobs.

That ***** couldn't have survived an ounce of what I've been through.

Times like this that I miss my mom the most.

All she worries about is me being completely numbed out on meds. She wants me like her. Completely no passion, no true happiness, unemotional. If that ***** had it her way I'd just be locked away someplace. I feel true hate for her sometimes...

I'm happy you're here.

my voices are at the worst in the morning. then at bedtime or whenever i'm tired too.

thank u. im happy ur here too