Roll Call 48

yea my aunt asked about my interests in majors and i have many so i just said the first thing that came to my mind which was political science and she just said "hm. all i can think of you could be is a lawyer with that. but idk much else?" i was just like "oh...". i know its much more than that. but that was like ...idk....a real dead end.

Appointment with my pdoc tomorrow to get my shot. Will bring up the OCD problems and see what she can do.

Have a rough draft of my essay due today, I just threw it together at the last minute honestly.

i shouldve never told any outside of my immediate family that i was going to school.

i shouldve just said i was spending my free time sitting on my mthrfkin A playin video games or something. cuz believe me i know they wouldve left me alone about that. or if i said "oh im not doing anything".

Yep, but at the same time you should be proud that you're going to school....

Are you that type of person that when someone asks you "How are things?" or "How are you?" you cycle through through the the events of the month or week in your head and then base what you say on the severity of those things?

i am.

yea. thats the thing. the reason i told these people i was going to school was because i was proud but then it just seemed to snowball.

No I usually just say I'm OK or I'm good regardless---I have to really think when its a therapist though.

I do that as well newtus and the doctors and people keep reminding me that I need to think about what I'm thinking about now or at least in the past two weeks.

if theres something i dont want someone to know about going on in my life ill say im ok. which makes it worse. because then ill pick and choose certain people not to know certain things going on in my life. and then those certain people at certain times too.

That's complicated I usually tell people everything and deal with the fallout....but I'm usually quiet so unless someone asks me directly then I tend not to say anything......

well thats how i am. if im asked ill say something but if they are a person i dont want them to know then ill say "im ok" or "fine".

now its just getting complicated. lol

Hey guys, sitting at lunch for the next little while. Today has not sucked as much as I usually anticipate. im looking forward to the meeting this evening. I just hope I make it on time. I know I'm going to get freaked out right before I get there. I get so wierd when I'm in a new environment and everyone already knows everyone else, and I know nobody. I'm not going to have any nails or pencaps left.

What meeting?

I'm going to a nami meeting tonight about getting the local churches more involved as a community in mental health concerns.

omg! thats so amazing! im so proud of you!!!

I generally just base it on how I am in the moment. Not necessarily a good thing as my pdoc thinks I'm doing a certain way where I could have been really bad or good in the preceding days/weeks. Not sure why I do that :/

Thanks, I'm nervous, but it's something that I really think is important.

Anybody have any ideas I can put out there?

Good luck with your meeting Door!

I think one of the churches around here runs a day program because the church facility is just unused for the most part during weekdays---its just where people with thinks like sz come to do artwork and other activities during the day because it can be boring to be home alone---it's basically a social thing for them. Once programs like that get established pdocs will even refer people out to them so getting to talk to doctors and getting them involved in the start of various programs is a good idea....

Good luck with your meeting Door

Now I'm getting excited, yay!

I got to get back to work. I'll let y'all know how it went afterwards. If there are any more suggestions, I'll make sure that I bring them all up.

What can I do in this hospital to pass time. I'm just sitting in the visitors lounge on my iPhone listening to music. They have a bunch of activities but they aren't open right now. I'm chewing 16mg nicotine in an hour which is like 10 cigarettes. I want to ask for a nicotine inhaler. He was about to get me one until I said "unless I'm not allowed one an can he prescribed one anyways" then he turn around and said "ya I don't want to get in trouble so ask the doctor"..

So I'll jus go ask the doctor..

Can you talk to other people who are in there....maybe make some new friends?

I talked to a few girls and some guys. One girl was singing to my eminem songs but they're all at the activities I'm not allowed yet because I'm a formal patient so I have to wait.