Roll Call 70

I'm having some issues, I'm pretty sure it's still due to the Cogentin which I took this afternoon for my anxiety. I agree dulcolax can be harsh. I'm trying to use prune juice. O_o

Snowing pretty good here. We are supposed to get 8 - 12 inches. That's nothing compared to the snow we got last year so I'm trying not to complain. . At least it's pretty.

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they worked for 1 day and i was stopped up again for 2 more days. so i took the least amount again like last time, today.

i think im gonna keep trying more natural stuff even though it hasnt helped really. like prune juice.

Just got off the phone with T. We talked for about an hour. It was nice. He said his step daughters and him built a snow fort

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I'm so jealous of you t. He sounds amazing. I saw my t yesterday and all we talked about was what's going on in her life. Her daughters, her house, her in laws, her cousins, where she went to grad school. Meanwhile I have voices in my head telling me to si. I get zero therapy. I would switch in a second if I wouldn't lose my pnp. I've even considered getting a 2nd t that does cbt. But my insurance changed and I'm only allowed 26 visits a year. It used to be unlimited . I don't know what to do. Maybe pay out of pocket for a 2nd? I don't know how long I could afford that.

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Is it possible to ask your insurance for other T referrals? Yours sounds terrible.

I'm thinking of calling them and asking for an increase in visits. I don't want to lose my pnp. She's great. I really do need someone to talk to. I said I was worried about my kids and she told me to get used to it . Wtf is that? I haven't even told her why I'm so riddled with anxiety and self loathing and I've been seeing her for 2 years. I've barely broken the ice of my crazy.

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Yes, that doesn't sound good at all. Maybe if you could have more appointments, she'd let you talk more? 😵

The one at the clinic that I've seen so far is really pretty good but she doesn't really seem to flow into problem solving. And probably I'll get a different T in a few months anyway.

Im sorry your T sucks . I wish you could have my T. He is amazing. I am very lucky..

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I love my T, makes me smile and he's super super chill.

Biggest thing, he doesn't treat me like someone who is super sick. He talks to me, encourages me to talk, and we eventually talk about symptoms.

Great dude

[TMI Warning] I've been feeling off the last couple days. Like paranoia and not sleeping well. Super focused. When I get this way I also get really confident and super interested in sex. I spent the last two hours looking up and buying sex toys online. I'll probably end up making another anonymous account on a website and post nudes and videos of myself masturbating and sex chatting random men again hahahaha.

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I used to go every week. It was torture.
I'm glad your t is pretty good. How come you'll get a new one

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That doesn't sound good...

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Bf and I finally talk again (apparently he’s still my bf), we went out for lunch. Maybe we were just need some time to be apart from each other. Being just by our self for a while is a good thing I think, so we have a time to do some evaluation about our self and the relationship itself. Funny thing is he didn’t text me to have a lunch with him but instead he texted my mom and asked her to bring my family for lunch. If I am being honest, this is so sweet of him. We didn’t discuss about our issue though, we only did a small chit chat about candy and swimming pool, stuff like that. Oh and I totally forgot about his birthday, so I guess I just win “the worst girlfriend of the year” award.

Double post, so I edited it and put this kitty instead. It's raining hard here, was planning to go jogging.. oh well

Well, I don't really know but there's a high turn over there wrt the personnel. I've been through 4 pcp's since I started going there. Only went to two of my therapy appointments so far. I'm not sure if I'll schedule more because even though I like her, it doesn't seem very helpful. I guess I should go again and ask if she has any knowledge about the 55+ type buildings, etc. How to find them. Idk.

I hope you're being safe. Have you talked to someone about this?

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Going just for that might make it worthwhile.

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No way, you are not the worst gf in the world! I'm glad things might be getting mended.

sorry to hear about your therapist Valley.

ugh my therapist basically dropped me if you think about it. they say she has no time to see me anymore...so i have to goto a new one within the clinic. shell prob drop me too at some point.

god...at first i was so hesitant to tell this one about my life because i thought this would happen. then i tell her my life and it DOES happen. im sick of retelling my whole lifes story to everyone...

I don't bother to say more than what my current issues are. These clinic ts don't have time for more than that.

You are absolutely right.

Thoughts grabbing onto each other and being really flighty, hard to tell difference in what I'm thinking and what im hearing from the tv.

youre right.
but its like they ask "why" "why" about stuff and they give bad therapy unless they know the background of stuff.

like this freakin fill in therapist is giving me bad advice to move to a different college. so i had to give her background on how long ive been in college, where i live (that makes that one college too far), and why i chose the one i did.

like she was hinting i should goto the school she went to and i was just like "no. no." blah blah blah i chose this other school because its closer to me and will accept my gpa. and then i had to provide more background details on my schooling.

it was just a mess. this whole clinic is a mess. they are planning to expand yet they cant deal with their current clients. its just a complete mess!

That must be exhausting